Truly Dreadful Film

Such a frustrating disappointment

Please don't spend money on this.

.Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

I usually tend to be overly generous with these ripoff movies but this one was bad on every level. WHat puzzles me is why Amazon offers this as a free PRIME movie. I would spend a cent on it. The dialogue is ridiculous and the plot is just as bad. Forget the special effects. They exist but really nothing that will drop your jaw. I must admit that just when you thought the movie was over, there is final scene that for a lack of better description, was cute, precious. It made me chuckle.

This film begins with a short "educational" essay in which we're informed the Megalodon lived 2 million years ago. Then the title "Jurassic Shark" appears. Playing on the public's ignorance? Nope. No playing here. This is the real thing and you'd better believe it! Please don't tell me you bought this film thinking it had something to do with the "Jurassic Park" franchise. If so then I should point out to you that "Raiders of the Lost Shark" has nothing to do with Indiana Jones. Oh yes, and it's the Earth that actually goes around the Sun.Now to the plot. After a couple of girls are chomped and a lot of scientists have finished shouting at each other, we find ourselves on an island where a Megalodon is living in a lake. Unfortunately a group of men in black vests (obviously some kind of secret society) are holding some bikini girls at gun-point demanding they dive into the shark-infested water to retrieve a stolen painting. In a way it's kind of "Lake Placid", except that "Lake Placid" had a scary monster created with something more powerful than a my-first-computer-graphics package, interesting characters and a plot that made some kind of sense.This movie avoids a one-star rating purely because of its humorous and ironic coda which seems to have had more thought put into it than the previous hour-and-a-half. Something may have survived, but I doubt it was the career of anyone involved with this.

Sometimes it's unfortunate that IMDb won't allow a reviewer to give a score lower than 1, as a few films are so utterly crappy that a 1 seems way too generous...such is my feeling towards "Attack of the Jurassic Shark". This film appears inept in just about every way, with amateurish and often annoying acting, incompetent direction, some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (a small plastic shark being moved about by hand wouldn't have been much worse) and a script that is just plain stupid. The film is set on a small island owned by a company. It's restricted so, of course, lots of young people keep appearing there! First, there are the two hot idiots at the beginning of the film, then a group of idiots led by an artistic and really angry dominatrix who is up to something and then a group of really young and stupid folks led by a girl who wants to do an exposé and impress her teacher (how cute!). Each is simply shark-fodder and although they are now SAFELY ON THE ISLAND, they still manage to get eaten! And much of the time they argue...much like you'd expect 13 year-olds to argue. In fact, they argue and whine and spout so much insipid dialog that the audience is praying they get eaten...and fast!The bottom line is that this shark movie is so bad, so stupid and so inept that I could only see someone watching this film with some friends so they can laugh at the awfulness of the production. There is nothing positive I can say about this very stupid film.

So...seriously, where do I start? The dreadful acting, poor camera angles, bad lighting, lengthened scenes. Nothing in this film deserves any praise, because I cannot recall a suspenseful moment, and that is extremely bad for a film which somehow lasts 90 minutes. For starters, the two blonde bimbos at the beginning, go into the water, but just splash around pointlessly like two kids in a public swimming pool. Then the director Brett Kelly wants us to believe that the two blondes, who are extremely close to the shore, get eaten by sharks. A shark would never swim that close to the shore line (common sense needed!) The rest of the film was painfully similar, and even with a low budget, it could have been a lot better. One point of redemption is that the film is vaguely laughable in parts, but again this is not because of humorous lines but because of bad acting, so the funny parts were unintentional. The music was also a little predictable, but at least it was generally in time with occurrences in the film. Despite knowing it had a poor rating, I was still shocked by how bad it was. I'd advise you not to watch it, for your own sanity.