Wow! Such a good movie.

I'll tell you why so serious

I gave this film a 9 out of 10, because it was exactly what I expected it to be.

Yes, absolutely, there is fun to be had, as well as many, many things to go boom, all amid an atmospheric urban jungle.

The law of diminishing returns sees Steven Seagal's career sliding into oblivion, but I still manage to get a kick out of about half the straight-to-DVD movies he has coming out now. Unfortunately, TODAY YOU DIE isn't in that half: it's one of his worst films, an utterly low-budgeted, unoriginal attempt at an action thriller that rips footage from close to half a dozen other movies from the last ten years. Stuff from a Peter Weller film is in here, along with shots from Van Damme's THE ORDER, and you have to wonder just what the heck is going on when Seagal's using a body double for much of the running time.Unsurprisingly, the film is packed with continuity errors and other assorted goofs. The plot is threadbare and tattered, another silly excuse just to have Seagal wandering around, shooting people and beating them up. He takes part in a couple of fight scenes, but the rest use a stuntman to double for him. The funniest bit was when one fight is shot from the neck down, just when you thought they couldn't make it any plainer that Seagal took no part in it. These fights scenes would be quite entertaining if it wasn't for the obvious doubling, so it's a shame they found it necessary to do it.Elsewhere, the script is laughable and the film makes ANOTHER return to prison, where Seagal once again bonds with the black inmates and teams up with a black rapper-turned-wannabe-actor (sigh). Yet again he doesn't have to wear traditional prison garb although every other inmate does. The cast is an assorted mix of has-beens and wannabes, including a surgically altered TV actress, an almost unrecognisable returning actor from Seagal's glory days (Nick Mancuso from UNDER SIEGE I & II) and Robert Miano, a trash favourite. Seagal doesn't even try here and word has it that he often didn't bother turning up on set. The film as a result is an unwatchable mess, one to laugh at rather than enjoy. Director Don E. Fauntleroy's next collaboration with Seagal, MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE, turned out to be a lot better.

And here's another one. Another of those Steven Seagal's straight to DVD films… boring, with no acting, no interesting characters… not even interesting fighting scenes. Seagal is in his usual appearance, big, fat quietly voiced guy, who goes around and does nothing… just nothing. This is one of those rare films where Seagal ends up in the jail and he hangs pretty good there, as most of his characters, he is untouchable. He escapes to find guys who put him in there, on the way out he joins forces with Ice Cool (Anthony Criss) and that's it… a thief who seeks vengeance, like in the most Seagal films… nothing new. It's interesting to see appearances of Kevin Tighe and Nick Mancuso here… but don't expect that they saved this film. So, if you want to put yourself to sleep, here's another one of those films

Steven Seagal does it again. Another daft and dull… well for most part straight-to-DVD action vehicle with him whispering his lines, providing intellectual discussions (about dreams and their meanings; "I had an awful dream.") and whooping some ass… well maybe not so as the director does a really good job hiding Seagal's face during many of the fight sequences. Quick combat we get a good look, but the extended scenes not so. Thanks stunt-man. Quick and flashy editing helps, which has Seagal always walking away from an encounter with his back facing the camera. Seagal is a thief (a Robin Hood of sorts) who decides to go straight, but a job he takes on as an armour guard truck driver turns out to be a set-up. He finds himself spending time in prison, but he happens to be the only one who knows where the stolen 20 million dollars was hidden. The criminals who set him up want their money, but Seagal wants revenge when he breaks out (in a rather unconvincing manner) with a hommie. "Today You Die" actually started off promising (with an explosively barnstorming car chase sequence), but when it hit's the prison yard and from then onwards it rapidly becomes uninterestingly old-hat with its heavy-handed plot devices (betrayal, corruption), try-hard attitude and flimsy characters. Well at least it provides hilarity. Just listen to the lame dialogues. "He's evil. Something beyond this earth." Throw in one wannabe gangsta known as Ice Kool (Anthony "Treach" Criss), talking all tough and the jovial banter between the two is embarrassingly bad. Watching Seagal going around handing out his own sort of punishment simply was mind-numbing… since Seagal is invincible. Not even a scratch. Must be that politeness and muddled intentions. Good for a laugh, but not much else."You want to dance with the devil. Lets dance."

