Touches You

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Better Late Then Never

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

An obnoxious dwarf. Lots of silly deaths. Lame comedy throughout the film. You might be forgiven for thinking that you're watching LEPRECHAUN here, but no, this is just another in the long line of silly "killer creature" movies including the likes of TROLL, GHOULIES, and lots more. I'm desperately trying to think of something positive to say about this film, but the best I can say is that it's slightly better than LEPRECHAUN, but not much...Things kick off promisingly with a scene set in the 1400s, which sees a group of frightened villagers set fire to Rumpelstiltskin and banish him, but not before he's torn out somebody's eyeball and munched it! Sadly, almost immediately, the film goes forward to the present day and we are introduced to the biggest group of non-actors, poor performers, and basic idiots that you are ever likely to see. The prize for "most irritating actress of all time" goes to the woman playing the lead's friend, who wears silly hats and has a fine line in ridiculous facial expressions. Her brutal neck-snapping comes as welcome relief.In a film which has criminals who decide to steal cars WHILE POLICEMAN STAND TALKING ABOUT FIVE FEET AWAY and in which a man escapes from a huge truck ON A CHILD'S BUGGY, the only impressive thing is Rumpelstiltskin's appearance, designed and created by the talented Kevin Yagher. With dead grey drawn skin and an almost reptilian look, Rumpelstiltskin seems to be the logical progression of some of Jim Henson's creature creations, for example the ones in THE DARK CRYSTAL. Sadly, the scriptwriters decided to make Rumpelstiltskin a ridiculous villain by giving him lots of silly Freddy Krueger-style wisecracks which totally ruin the impression.The plot seems to have been borrowed from THE TERMINATOR (Rumpelstiltskin rides a bike, massacres a police force and chases the leads in a huge truck which then explodes), the moronic comedy just isn't funny and even the silly gore effects - severed heads, arms, etc. fail to impress. From the moment the heroine sticks a broom handle into Rumpelstiltskin's mouth to defend herself you just know this is going to be a bad film, and indeed it is, in every possible way. Sometimes I wonder why I watch rubbish like this, when I could be doing something more productive. Please don't make the mistake I did, and avoid this at all costs!

I do love a great eighties horror film. They're so bad they're good. Therefore, I was delighted when I found 'Rumpelstiltskin' on Netflix and wondered how I managed to miss this one during the eighties. Then, about halfway through, I realised (with a little help from the internet) that it was actually made in the nineties. I don't really know why I feel the need to mention that so early – perhaps because the film simply feels like it was made in the eighties. That and because I couldn't get the Terminator out of my head.Rumpelstiltskin is a – sort of – modern take on the fairy tale about the little man who tries to steal babies unless you can guess his name. He was happily kiddie-snatching all those hundreds of years ago when a crafty old witch only caught him in the act and banished him into a statue. Then, in the eighties (yes, I still refuse to believe that this was filmed in the nineties) he's thawed out, yadder, yadder, yadder and now he's after another mum with another baby.And, in my opinion, it kind of felt like the original Terminator film. There was an unstoppable creature hunting down a helpless woman with a man to protect her. Okay, so Sarah Connor was lucky enough to have Kyle Reece to help her out. Here, the female protagonist has a sleezy chat-show host to generally get in the way and wind her up. He's definitely no Kyle Reece, but he is pretty amusing.Rumpelstiltskin could just be another monster B-movie, but it's basically saved by the titular monster's performance. He's just so delightfully nasty. He's impervious to pain and knows it. Therefore, he likes to take his time as he stalks and terrorises all those who get in his way.The film knows what it is and doesn't ever try and take itself seriously. If you like slightly tongue in cheek films with a thoroughly evil little man at the centre of it all then give this horror classic a go (especially if you can catch it on Netflix for free!).

Like it says in the title, that's all there is to talk about. This movie only has 2 very descent scenes in it. The epic Car Chase & The Go-Kart scene. The rest was dragging on and on. I do like the Rumpelstiltskin character, he's like the Leprechaun in every way. Funny jokes, they dress up funny, and there sense of humor. Another problem, they barely even show Rumpelstiltskin. It feels like to me that he is only in for like 20 minutes total??? Maybe it's just me. When they aren't showing Rumpelstiltskin. The main woman is either bragging to the cops or complaining about her baby keep on missing. Not very good. After watching this movie I just wanna watch Leprechaun movies again.4.5/10

"Hmm, there's beautiful big money to make with horror movies about ugly little creeps…" That's what writer/director Mark Jones must have thought after the release of "Leprechaun" in 1993 and, since other directors were already making sequels to his horror movie, he promptly started writing a script revolving on another midget committing nasty and gruesome deeds. There are quite a number of similarities between "Rumpelstiltskin" and "Leprechaun", even aside from the titular characters' short length. Both movies revolve on unworldly creatures – one from the Irish mythology and the other a medieval fairy tale character – being unleashed in modern civilized times. They're both fanatically searching for something that righteously belongs to them, whether it's a pot of gold or the soul of a firstborn baby, and they are eager to butcher a whole lot of people whilst firing off one cheesy and ludicrous one-liner after the other. I vividly remember reading and listening to the fairy-tale version of "Rumpelstiltskin" as a child. It was one of my favorite macabre stories, what with its 15th Century rural setting and a plot containing elements like child kidnapping and emotional blackmail. The film version opens in these dark medieval times, but then quickly jumps forth in time towards the violence-infested streets of LA in the 1990's. Rumpelstiltskin is locked away in a magic stone, but he's set free when a mourning mother sheds a tear on the stone and wishes for her recently killed husband to come back from the dead and meet their son. When the wish is granted, hideous little Uncle Rumpel (as he hilariously refers to himself once or twice) claims ownership of baby John. The rest of the film depicts Rumpelstiltskin chasing after mother, child and a TV host guy who says equally retarded stuff as the evil dwarf. "Rumpelstiltskin" is fairly enjoyable 90's horror shlock, but you obviously cannot expect a good or even half-decent movie. Mark Jones seemingly hesitated about what he wanted to achieve as well, as the opening sequences (with the tragic death of a young policeman and his struggling being left behind at eight months of pregnancy) are serious-toned and melodramatic, but then as soon as Rumpel shows his hideous face the movie turns into a fast-paced and almost slapstick type of horror comedy. The little creep pretends to be Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Terminator" because he smokes big cigars and consecutively steals a heavy motorcycle and a gigantic petrol truck. There are a couple of imaginative killings, but don't expect any gore. Max Grodénchik isn't as menacing as Warwick Davis was in "Leprechaun" – especially the voice isn't creepy enough – but he definitely is ugly enough for the job. Lead actress Kim Johnston Ulrich is very good, but all her direct colleagues Tommy Blaze and particularly Allyce Beasley only evoke sentiments of irritation.