i know i wasted 90 mins of my life.

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

One of the best movies of the year! Incredible from the beginning to the end.

Stand up comedian and sometime actor Jackie Vernon had his last movie role in this laugh riot camp horror film. Jackie plays Donald, a construction worker whose wife May (Claire Ginsberg) is trying to get him to eat her experimental dinners. She does this supposedly for his own good, and does it with the assistance of her microwave oven (a real gargantuan artifact). Finally, he can take no more of her nagging and, in a drunken rage, bludgeons her to death with a salt grinder. He comes to realize that he likes the taste of human flesh, so goes out and kills more people to feed his newfound appetites.Written and produced by Craig Muckler and Thomas Singer, and directed by Wayne Berwick, "Microwave Massacre" is a pretty tasty morsel when it comes to horror comedy. It's full of utter ridiculousness, and absurd dialogue, not to mention some deliciously tacky gore effects and one utterly priceless severed head. The amusingly deadpan Vernon alternates between being sincere, and letting the audience in on the joke by breaking the fourth wall. His interactions with victims and other characters are a joy to behold. We have a hooker named Dee Dee Dee (Lou Ann Webber), a psychiatrist (John Harmon, who'd acted for director Berwicks' father Irvin in things like "The Monster of Piedras Blancas" and "Malibu High"), a doctor with the childish moniker of Von Der Fool (Ed Thomas), a hottie foreigner (Anna Marlowe) who makes a living dancing in a chicken costume, Donalds' fellow construction workers Roosevelt (Loren Schein) and Philip (Al Troupe), and Sam (Phil De Carlo), a grumpy bartender who doesn't want to hear his patrons' sob stories. Ginsberg is perfect as the kind of nagging wife that would drive any husband mad.This movie keeps coming up with enough wacky and irreverent shtick to sustain it through a very reasonable one hour 17 minutes run time. Just don't expect to see the title appliance come into play all THAT often while it plays out.Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm so hungry I could eat a whore.Seven out of 10.

The 8 is given for those who get a kick out of purposefully raunchy comedy horror satire films. The film was originally filmed in 1981 by a UCLA student as part of a school project but wasn't released until 1983. The purpose of the school project was to write and film an exploitation movie. Well, apparently the guy got an "A" on his project. Microwave Massacre doesn't fail in the cheese department but that is its ultimate charm. It is misogynistic and corny. Poor Donald, the regular guy construction worker is tormented by his shrew wife and her insistence on having "gourmet" microwave meals. Donald is played by comedian Jackie Vernon and the movie is full of classic deadpan one-liners. Plenty of gratuitous nudity and crude, obvious humor. Horrible props and the boom mic is visible in several scenes. If you want a good laugh, give it a whirl. Maybe an hour and twenty minutes long. Awful late disco/early 80s music. For camp horror film fans, it doesn't disappoint.

Stupid, crude, inept, childish... Mission accomplished, I guess!The late Jackie Vernon (a former Vegas lounge comedian probably best known as the voice of Frosty the Snowman in that kid's holiday special they run every single year) comes off like a poor man's Rodney Dangerfield in the lead role, in part because of the awful and seldom-amusing dialogue. He's Donald, a dullard construction worker who hasn't been laid in fifteen years by his overbearing wanna-be gourmet chef wife May (Claire Ginsberg). One evening Donald stumbles in drunk after a night at the bar, gets in a confrontation with May and ends up strangling her. He chops up her body, wraps her remains in aluminum foil, stores the parts in the freezer and accidentally mixes a piece of her in with the 'regular' meat. After chowing down on a raw hunk that turns out to be his former wife's hand, Donald decides he can't get enough of the taste of human flesh. Even his hardhat buddies Philip (Al Troupe) and Roosevelt (Loren Schein) love the taste. Well, when they aren't being distracted by random buxom women who stick their breasts through convenient breast-sized cutouts on the safety partition. The only problem is that May tasted "old and tough," so now he's in the mood for something a little more "young and tender" if you get my drift. Thus begins a long and seemingly never-ending succession of bosomy bar whores, streetwalkers and even a woman in chicken suit being lured back to his home for sex and slaughter. They are promptly killed, chopped up and cooked in a silly-looking refrigerator-sized microwave oven in effects scenes utilizing dime-store rubber limbs and mannequin parts that wouldn't even pass muster in an Andy Milligan or Herschell Gordon Lewis film. Quite a bit of bare breastage in this one, too, including a nude woman on a giant slice of foam bread being smeared with globs of mayonnaise.Any film that boasts right on the box that it's the "worst horror movie of all time" has a mighty big barrel to scrape. However, it needs to be said that there's a huge difference between accidentally making a film so awful that it's hilarious and intentionally going out of your way to try to make one. Movies like this, with their intentional bad acting, stupid dialogue, awful one-liners and pea brained visual gags, usually lack the charm and humor of films made by people who went in with good intentions but didn't quite have the talent to pull it off. And that's basically what I found to be this film's undoing. The cast obviously know this is moronic and proceed to overact, mug, look at or talk to the camera, do ridiculous double-takes and/or flub lines. As far as the director is concerned, what exactly are you supposed to say? "Wow! That truly was stupid and awful! Congratulations on making your movie so stupid and awful!"Don't get me wrong, there are many good examples of films that have been able to successfully incorporate some of that wink-wink, nudge-nudge style of self-parody. But this isn't one of them. The supposedly amusing one-liners aren't usually very clever, nor are they funny in a stupid way. The film is also badly paced, sorely lacking in the kind of energy needed for this type of film and grows extremely repetitive (and tiresome) about midway through. As far as being "the worst horror movie of all time" is concerned... I think this WISHES it were the worst. But it's not. It's simply below average wannabe camp. A few moments here and there did actually make me laugh, but films that don't actually try to be juvenile and stupid are more deserving of the title of "worst," not something that wears the fact its awful like a badge of honor from the first frame to the last.Quite a disappointment I must day, especially since I have fond memories of being just a wee tyke and spotting that cool over-sized VHS box with a decapitated-head-in-a-microwave on it that I was never able to rent.

This movie has an under developed storyline, poor acting and a worse script. However, if you - like me - are the kind of person willing to go out of their way to see this film, you should know what you're in for and enjoy it.The premise of the movie itself is worth a laugh. A man gets drunk, murders his snob of a wife and microwaves her to death? And then in the morning, with no recollection of the previous night he calls out to her only to find her in the microwave, cut her up and chuck her in the fridge - and later on, eat her and enjoy it without realising who it is he's eating.Whatever's written on the back of the DVD cover should be enough to show you what the movie'll be like - if the name didn't tell you in the first place. A hilariously bad storyline is carried by hilariously bad jokes - most of which are told by a hilariously bad actor. If there are three kinds of bad movies: bad (Highway Musical); so bad its good; and so bad its still bad (They Saved Hitler's Brain) - then there is no doubt this movie fits in to the middle category.Though just an interested kid myself, I see many people have fond memories of watching this movie 20 years ago and its not hard to see why. This is definitely a great, funny, satisfying movie if you're into so-bad-its-good movies.I've no idea what to rate it - as a movie it deserves somewhere around 3 or 4. As a trashy 'so bad its good' movie (sorry to keep using that phrase, I promise that's the last time) it's worth somewhere around 7 or 8. If we rate it in terms of how it achieves the aims of its creators - probably around 9 or 10. Considering the fact that it definitely does NOT deserve something as low as its current rating and I think we can average it out to about 8.