Sorry, this movie sucks

How sad is this?

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

Traveling through Eastern Europe, a group of friends manage to remove a sword stuck in a rock, which soon unleashes a deadly monster made of rock upon the town and forces them to uncover his heritage to stop it.This here wasn't that bad of a creature feature. One of the main factors is the rather nice story for the film being a rather nice change of pace to have it take place elsewhere than the US, and the Eastern Europe setting here is rather nice and feels welcome. It also allows for their traditions and standards, as well as fears and legends that are incorporated here to come across as really neat, from the complicated back-story, itself another highlight as well as the really detailed explanation sequence that contains a nice battle and contributes to the strong story. Another factor is the reasonably well-done and exciting action scene in here, which are more plentiful than expected. The confrontations with the creature are really nice, especially the initial encounter in the woods which amounts to a rather fun car chase as the creature comes at them through the woods, ending in a brutal car crash, and their later forest attack does have some good stuff to come from it as the gunfire and scattering troops is quite fun along with the final resolution that knocks the monster out. An attack on the village later on is really great, as the fun monster movie rampage comes complete with throwing people around into the surroundings and some unique counters to the creature, mainly flamethrowers and a tank brought into play. The last really good part to it is the conclusion, which is pretty creative bringing in the fantasy and sorcery battles against the creature that leads to a bigger action scene than imagined. These here are the film's good points that hold up over the few negatives. The main issue here is the actual creature itself, as there's nothing about it other than the size to be imposing as the overall design is inherently ludicrous and never comes close to be readily believable. The thing's so top heavy that it's nearly impossible to believe it can move around, nonetheless walk around and sneak up on victims, since it has several surprise attacks that don't have any reason to believe could've happened with something of that design. As well, it's once again being conceived through the usually atrocious CGI that comes with all the big trappings there. This just makes the film look all the cheaper, especially with the fact that more than just the creature this time around was done with CGI. The battle in the streets of the town, with the battle carrying on even though a hanger-on is flopping around like no human could, and the conclusion out in the rocky hills is even worse with all the fantasy elements brought to bear in the scene. The last flaw here is the rather confusing ending to the first battle in the forest. It ends way too quickly and easily for them to take it seriously, and it just doesn't seem believable that they could make it to the later portion without feeling something was off. These here are the film's few flaws.Rated R: Violence and Language.

The best thing about this movie is getting to see John Polito, who you will instantly recognize because he has been in almost every movie and television series ever made, ham it up as The Colonel. No, they couldn't even bother to give him a name. In an otherwise forgettable film, Ron rocks. He gets drunk. He leads the citizens to fight the rock monster not once, but twice (but has his flask handy all the time). He cheers when the hero, Jason (Chad Collins) defeats the rock monster not once, but twice. Yeah! If you can't tell already, I just loved watching John in this movie. Never mind that he is Italian, but is playing an Eastern Euro (I think!). Never mind that his lines are lame, for the most part. John is on fire! As far as the movie is concerned, the monster looks good, special effects-wise. But, for some reason, the rock monster isn't really scary at all. The Sword In The Stone plot is a retread. You have the wise cracking girl (Alicia Lagano as Toni), and the black guy who apparently has no function in the plot and gets killed early on, the sniveling mayor who gives a woman away in exchange for the village's safety (as if he had the right to do that in the first place), and the lame hero who, for some reason, has the stunningly beautiful Cassandra (Natalie Sperl) fall for him - all because he pulled a sword out of a stone! I suppose you could do worse, but make sure to check it out just to watch John rock!

The story is not predictable, because you can describe it in a short paragraph. The rest of it was simply filler - a guy trying to walk to another town after failing to do so in a car and seeing it destroying two vehicles; the rock monster being blown to the ground after hitting a car with its fist and making it explode, but not at the least bit affected by a grenade; the monster throwing trees and cars around at attackers, but does nothing except getting stabbed by a guy coming at it with a sword. that sort of thing.I don't want to call anyone names, but I think the only people that calls this movie good is either involved in the production, or, well, let's not go there.

The Plot: While going about ordinary outdoor/sports-related activities, a young man/the lead character encounters a monster that kills people, and he must defeat it to survive. To achieve this task, he convinces the local town's people to help him. A young woman also helps him and they develop a sweet little romance in the course of vanquishing the monster.This plot description for ROCK MONSTER also applies to several other Sci-Fi 'original' movies such as OGRE, BEYOND LOCH NESS, and ICE SPIDERS. In other words, none of these movies produced for the Sci-Fi channel are that original; they're formulaic.These are G or at most PG type movies. There is not much if any blood/gore, a very innocent romance (no skin/not even kissing), and a monster that looks like some cheap plastic creature you'd find in a happy meal from a fast food restaurant.Although there isn't much substance to these movies, they also aren't the worst movies out there --- that's not an endorsement, just a statement of fact. Here, the visual and audio departments are competent; you can both see and hear these movies. And, for the most part the acting is fair enough. Finally, the movie does have a story line even though it goes in a predictable linear direction.Some Sci-Fi 'original' movies like KAW or BATS: HUMAN HARVEST are slightly better (4 on a scale of 10) because the monster/threat is more believable. But, again, the plots tend to be borrowed, predictable and the hero always seems to defeat the monster, albeit with that final gimmick that leaves the question: is it really over?