Sorry, this movie sucks

One of the worst movies I've ever seen

It's a mild crowd pleaser for people who are exhausted by blockbusters.

This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

I remember when the movie came out, every critic hated it, so I didn't watch it. Until years later, my then-supervisor at work told us he saw and liked it, so I rented it. I didn't find the movie the abomination the critics said it was, but I didn't find it a laugh riot either.The plot is thin: the title character is a pirate released from prison, having hidden a hoard of his treasure on a remote island, and a variety of people pursue him as he goes after said treasure. There are some funny moments, but no big laughs, and there is a big variety of comic actors in the movie, yet the script doesn't allow them to shine. Passable, but at best only mildly amusing.

I accedently found this movie and saw that it was a comedy with pirates in it and alot of awesome comedians where in it. This looked awesome and why had I never heard of this movie before.The movie is kind of "Meh". Not boring but not that funny. It has like 2-3 good jokes and it feels like many thing just runs dry. It has some strange turns and it feels like many characters is not used to their full potential. This movie has several rape jokes and I feel that thats something that is not as okey to joke about today which is intresting.

There aren't enough pronouns in the world to adequately describe how insuffereable "Yellowbeard" really is. It has no laughs. Not one. None. Nada. Bupkis. Zip. Zero. Not even a smile. The best this movie can muster is stone-faced indifference. The movie begins, actors move around, there are sets, there are costumes, things happen and eventually there are closing credits. Not one scene is the slightest bit interesting. An hour after you've seen it, you've forgotten it. A week after you've seen it, you can't remember the title. As a comedy, it's a dead zone. "Sophie's Choice" had more comic zeal.Let me give you an example of the comedy at work here. There's scene aboard The Spanish Main, in which the captain (Tommy Chong, sporting a lisp) rummages through his newfound treasure, repeating "I'm the wealthiest person in the world! I'm the wealthiest person in the world!" He tells his first mate (Cheech Marin) that he intends to keep the treasure rather than turn it over to the king. Just to make sure that his second-in-command doesn't squeal, the captain orders him to bang his head on the floor until further notice. The first mate does so until a long time has passed and he looks up and notices that the captain has fallen asleep. That scene is actually worse than I've described it.That's the spirit of this movie. The jokes fall like stones. There's no structure or energy to it at all. If it has any value at all it proves, at least, that you can't just throw funny people into period costumes and expect comic gold. They need good dialogue, situations, and interesting characters. The approach here begins and ends with the idea that it's a comic parody of pirate movies. That's not enough. Pirate movies are so bizarre in and of themselves that they seem to rise above parody.The story is so innocuous that it is hardly worth the effort, but for completion sake here goes: In 17th century England, the dreaded pirated Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman, in a blond afro wig) is sent to prison for 20 years for his evil deeds. Once his sentence is up he is given 140 more, so he escapes and goes looking for his loot. That leads to all manner of characters running here and there trying to be the first to find it. Unknown to Yellowbeard, he now as a son. Unknown to everyone, the map to the treasure is tattooed on his scalp. Late in the film there's a story element that resembles "Mutiny on the Bounty," but that scene is paced so slowly that you feel as if you're watchiing amateur night at the Rotary club. Even"Yellowbeard" himself doesn't work. Chapman is a fine comedian but Yellowbeard, as a character, is more irritating than threatening. He disappears for large chunks of the movie and you don't miss him when he's gone.That's pretty much all you need to know. And it's probably funnier describing it then it is watching it. It's a pretty sad experience watching the best comics around doing scene after scene of what amounts to comic drywall. The cast includes some of the members of the Monty Python troup: John Cleese, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman; Most of the supporting cast of "Young Frankenstein": Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Madeline Kahn, Kenneth Mars. Then there's Cheech and Chong, James Mason, Spike Milligan, Peter Cook, Bernard Fox, David Bowie, Susanna York, Peter Bull. Yet, it all goes horribly wrong because these people are expected to simply make things happen. They wear garish period costumes and walk around on period sets, and yet nothing of any interest happens. Nothing.All through this film, I kept thinking of the opening of "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" which features a 17-minute sketch involving a group of elderly office clerks from a small accounting firm rebelling against their corporate masters. The commandeer their office building and run it down the financial district like a pirate ship, raiding and taking over other corporations. That scene had bite. It had wit. And we hadn't seen it before. There's nothing like that in "Yellowbeard." This movie is seen, heard and quickly forgotten.1/2 (of four)

I somehow missed this movie in its first release, but having seen it recently on cable I realized I didn't miss much. Looking at the cast and crew, you'd expect one of the greatest comedy films ever made. Three Pythons, Peter Cook, Cheech & Chong, and several Mel Brooks alumni (Mars, Boyle, Kahn, Feldman, and composer Morris). But it never gets off the ground. It's as though Chapman couldn't figure out if he wanted to make a cute adventure movie or a zany comedy, so it ends up not functioning well as either. I kept waiting for a genuinely funny sequence, but in vain. Peter Cook is wasted in a fairly straight role (as is Eric Idle), and most of the other cast members wander aimlessly through the thin plot. Chapman could probably have written a very funny 5-minute pirate sketch, but was out of his depth in a 90-minute feature. John Morris did produce a good soundtrack, however, and David Bowie makes a nice walk-on appearance.