The Worst Film Ever

hyped garbage

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

I loved this movie! I laughed, cried, got angry and The was left satisfied! Wonderful cast!

Our over-the-hill heroine arrives in a tiny town with a little luggage and carrying a Singer sewing machine in a case. A sewing machine cannot be carried as we see it being done here. I'm strong for a female, and there is no way I could carry one as if it were a makeup case, as she does. That's the first red flag. Our heroine is also, very obviously, 15 (at least) years older than her contemporaries. She has come to town to get revenge on the townsfolk for a wrong done. Making dresses for the local ladies seems to be the way to accomplish this. Where does all this fabric come from? This is a tiny town out in the middle of nowhere and somehow all this fabric materializes (no pun intended) for all these dresses. Then out of nowhere another dressmaker shows up! Competition? Where is this story going? Romance? No chemistry there. He's handsome, yes. She's good looking. But wooden, both. He jumps into a silo of grain - we're shown this with the mice running around in it. Then we find out it was sorghum and he drowns in it. It's grain, then sorghum. Aaack! What else can happen in this screwy film? It could have been a good story with our heroine finding out what really happened when she was a child that caused her to be sent away, creating a relationship with a mother she's not seen in 25 years and maybe finding true love in the process. But it just did not work. Too many implausibles.

When great care is taken with the cinematography and lighting, I want the big screen experience, but I avoided this film because the material did not grab me. It is immediately obvious they are using real film and that is rare, but what a treat! If one review had described the metamorphoses of the female forms and faces, I would have been there on opening night. That is no longer politically correct. The dress maker transforms rural hounds into breathtaking beauties with sexy dresses and super-hot make up. This happens in a backwards, rural town setting with a 1940's time flavor when glamour and man chasing was openly sanctioned. The story is good but the characters are the most fascinating bunch assembled in a long time and well played by all. Most will especially enjoy Winslet and Davis but all are good. The scoring is also great. See it for the sexual tension, raw beauty and love lessons.

If there are light spoilers in this review, count it as a blessing, perhaps they will save you from watching this (**shudder**) film. The audience is introduced at the beginning (with inappropriately creepy music) to a supposed murder of a young boy committed by a young girl, Tilly (the dressmaker). Tilly is then, heartlessly sent away and becomes an incredible fashion designer, ooh la la. (Side note: the costumes ARE fantastic, but if that is all that draws you, mute this film). The Director must have had her fingers-crossed the audience accepts the notion that young Tilly was capable of murder, as both believable and interesting. Unfortunately it is painfully obvious it couldn't have been anything but an accident, largely due to the comedic tone of the film. The experience is similar to a fish being offered a plain, bait-less hook to bite and be reeled in on. The hinted darkness is eye-roll worthy. "The Dressmaker" is silly, silly, silly. Silly you say? But like, fairy-tale-esque? No. Is it whimsical?? If on a 1950's small-town-eccentricities end, then sure. This is well-executed by Judy Davis (the Dressmaker's "mad" mother, Molly) and Gyton Grantley (the Dressmaker's love-interest's mentally-handicapped brother, Barney). Those actors seemed to grasp the comedic tone the Director desired for the story. BUT ALAS! all their charm is marred by Winslet and Hemsworth's seriousness-- more fit for a drama. Their romance, BTW, is so inexplicable and poorly established that their tender words and emotions are laughably (and uncomfortably) devoid of understandable substance. Seriously speaking, the mother, Molly was more fit as a love-interest for Teddy than Tilly. But of course, the viewer was supposed to tick "The Two Most Physically Attractive Actors SHOULD End Up Together" box on their Film Trope List. As long as this box was checked, then the rough dirty boy Teddy and the fashionable damsel Tilly may be understood as deserving all the depth of love, emotional-intelligence and devotion previously established by love's literary superheroes, Mr. Darcy and Miss Eliza Bennett. There were about 3 different times the film could have ended and put us and the characters out of misery, but instead the yarn got away from the weaver of this story and it became more and more ludicrous. Let this be read with emphasis: NOT in an enjoyable B-Movie way. It is safe to say, Tilly should not have returned home and spared us this story. Do not bother watching.