Highly Overrated But Still Good

A bit overrated, but still an amazing film

The biggest problem with this movie is it’s a little better than you think it might be, which somehow makes it worse. As in, it takes itself a bit too seriously, which makes most of the movie feel kind of dull.

Close shines in drama with strong language, adult themes.

"Splatter Farm" is a mildly entertaining offer if it's interesting.**SPOILERS**Off on summer vacation, twins Alan, (Mark Polonia) and Joseph, (John Polonia) decide to take a trip out to see their Aunt Lacey, (Marion Costly) on her farm. While there, they meet up with her new farmhand assistant Jeremy, (Todd Rimatti) and they immediately begin to suspect something is wrong with him. As they spend more time on the ranch, his actions become even weirder and it worries them even more. While out in the nearby woods one day, they find that he's a psychotic killer responsible for killing and dismembering his victims in gruesome fashion. Realizing that it's not safe anywhere on the ranch, they try to get out before they become victims of his wrath as well.The Good News: Frankly, it isn't bad if you're interested in that sort of thing. The fact that it might not be realistic in any manner or form doesn't mean that it isn't gory. There's a decapitation, a scythe impaled in the back, a shotgun blast to the head, a complete and utter dismembering that results in the body being hacked up beyond recognition and the head slashed to a pulp with an ax, another being tortured with all sorts of different tools and equipment as well as being blown to pieces from a firecracker impaled into the body through a corncob holder. These don't bear any sort of realism, though, and are quite bad, but still the thought that it's quite bloody and gory isn't all that bad. The main torture sequence is actually rather decent, using a variety of different methods not previously seen, including being smeared with dirt, stripped naked and then urinated on, whipped and slapped as well being impaled with a pitchfork. The scene is long, intense and comes the closest the film gets towards real horror. Unfortunately, these are the only things that the film provides which are any good.The Bad News: Frankly, this one is really only faulty for a couple of reasons, and none are more so than it's screamingly low-budget. Almost everything in here is so obviously done on the cheap that it eventually gets tiresome. From the mannequins used to duplicate the bodies for the damage to the models of body parts used for the severed limbs as well as the painfully obvious non-body used for the opening disemboweling and dismembering, these are just way too fake to be taken seriously. Even the blood on display is too fake, going with the too lightly colored-and-watery appearance most of the time or using the old watered-down ketchup route to imitate blood, and both results are about as obvious as the dummy's head used for the decapitation scene. From the cheap-looking set, obviously done at a real live farm out in the woods since there's no way it can be that cheap without being realistic, to the fact that it's so closed-off and limiting, this one is easily cheap and discomforting. That is what causes this one to be lower than it should.The Final Verdict: So obviously low-budget at the expense of it's own sake, this one doesn't really do a whole lot. Only the most hardcore, low-budget, shot-on-video fans would get anything out of this one, while just about everyone else should ignore and avoid this one.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and Brief Nudity

One of the strangest man-made laws of film collecting is that extremely rare and impossible to locate movies immediately become cult classics. No one seems to realise that the reason that most of these flicks have vanished in the first place is because they were so jaw-smashingly rubbish that they didn't shift first time around. It would take a pretty stupid filmmaker to recall and stop producing any feature that was flying of the shelves, wouldn't it? Titles like Hauntedween, Night Ripper and Don't go in the woods (especially Don't go in the Woods) are without a doubt a total waste of celluloid. But they still sell on ebay for prices that range from $50 – to as much as a staggering $120 a pop, just because they've become as rare as a teddy boy's quiff. Judging by the posts and wanted lists that I've noticed scattered around on websites, Splatter Farm is among that number of missing obscurities that has inexplicably gained an undeserved following. I already own a copy of this pretty diabolical feature and can tell you right now that it certainly WON'T be getting a decent DVD release. Here are the reasons why…The story concerns two nameless and identically goofy-looking brothers who head out to the sticks for a vacation at their Auntie's secluded farm. Mrs. Lacy is an old coot who keeps telling herself that's she's incredibly lonely since her old man was the victim of an unfortunate 'accident' (an axe to the head!). Her only company on the green grass of home is Jeremy, the handyman who lives in a barn. Unbeknownst to pinkie and perky (the two numbskull siblings), Jeremy is a raving cannibalistic maniac with a taste for necrophilia too. In the first scene alone he's shown dismembering a patently unrealistic corpse, which looks to be made from paper mache. Before long the two nerds are stranded on the farm and have to fight off their auntie's sexual advances and Jeremy's murderous habits… How on earth this has become a cult classic is a mystery that's just beyond my wildest imagination. Ollie Kendall's Houseboat Horror achieved a similar kind of feat when that too took a one-way vacation into obscurity. But Kendall's admittedly poor splatter cheese fest looks comparable to Oliver Stone's JFK when levelled up against this dire mess. Splatter Farm isn't just stark ragingly bad; it's as humiliating for the buyer as it must have been for the people that were involved with the production. Now I know it's nothing to boast about, but as you can see from my review list I can safely say that I know more than most about slasher movies. I've seen them all, from the good (The Prowler/Intruder) to the bad (Last Slumber Party/New York Centre Fold Massacre). Well P.Alan's addition to the cycle is neither good nor bad - it's just ugly, and it doesn't even manage to get the basics right.The first thing that you should know is that this was not even shot on a reasonable format. It's just your average everyday camcorder recording, which makes SOV flicks look like maxivision 48 cinema prints in comparison. The sound is no less than pathetic; and because this was shot only on a camcorder, the Casio keyboard-type score cannot be played at the same time as the dialogue. There's no boom mike available, so the tinny microphone picks up everything other than what you want it to properly and Ray Charles must have edited the whole thing whilst counting sheep. Yes there are gallons and gallons of gore and scenes that could get the movie banned even in Amsterdam, but it's so damn fake and poorly handled that it makes Violent Sh*t look like Tom Savini's finest hour in comparison. I won't mention the performances because basically there aren't enough slanderous words in the dictionary to do them justice. Besides, apparently you can't write swear words on the IMDb, which would leave me unable to give you a full description of the block-like cast members.I want to say that I'm not trying to slander P. Alan's attempt to make his first movie. I think it's great that anyone with a camcorder can grab a few mates and try to do something creative with their spare time. All I'm trying to do is stop the numerous fans paying rip-off prices for a film that just won't deliver what you expect it to. It's certainly a twisted beast with hilarious necrophilia sex scenes that you won't see anywhere else. But like I said, chances are you could pick up a camcorder and make a movie of similar quality with just a couple of your mates and a gallon of corn syrup.I really didn't enjoy Splatter Farm and I reckon that the only fun to be had is hunting down a copy in the first place. If you do manage to find a version available somewhere, then don't spend too much of your hard earned cash, because I'm telling you it's just not worth it. If you're looking for gratuitous gore and shock tactics then try and find an uncut copy of Giallo a Venice or The Grim Reaper instead.

Splatter Farm is a great film...if you are deaf and blind. This is most assuredly the most retarded film ever to be distributed with box art. We're talking production values lower than an extra value meal here, kids. Necrophilia, strange homosexual rape, and incest are not punchlines when you take them as seriously as the makers of this film. If Deliverance had been made by autistic baboons, it would be better than this. If I could have, I would have rated this movie lower than a 1, only a little nub of the first star would have been lit up. 1/10.

One of the best uses of chocolate pudding I've ever seen! There's nothing better than Grandma's cookies except maybe actually getting Grandma. These boys really know how to entertain, the twins will knock you into orbit with their astoundingly delivered dialog.