Too much of everything

This movie is the proof that the world is becoming a sick and dumb place

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

As Good As It Gets

This weirdo Hong Kong offering is a strange amalgamation of the traditional kung fu movie, the outrageous Chinese horror yarn and the typical 'edgy' dark thriller, so popular in the '90s in the advent of SE7EN and THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. The latter two movies are directly referenced in this mix-up of a movie, which throws in a little bit of all genres to keep things entertaining – the only thing missing is typical Cat III style sex and nudity. Instead, we get a bizarre, barely-makes-sense kind of plot involving an evil cult (or man) named Judas, who's convinced that a female police officer is the daughter of Satan. Lots of chases down rain-washed alleyways and kung-fu action ensue, along with some light gun battles and an over-the-top finale which is worth the wait.Chingamy Yau is the attractive girl who just might be the daughter of Satan, and tends to get caught up in lots of weird visions and sees herself with horns in the mirror. Stealing his scenes is one Donnie Yen as the ultra-cool bespectacled police officer, an extremely violent man who shows off his martial arts skills in a handful of decent fights. Altogether the pacing of this film is slow and it tends to be a case of style over substance, with not much in the way of drama or action unfolding despite the relative excitement that the plot promises. It actually tends to be a low budget kind of movie, with the only big-style action at the end, complete with chainsaws, crucifixions and explosions. It's worth the wait. Something else worth waiting for are the hilariously incorrect English subtitles, which turn many mundane moments into comedy situations.

Now Hong Kong action movies are my one true cinematic blind spot, so I approached 'Satan Returns' with trepidation. I thought I would give it a look as it seemed it might be a slightly offbeat mix of Woo/Lam style cops'n'chops with a supernatural thriller theme. While I ended up hating this movie a lot less than I expected I still found it to be silly in the extreme, and pretty tiresome overall. The plot is incoherent nonsense about a religious nut called Judas attempting to find the Devil's daughter, and makes no real sense whatsoever. The only thing that kept me watching this to the very end was the the lovely Chingmy Yau of 'Naked Killer' fame, and some of the unintentionally funny sub-titles. Apart from that there isn't all that much to recommend this movie, and beware, the 'Se7en' comparisons are way off base, and extremely misleading.

Hyped as China's "answer" to Fincher's SEVEN; there's a scene where The Law run down a rain-soaked alley, a killer making use of a Biblical Motive and - well, that's about where the "connection" ends. Occult Scholar (??) seeks series of women with 6/6/69 birthdates in order to remove their hearts - any victim who survives the surgery, proves herself to be The Devil's Daughter. Usual HK buffet: martial arts (snore...), slapstick, noxious women, and, when all else fails, throw in some genital humour. It must be said, that zombie cops cut apart via chainsaw & a nailgun crucifixion are a tad more exciting than Paltrow's head in a box. Plus, a bonus "shock" ending. Basically, a feature length indictment of Chinese Law Enforcement. As one subtitled villain quips "Damn It! Go Eat S***!" Translation: rent a Cat III title instead.

Satan Returns ("starring the babe from Naked Killer!" screams the tag-line) is very clearly modelled on Se7en: the dark, jumpy look-and-feel is faithfully reproduced. At one point, a character suggests that the killer has "seen Se7en". But the similarity ends there. Satan Returns is a film that could only ever be produced in Hong Kong: it is a demonic thriller featuring kung-fu, gunfights, sex, zombies, and the kitchen sink. It's all very entertaining (although ludicrous) stuff. At times, it even manages to be scary. See it to believe it.