the audience applauded

Simply A Masterpiece

Awesome Movie

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Normally slasher flicks bore the heck of of me...but LM made a mark on my laugh chart...Even howled out loud THREE times watching it n the early morning hours on cable...Nobody known acting folks put on a decent show with a lame script that serves up satire) dripping on more than than pancakes here...One thing I noted was the excellent music score...If it was lifted from other sources, that's fine...They did a wonderful job heightening the suspense all through the reels...Hats off to all for entertaining me at a very low level...actually a place I like to hang now and again...

I have nothing to spoil here because the story is bland, basic, and you've seen it before. What I will say is that this movie is one the strangest movies I've seen in many years. It's very anti-female, slicing and dicing young women relentlessly. It also features barely legal porn stars who think they can act, dancing and prancing with their breast swinging in the air. Several scenes with ugly males hooking up with hot females, all of them showing T and A before they get decapitated, impaled, or whatever. And the girls totally look underage, which is either enticing or bothersome. Acting is high school level. Violence is sometimes dramatically approached, not comedic, and protracted and overdone. It makes the whole experience very odd. Several homosexual references made to both sexes. It's just a horrible movie. BUT, it will stay on my DVR only because of the eye-candy. Call me a hypocrite. 4 stars for the gorgeous young ladies. 0 for the movie. itself.

"Lumberjack Man" is a weird, boring stab at a horror comedy that is unsuccessful.Of course it's not in the least funny, but how many comedies are?The fact is that the comedic moments, if that's what they are, are handled so badly that they merely become confusing.It's not enough to throw in a joke here and there. There's also the matter of tone which allows a person to actually identify the joke and (maybe) laugh at it. "Lumberjack Man" has no tone. Nor does it really have a sense of place - the "summer camp" setting for both horror movies (Friday the 13th and its infinite number of rip-offs) and comedies (Meatballs, Happy Campers) for the filmmakers to have some idea of how to present it. But they don't. It feels like most of the action takes place a few miles from the camp anyway. This vague sense of place doesn't help.The movie is, of course, also not scary in the least; it doesn't even really try to be, which is not a problem because no one sees a slasher movie expecting scares. What is a problem is the villain. I don't know what they were going for, but it's one of the least memorable villains I've ever seen in a slasher. It's the typical massive stunt man (and being big does not equal scary) with a face like a block of wood.The explanation for the killer's presence and how to do away with it is, I guess, where the humour comes in. Michael Madsen gives a monologue, complete with an animated sequence, to provide an explanation so moronically bizarre and out of step with everything else in the movie that I couldn't bare to pay attention. It has something to do with pancakes and syrup?This is where the problem with the tone comes in: it's nowhere near ridiculous enough to absorb a sequence like this into the rest of the movie. It doesn't make you laugh at the ridiculousness: it makes you shake your head at the weirdness, and then, of course, you wonder what the filmmakers were thinking, or if they were. You start trying to formulate explanations for how the movie went so wrong.The ending, where this stupid origin story comes into play, is as badly done as you'd expect. I didn't know what was supposed to have happened, but I did know, with one hundred percent certainty, that it had no hope at all of ever being presented cinematically by the people who made this movie.The movie does have quite a bit of nudity (all breast shots). It does the typical thing of having multiple pretty, likable actresses, none of whom provide the above shots. And, weirdly, when the ladies do disrobe, the movie turns into a sexy music video with different music, lighting, dancing. Of course, this only distracts you.As for the "kills", one is fairly memorable: the camp manager is cut in half at the waist, and watches his lower body run away from him.

If ANY director decides he/she is going for black comedy, they have to walk a very fine line otherwise their picture is going to fail and fail horribly. Such is the case in "Lumberjack Man," another in After Dark's compilation for this year. It started with great promise. A group of foul-mouthed teenagers is on their way to summer bible camp. I think the total IQ on the bus might have been 25, but I can deal with that. Their leading camp counselor is a dork you just want to beat over the head with a large object. Of course, every boy (save one) has only one thing on their mind and you can imagine what that is. They are pursued by a doctor (played by Michael Madsen) who is trying to advise the locals of the impending disaster unless someone can stop "Lumberjack Man." Madsen does not take his part seriously, which was a nice change. In fact, he's one of the few bright spots in the picture. It was the director's decision to take this movie so over-the-top where the mistake was made. I don't mind "camp." In fact, it can be rather refreshing in a genre that's gone mainly to the dogs. However, in this case, the director decided he had to constantly club the viewer over the head with language, nudity, and plain old stupidity to make the movie likable/watchable . BIG MISTAKE. If you're going for "black comedy" or "camp," you simply HAVE to make some of your characters likable, but most of all, BELIEVABLE. Only the worst of caricatures were in this movie, from the methed-out bus driver to the bimbos. There was nothing but a constant stream of the f- bomb, boobies, and tepid CGI kills. As for the villain, I've seen better masks on "Face Off." There are no scares, no tension (you see the "monster" from the get-go), and no connection between characters. The movie is rated "R" for constant language, nudity, and some horror violence. Strike "2" After Dark. I've got two more installments I'm going to watch tonight.