Perfect cast and a good story

An Exercise In Nonsense

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

This movie tries so hard to be funny, yet it falls flat every time. Just another example of recycled ideas repackaged with women in an attempt to appeal to a certain audience.

Having encountered The Asylum's TRANSMORPHERS, a TRANSFORMERS rip-off that was terrible in every respect, I had low hopes for this sequel, which turns out to be a prequel charting the rise of the machine menace. To my surprise this one turned out to be mildly entertaining, as long as you'd happy to overlook the continued and continuous flaws and problems. There's a lot of robot CGI here and it's a little better than in the first film, but the main improvement is the story itself. Scenes of characters being killed by their A.I. satnavs are a real hoot and the narrative does well to adopt a journey narrative with our hero characters striving to fight back against overwhelming odds. There's even an old timer, Bruce Boxleitner, who pops up in the cast. Bizarrely, the film was written by and stars none other than Shane Van Dyke, grandson of Dick, and it seems to be a labour of love for him. I'm not saying it's great, because it isn't, but it is better than expected.

Notice that I didn't say this feature was better than the first feature, just not as bad. As before, a motley crew of actors are culled together to try their hand at acting. They even had enough money in the budget to hire Bruce Boxleitner for half a movie before he left in fear of being recognized. Now if this was a school class where the teacher was grading on a curve, it would have been great to have Bruce pull up the "acting experience curve." For this film however, it made zero difference and the cast's acting was painfully inadequate. The story, what little of it flipped flopped around with little cohesion. Special effects are primitive looking and seems on the level with "claymation." In summary, the story is weak, acting is weak, affects are weak..... If you want to see a movie with killer robots, try the "Terminator" series.

Wow where to start. Hmmm CGI, bad but not terrible. I guess it is like a very bad Sci Fi network show for quality. The way, or rather the reason they blow up is hilarious. Production value is pretty rough. They use the same old refinery from virtually all the Asylum movies. Actually they couldn't even scrape together their usual cast of ever returning actors. Seriously every movie has the same people playing small roles. It does give a certain continuity and ruins less careers I guess.They even manage to get some actors not working for scale like Bruce Boxleitner. However he can not save this dog.The camera crew does a decent job with what they have and the sound is OK. We are talking relative terms here. Ed Wood would call this a masterpiece, but it isn't. One production issue I had a problem with and at this point it would be nitpicking given the nature of these films. Keep the main character's wound in the same spot OK. It was almost never in the same spot. For that matter do people run around covered in their own gore for days on end? Which brings us to some other funny issues. The "scientist" gets a pipe put into her leg that they pull out while in the magical van that transmorphs from a 1994 Chrysler mini that the door wont shut on to a 2000 that is missing its wheel covers. So yes there was a transmorphing in the film. All while travelling very slowly(look out the window, trees are barely moving in the background...priceless) At least it was filmed in a vehicle. This character then limps for about half a scene before becoming pretty much fine. About on par with the girl in Cloverfield when pulled off the rebar.There are so many weird things happening with script and plot you have to see it to believe it. But the most epic part is when the Mayor whos' daughter has an operation(as you are told over and over) ask the scientist about the difference between ETs and Aliens. All I can say is she must have been pretty drunk during the shoot and they wanted to wrap. She is wobbling around slurring and is kinda touchy feely. "Thanks for the respect" LOL. The lines that do come out are incoherent at best and require the Mayor to explain what she meant while one of the other characters is caught rolling her eyes. In fact Dr Drool has a plate magically appear in front where she tied her sweater around her hips after the slurring explanation of what friendly/enemy like bad and good creatures from space are. At this point the Mayor mentions how good he is at cooking. She then remembers her cue but not the location of said magical plate. After wobbling a bit and looking around behind her in both directions, she gets that excited look (like a kid getting a bowl of ice cream)when she find it tucked into the front of her pants. I mean it has lots of funny moments but this was really the best for the 5 people who watched it with me. We had to re-watch it 3 times because we were crying so hard from the stupidity of the scene. "I guess thats a take eh!" Replied one of my buddies. The whole scene probably could have hit the cutting room floor. But it wouldn't have been a feature length film if they had tried to fix all the errors in this dog so why bother.To be fair I would have been pretty drunk while filming this too. I hope they had fun filming it, because it is very funny in a "The Room" sort of way. Better than some other Asylum films and I did like it better than Paranormal Activity. I wish one of the MST3K groups would take a crack at the asylum movies. Pure gold as they are a self parody.I gave it 4 for the effort and laughs, but its pretty bad, my official rating is 1 just so more people will see this ...um movie? Come on bottom 100. It really deserves to be there. Some of those movies don't come close to this bad. Gigli is terrible but at least it was produced and had some actors in it.

A cell phone turns into a Mini-Me Transformer--I mean, Transmorpher. It zaps a dim witted girl in a convertible, then also eradicates some idiot in a van. At this point, I was pulling for the 'Morphers. They were only doing away with fools, anyway.Red flags pop up everywhere with the film's title. This movie is every bit the joke you'd expect from one that packages a morphed title of a recent big-budget film (which was a poor movie to begin with). With a budget of about 99 cents, it's just about as novice and amateurish a production as you'll see. To begin with, there's really no plot; nothing is connected in any way.The robots pop up at random, and the CGI quality varies, as does the power of the 'bots. One minute they're impervious to rocket missiles, the next minute a wild pistol shot from a moving car at extreme distance can bring it down. The bullet-induced Morph explosions were way over done and absolutely hilarious. I love how the Morphers also recoil from projectiles that visibly haven't even hit them yet.The only name actor exits early, leaving the Drama 1A drop-outs to stage weird scenes. The romantic interlude is churned out poorly, maybe just to increase running time. You knew what was coming for most every character, who all seem to be parodies of themselves. In particular, the guy that talked about how "Russians tortured one of these things until it surrendered its memory chip." I laughed so hard I had stomach convulsions. Speaking of the Morphers themselves, they appear to be doing Three Stooges impressions. First they sneak up on victims and beam lasers from behind; then in later scenes they just stand around gawking stupidly.So utterly stupid. It's an Asylum flick, so have a Conkla Cola and a McDanny's Big Quack for snacks to munch while you laugh at this.