Let's be realistic.

The film was still a fun one that will make you laugh and have you leaving the theater feeling like you just stole something valuable and got away with it.

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

The second of the Amicus Anthologies brings us 4 stories unfolded for a distinguished cast who wish to have their fortune told: by Atropos and her Shears of Fate, no less. Master of Ceremonies this time is Burgess Meredith in a side-show waxworks, and for a fiver he'll do you a treat! The opener may be a bit silly, featuring a cat-demon that devours the heads of those who displease it (it's just a moggy, really!), but it's also atmospherically told and reasonably engaging. Michael Bryant is pretty good at almost convincing me the cat's (mentally) clawing inside his head. He makes a daft plot work quite well.The second tale is about a would-be Hollywood starlet who finds out just WHY the top ten stars have kept their longevity. It's very cheapo looking, though, and does nothing to convince me it's set in America by having Humpty Dumpty from the BBC's PLAYSCHOOL pop up as set decoration! Not bad, but not exactly convincing.Ah, the haunted piano. This would have been better as an out and out humorous story, as it's very unintentionally funny. When the piano starts moving around the room it's hard not to laugh. This one is very silly indeed and doesn't work at all.But the best is for last, with Peter Cushing and Jack Palance squaring off in The Man Who Collected Poe. This concerns two almost frenzied enthusiasts of Edgar Allan, and we're given a sumptuous tour of Mr. Cushing's Poe collection, Palance almost foaming at the mouth in rhapsody. Both actors are superb, and old Jack discovers he should perhaps take the title of the story quite literally. For Peter Cush really HAS collected POE! This may sound absurd but it actually works, and builds up some fine frissons.At least there are no stories about mutant plants....

Horror anthologies seem to have been all the rage in the 60s and early 70s. As were weird bras that made breasts look pointy and alien.The quality of the four stories increases, the first one being the weakest, the fourth one the best.Story 1: A more-or-less black cat hypnotizes/blackmails humans into killing other humans so it can eat their heads. I assume all black-cat actors were busy at the time, so the film-makers had to make do with what was available i.e. a cat that is vaguely blackish. You see, back in the 60s cats were in great demand on movie sets, due to the numerous horror films based on witches, magic and all that. As a result, even non-black cats found it possible to get employment in Hollywood and London. Perhaps they even dyed this cat? Needless to say, the cat is the star of this fairly mainstream story, the kind you'd find in any comic-book titled "Creepy Crawlies" or thereabouts. If kitty wants human heads, kitty should GET human heads! So it's not really a horror story at all. Cats should be pampered on all levels, even Satanic ones.Story 2: This one does have a touch of originality to it. Not so much its they-are-all-robots premise, but the fact that Hollywood's elite are androids – with their old brains intact, but with new metal bodies. However, here's the snag, the far-fetched part: actors with brains?! It would have made more sense to have an actor die, throw his/her brain in the bin (or give it to the hungry cat from story 1), and make the android brainless. The robot's software doesn't even have to be Windows, but any old 80s crap. If Sean Penn is a robot, does anyone seriously believe he's got a brain up there? The brunette from this story is quite sexy.Story 3: We've had killer bunnies, killer cats (see story 1), killer hamsters possibly even – but what we never had before was a killer piano. The piano not only has a motive to kill, but a gender too: it is a jealous girl piano. If this premise had been explored in a feature film directed by Bernardo Bertolucci, the piano would probably have been the man's left-wing activist grandmother who had sex with him until her soul ended up inside the piano as a result of being murdered by Italian Fascists. Or something like that; we know how obsessed with incest old Bernie is. The story is quite straight-forward, and the piano gets her man in the end. A happy ending for all the piano-fetishists out there.Story 4: The idea that Edgar Allan Poe is resurrected and is writing more stories is definitely more original than the previous stories. Jack Palance does however overact his buns off as the loony EAP fan who knows everything about his idol, down to the type of socks he used to wear when going fishing.

