Touches You

Pretty Good

I'll tell you why so serious

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

I'm not sure I see what inspires people to make films like this. Parodies are fine, but when the parody itself is made with much less money and sophistication than the genre it is parodying, it's difficult to see the point.I am assuming 'Petrified' is one such film. It doesn't invite itself to be taken seriously, yet there is nothing here particularly amusing. The most successful aspect of it is the main creature (a vampire mummy who turns many of its victims to stone). For a low budget venture, I've seen far less convincing monsters. And yet any scene with the creature is played and shot so badly that even the most invested viewer must find it hard to take things seriously.To allow for some mild titillation, events occur in a hospital designed to cure nymphomania. We see lesbians attempting to have sex. I mention this because it leads to a joke in the script which demonstrates the level of finesse on display. Experiments are being carried out of some patients allowing them to appear younger than their real age."She's actually 61 years old", points out the doctor. "Ew," pouts her lover. "You mean I've been muff-diving an old hag?"Another gem is this: "This is not of terrestrial origin." "What, you mean like E.T.?"I might not 'get' this film, and that's fair enough. If there are those that find this entertaining, then I'm glad: presumably those who wrote and produced it had a hoot. But it really isn't for me.

OK ... i must say .... full moon ... whats going on with you guys ??? your turning into troma now ?!?!?!?!? OK the monster / alien/ mummy guy was cool looked great for alien mummy .... and the idea for the film was freaking great ...come on, mad doc using sexually over stimulated chicks for eternal youth experiments ??? and the mummy stumbles across them all ....nice .. i read the back and thought wow this will either be a great monster movie or a well thought out porno ..lol...well ...neither happened .... only one set of titties the whole show ... i think ... and if i cant remember them then what was the point of them being there to start with ?.... now im not sure but im thinking that full moon is just doing the troma idea now and buying other peoples films and distributing them under the name of the company ...well BAD IDEA FULL MOON PEOPLE !!!!!!!!!!! STOP IT !!!! OR YOU WILL SOON BE THE NEXT TROMA !!!!!!!!! and troma used to be great and would give you insane of the wall movies for your buck ...and now ..good god they just buy crappy films from film students that don't know whats going on half the time and slap it under a troma film ... when i heard full moon was back in business i was happy .... i loved the classics .... so i thought i would give it a shot and see what the new stuff was like ... well ... stick to the doll movies man ... and go back to making them yourself for the love of all things full moon ...please before its too late...(4), vocalist GOD IN A MACHINE

I have to start keeping a log of movies watched. If I've ever seen a worse film, I can't remember it. Utter ordure from beginning to end. I won't dignify it with with any analysis or description beyond that, except to say that there's a brief, hopeful moment when we learn that the setting is a "clinic for the treatment of nymphomania," but alas...I don't know what the other reviewer is drinking - I like bourbon, and the only way I can imagine liquor making this "film" any better is during that brief, fleeting moment of vivid hallucination (that we're watching some other movie, perhaps?) that comes right after hepatic shutdown, and just before irreversible coma.

Petrified is about an artifact that turns out to be an alien who comes back to life and turns some people to stone while draining others of blood. Then there's the hand from the Adams Family that creeps around strangling people. The movie is meant to be full of puns and wacky, as it takes place in a nymph hospital with a weird doctor trying to cure death using hormone therapy. A few drinks will make this film much better. Some continuity and dialog breaks made on the cheapest of budgets. If you're looking for a good film with a serious plot and screenplay, skip this one. If you're looking for a C film that's corny as hell, this is for you.