Undescribable Perfection

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

Don't listen to the negative reviews

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

A woman cursed with a body full of snakes boards a passenger train to receive treatment, only for several of the snakes to get loose and head into the train, causing chaos and panic when they start attacking the passengers on-board.While there's some great points here, this one was a massive disappointment with lot of rather important flaws on display. The biggest factor for here is the fact that this one goes big for the contents of the curse that it becomes enjoyable in how it builds in here, going from genuinely creepy to actually cheesy throughout. The opening scenes in the baggage car where the birth occurs by vomiting out the snakes that begins all the fun of the rest of this one by giving off these types of encounters throughout here, as the concept of these scenes is certainly cheesy enough but carried out in a serious, thrilling feeling with all the action here not only to keep the snakes contained but there's the enjoyable fun of the snakes getting loose. These here are the film's best points as the spreading snakes, either through possession or the freed creatures in the cars slithering along the floors, into passengers' compartments and the bathrooms results in plenty of exciting, cheesy action swarming over victims, shootouts and plenty of vomiting up snakes to give this section all sorts of fun. As well, the film gets quite a bit out of the concept of the voodoo curse here which carries this one along throughout here which is enjoyable enough but not to hold off the flaws here. The biggest issue here is how long it takes for the actual carnage to begin which comes from several big factors contributing together. Among the biggest here is the central purpose of the curse seeing as how this one has it to where the main point of the victims is to keep the snakes from getting loose, and manage to spend most of the film trying to do so. Other factors in the plot line, from the girl smuggling drugs, the fake policeman among the crowd as well as the family drama all manage to really hold off the first half here, leaving only the last ten minutes for any kind of good snake action. These keep that plodding along Since they're not loose among the train, and nothing of interest happens or very little of it is enjoyable in this section of the film. As well, the other flaw with this one is the CGI snakes which look really bad and obvious about not being in contact with their surroundings, don't react to anything around them or that obvious pixilation that gives away the origins of the creature. Along with a badly-edited, foreign-language opening that's massively confusing, these here are what hold this one down against the positives.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity and children-in- jeopardy.

While I was watching SNAKES ON A TRAIN I found myself thinking on more than one occasion that this was seriously lame, the only other film I felt that way about was MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and that was lame, and when it came to the halfway mark I reckoned this is really getting annoying with this Mexican chic puking green goo and also a snake here and there and with her boyfriend reciting an incantation like "Walla Bella green buns, ditty bitty fish sticks and add some garlic." but when it reached the end I found myself sporting the people's eyebrow and going what the hell just happened here?. I think I was less confused with PARANORMAL ACTIVITY than with this film, I've often wondered what was so scary about PA but now I find myself wondering who would green light something like this to go into production? I wonder if I send these people my own script if they'd turn it into a movie, if they reject it I could always sue them for discriminating between smart people and village idiots.Overall, consider this this film a passer by, if you see it at your local DVD retail or rental shop feel free to pass it by.

Snakes on a Train (2006, Dir. The Mallachi Brothers) A Zombie curse is placed upon a woman, which causes her to have living snakes inside her. Brujo, who is looking after her, attempts to take her to Los Angeles on the train. After several confrontations on the train, Brujo's collection of snakes manage to separate themselves from their owner and go on the hunt. Whilst all this is happening, normal, everyday passengers are relaxing, what is unknown to them is that something deadly is heading their way, and that their is no were out.After watching the wonderfully fun 'Snakes on a Plane', i had to check this out. I knew it was going to be a rip-off and that the film will look cheap, but what i found was worst to watch. The whole curse plot was silly and should never have been included. The special effects aren't terrible but are not the best looking. I did not have a clue about the ending. It was silly to watch and pathetic. The acting was absolutely terrible, and looked bad. They just could not act to save their lives. If you want a great laugh, watch this, otherwise you should really avoid this."We have a runaway train. I repeat. We have a runaway train." - Conductor (Stephen A.F. Day)

I would probably want to give this movie a zero if not for the climax, which involves not really Snakes on a Train, but rather Train IN a Snake. The premise was cooked up far more than likely over the course of a night of beers after hearing about Snakes on a Plane in production (this, in fact, was released to coincide with that film's release). The joke is probably not lost on those who will seek this out; I don't think there would be a soul out there who would consider this anything as a serious action-thriller effort (unless on an ironic level beyond the capacity for rational thought). It's about a Mayan curse placed on a woman who's damned by her family for leaving with another man, and is soon seen sickened and coughing up green slime laced with, of course, snakes. She and her beau go on a train headed for Los Angeles, and very soon after the more-than-cliché characters are privy to snakes overtaking the train- with the originator woman becoming a snake herself. If it would be worth listing more about the movie I would, but there isn't enough time during the day. All that can be said for the quality factor is that it's almost on-existent; there are student short films with larger budgets. Maybe that was a wise calculation on the filmmakers' end, that there would be so many copies sold, just for the joke factor alone, that they would re-coup their budget in the first weekend. Because by looking at the sets (the trains themselves change randomly in the middle of a scene!), the actors (if you can call them that, with only one other actor- the one with the very thin hair who hits on the one woman throughout the movie- who benefited from the flick being produced), the FX (also next to non-existent, making the effects in Snakes on a Plane seem like Star Wars), and the actual CGI snakes themselves, with the final huge behemoth snake something to behold in sci-fi movie channel terms.This all means, basically, that it is a laugh riot every step of the way (especially, as cruel as it sounds, when a little girl becomes involved in a snake's "attention"), with the very disregard for good taste working well in its favor. This being said, it is also 100% disposable, like a B-movie sour-flavor lollipop.