Freddie Francis directed this four-part horror anthology told by carnival sideshow barker Dr. Diablo(played by Burgess Meredith) to his eager patrons wanting to know about their futures. Tales are: 'Enoch' - An heir discovers evil sorcery at work in his new cottage. 'Terror Over Hollywood' - A young woman discovers why some celebrities don't appear to age, much to her regret. 'Mr. Steinway' - A woman finds that her romantic rival is a piano. 'The Man Who Collected Poe' - Starring Peter Cushing & Jack Palance as Poe enthusiasts who discover that one of them has taken things too far. Mediocre film has three weak first tales before a memorable final one; it's quite good, but the film as a whole is not.

TORTURE GARDEN is the second in a series of seven Amicus horror anthologies. If THE MONSTER CLUB is included as part of the series, this would make eight movies. Although, that movie is very different from the others.I look upon the Amicus anthologies with great memories as I used to love them when I was in my teens. My feelings for them today are just as strong.TORTURE GARDEN is a very misleading title for this movie because there is no torture and no garden.The movie has been unfairly maligned by IMDb users. I will put up an argument in its defence.The linking story in this movie is easily one of the best found in Amicus anthologies. It provides a long but highly interesting introduction that had me hooked from the first moment. Burgess Meredith gives a truly magnificent performance as the sinister showman, Dr. Diabolo. He persuades a group of fairground visitors that he can show them real horror. Four of the visitors have their futures predicted and this constitutes the framework for the stories.The first story sees Michael Bryant as a somewhat opportunistic young man who allows his uncle to die just so he can get his hands on his money. The uncle has a mysterious cat that leaves coins behind every time someone is killed. Bryant ends up going on a mini killing spree to get the money. In the end, he goes crazy and is locked up. He thinks he's free of the cat, but is he? Watch and see. This story provides a solid start to the movie. Michael Bryant gives a great performance as a greedy man who is driven to insanity.The second story takes a very different course to the first. In this quirky tale, Beverly Adams plays an actress determined to find out why other actors manage to stay young. This story is very much maligned. I admit that one really has to suspend disbelief when viewing this story but I found it entertaining and Miss Adams looked very glamorous in her part.The third story sees Barbara Ewing as a journalist falling in love with a pianist, played by John Standing. This strange piano with a mind of its own becomes jealous of their affair and decides to do something about it. This is easily the weakest story in the movie. It not only requires suspension of disbelief but is mostly boring to sit through. The end is unintentionally funny but not really entertaining enough to endure the rest of the story for. John Standing is very bland in his role and his performance is flat and lifeless. However, he can't really be blamed for that given the absurd story he has to work with. Barbara Ewing fares better, giving everything she's got, but even she can't save this story.The final story and easily the best puts the movie back on track. Jack Palance is a fanatic of Edgar Allan Poe's work. He meets a fellow fanatic, played by the late great Peter Cushing. Cushing lets him into a secret - Poe has come back from the dead and is writing new stories. The finale of this story is very confusing but interesting to watch. Jack Palance does little more than stand around smoking a pipe in this and the linking story. Another IMDb user has stated on the comments page that Christopher Lee would have been a better choice for the role. I certainly agree with that analogy.Freddie Francis directs the material he is given very well, adding a particularly unique effect at the end of each story. When the transition is made from a story back to the linking story, a pair of scissors is seen and heard cutting a ribbon. This creates the effect of snapping both the character and the audience out of what is presented as a kind of nightmare. Some excellent camera angles in the first story help to make it seem more macabre than it really is. Some intelligent editing is employed in the third story to try covering up its absurdity.Overall, TORTURE GARDEN has its flaws but is a must-see for fans of the Amicus anthologies, fans of other Amicus movies or fans of portmanteau horror movies. If my summary provides the movie with enough appeal in your eyes, check it out. You'll enjoy it!