Today You Die starts as honourable criminal Harlan banks (producer Steven Seagal) is hired by sinister businessman Max Stevens (Kevin Tighe) to drive a security vehicle with $20,000,000 of cash in the back from point 'A' a Las Vegas casino to point 'B' him, sounds simple right? Well what Max forgot to tell Harlan that the money is stolen & that he has just become the getaway driver in an armed robbery. Bummer. Things get even worse for Harlan when the local cops catch him & chuck him in prison for a long time, however Harlan managed to hide the money before he was caught & with a nice $20,000,000 at stake & unaccounted for Harlan has to watch his back as the crooks want it as do Government agents. Harlan teams up with Ice Kool (!)(Anthony 'Teach' Criss) in prison & they both manage to escape at which point Harlan goes looking for some revenge...Photographed & directed by Don E. FauntLeRoy one has to say that the shot in Eastern Europe straight-to-video action films that Steven Seagal specialises in these days aren't getting any better & Today You Die is a good case in point. This is a terrible film, simple as that really. The script by producer Danny Lerner, Kevin Moore & Les Weldon gives Seagal a new sort of character to get his none existent acting skills around, that of a criminal rather than some Government agent/cop/soldier/one man army cliché he usually plays. In fact if you were being charitable you could say Today You Die is a rip-off of Mel Gibson's excellent thriller Payback (1998) where he too played a really nasty piece of work to such good effect. While Payback was a superb uncompromising hard edged film noir type action thriller Today You Die isn't & pales into insignificance by comparison. Unfortunately here Seagal is terrible, he has no on screen presence or menace either & the audience is never quite sure whether he is meant to be a bad guy that we hate or not. For instance initially his character's is set up like a modern day Robin Hood as he steals from the rich drug dealers & scumbags to give to the poor (as well as keeping a tidy profit for himself) which is just ludicrous in itself but then it has Seagal turn around & murder a lot of people which contradicts the likable criminal with morals that the film went to such lengths to set up in the first place. The story is full of holes, for instance Agent Knowles is contacted by the on the run Harlan & is then reprimanded by her bent superior for meeting him & it turns out that he found out by tapped her phone. In that case why didn't her boss use the information he had to catch Harlan? The story is the usual dull predictable bland fight over lots of money with surprise surprise the investigating Government agent is actually a bad guy! Wow, I didn't see that coming I must say...Director FauntLeRoy slows everything down to a snails pace & Today You Die feels like it goes on forever, the action scenes & set-pieces are also severely lacking in entertainment value. The infrequent fight scenes aren't great, most are either shot in shadow, very quickly cut & edited or with the camera played behind Seagal's character to try & disguise the fact that most of the stunt work done here is by a double. Again Seagal looks fat & out of shape & uses long baggy overcoats to try & hide it, it doesn't. There's a pretty cool car chase through the streets of Las Vegas in this at the start & I thought that Today You Die might be alright but it seems the whole sequence was stolen from another action film called Top of the World (1997) which is about a Las Vegas casino robbery, as well as using footage from that film Today You Die also edits scenes from the Charlie Sheen action film No Code of Conduct (1998), the Jean-Claude Van Damme action film The Order (2001) & the Wesley Snipes prison based action film Undisputed (2002) so quite how much of Today You Die is original footage is anyone's guess.Technically the film is alright, considering it's edited together from four separate films as well as it's own footage it's just about competent & consistent enough. All the footage of the US locations are obviously lifted from the films already mentioned with all the original footage shot on the cheap in Bulgaria. The rap style music that litter Today You Die is awful by the way. The acting is poor & Seagal just mumbles his way through his lines as usual.Today You Die is a really bad film made up from other bad action films, Seagal looks old & fat, the action scenes are average at best & most of the story is fairly random & it doesn't come together at the end that well at all. One to avoid unless your a die hard Seagal fan, if such an animal even exists...