So much average

A lot of fun.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

I have no idea how to explain this movie to you. There are moments that are pure ridiculousness. There are scenes filled with amateur hour acting and effects. And then there's an ending that is powerful and shocking. It's really a rough one to figure out. I loved it - but it's another in a long line of movies that I don't recommend to anyone but the people I know who will get it.The old VHS box explains it like this: "A group of college students on holiday become prey for a killer and his two sadistic and demented sons. One son, an unlicensed doctor, is mentally unhinged by destructive brain parasites. The other son, a shy and lonely psychopath, falls in love with a dead girl. While the insane boys are blundering through their destructive rampage, the father stalks the night with random violence. Though he is shot, beaten, and run over by a car, the maniac cannot be defeated.One by one the students enter the horror house, where they must face the malignant forces left behind by unnatural scientific experimentations. They are hunted down, tortured and eliminated until only one girl is left to fight for her life against the trio of murderers.Directed by the notorious rock video maker, Richard Casey, Horror House on Highway 5 is filled with strange humor and wild action."We go from a typical slasher murder right to a classroom, where he assigns three of his students to go to Littletown and investigate Bartholomew, a dead Nazi rocket scientist and make model rockets.The most studious of the kids, Louise, goes to interview Dr. Mabuser, who is the one with bugs in his head. His brother (or partner) Gary falls in love with her, but they still use an iron to sear her breast in some Nazi black magic rite. While that's going on, Sally and Mike go to the quarry to smoke weed and make model rockets. And then there's the whole matter of the guy in the Richard Nixon mask who can't be killed (and who is listed as Ronald Reagan in the credits).Obviously, no one paid for the music used in this film, as it has everything from "Rumble" by Link Wray to acid rock to violins to surf rock like The Safaris to The Dictators and The Count Five playing "Psychotic Reaction."And then the ending! Seriously, the last two minutes of this film, where one of the victims thinks that she has escaped, feels like the movie that Rob Zombie has always wanted to make.

I bought this DVD for three bucks because I'm a fan of low budget horror films, sadly I was a little disappointed. At least I didn't pay that much :)BUT, I did like the first few minutes with the "housewive" being stalked in her own home by Richard Nixon and some of the FX were way better than I was expecting.My second favorite scene involved a drunk couple who run into Richard Nixon on the deserted road, that was one hell of a funny scene!The ending with the final girl bored me and I actually watched it while fast-forwarding.

~Spoiler~ When you've seen as many movies as I have, it's hard to pick one contender for "Worst Movie Ever." I always thought The Woodchipper Massacre held the title. I now think there's a new king in town. Horror House on Highway 5 could really be the worst movie ever. Let me try to explain what little plot it had. There's a Nazi doctor living in Littletown, USA who has a fetish for Richard Nixon and commits random acts of senseless violence whilst wearing a Tricky Dick mask. He has two sons who help him...I think. One son is a retard who falls in love with his victims. The other thinks he is a doctor and that wormy parasites are eating his brain. There is also a hammy teacher who sends his students to Littletown to research the mad doctor and his bottle rocket experiments. What the hell am I talking about? I'm really at a loss for words when reviewing this epic. There's one aspect that completely blows my mind. There are many scenes where characters are walking around in the dark and they hear a "whooshing" sound. The next thing that follows is the character dripping blood. I really have no idea what effect the filmmaker was trying to capture. Was the Nixon character throwing knives? Was Ulli Lommel's Boogeyman hanging around the set? I don't know. The effect obviously didn't work. And neither does the entire movie. Avoid like your life depended on it.

To be labelled as the most bizarrely bewildering title of all slasher movies may not seem like much of a memorable claim. But when you consider the fact that the forerunner is up against such twisted beasts as Blood Harvest, Don't Open 'til Christmas, Pieces, Bloodbeat and the almost extra terrestrial A Day of Judgement, then you begin to realise how tough a challenge it really is. When it comes to leaving you dumbfounded and gasping at the screen - jaw dropped quicker than if you just received a shattering right hook from Mike Tyson – then Horror House on Highway Five has crossed the finish line while the others are still tying up their shoe-laces. A true, true masterpiece of brain-numbing confusion, Highway Five is about as anormalistic as any movie could ever possibly achieve to be inside this solar system. Some of the strange images that will appear on your screen over the 90 minute runtime include: A homicidal maniac in a Richard Nixon mask that may well be a dead scientist and is played by an actor named Ronald Reagan (seriously!). Then there are the two demented kidnappers - one of them believing that his brain is being destroyed by parasites, while the other acts equally like the mushrooms that he ate with his fried breakfast were certainly those of the 'magic' variety. And how could I forget the gang of college half wits who have the intelligence of an autistic bullfrog on crack. Then there's the wacky soundtrack that includes everything from St Peppers-era Beatles style trip-rock to Dion and the Belmonts-type doo-wop? A college class investigating the creation of the V2 rocket head out to a small town (brilliantly titled 'Little Town') where it was believed that the German scientist behind the invention spent his final days in America. Legend dictates that before his disappearance, Frederick Bartholomew became a murderous psychopath and began killing off the people that he worked with. One young student - Sally Smith - is given the task of interviewing two of the scientist's former associates, the crazed Dr. Mabuser and his stuttering sidekick Gary. Meanwhile a maniac dressed as Tricky Dicky is heading along Highway 5 bumping off anyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with him. Will the classmates escape the secluded town alive? Is that really Richard Nixon trying to murder his way back into the White House? All the answers lie behind the front door of the horror house on highway 5… If anything, Richard Casey's debut certainly proves that there are some strange people inhabiting this planet and a fair majority of them were working on the set of this feature circa 1985. You'd think that at some point during the long months of pre and post production at least one member of the cast or crew would have said, "Hold on a second, isn't this all just a little far-fetched?" But no, it seems that the copious amounts of LSD that were handed out as inspirational materials throughout the writing of the screenplay were still in abundance during the shoot. There's really no other way to explain occurrences such as: The second victim throwing herself through a glass coffee table for *no* reason whatsoever, whilst the killer was hot on his heels behind her. It was only moments earlier that she had been pulling strange faces at herself in the mirror; - the kind of thing that you would do if you had been in swallowing LSD for the past twenty-four hours. It may also be the real truth behind Mike and Louise's cool attitude when they find a disembowelled cat mysteriously dumped in the back of their van. If you were hallucinating consistently, then you'd expect to see that kind of thing, surely? Oh and before I forget, Dr. Mabuser seems to believe that his brain is being munched by maggots – need I say more?!? The dramatics are exactly what you've come to expect from zero budget slasher movies. You know, the kind of performances that make your children's high school play look like One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest part deux. There's one starlet that really gave new meaning to the word 'wooden' – she was that bad I reckon that she'd make the Rain Forest look like it was made of Lego. The highlight of her brief performance came as she was being murdered by the former president. With the enthusiasm of a dry roasted peanut she yelped, "Relax just try to put your mind at ease…" Yeah right! Don't expect to see her popping up in any other motion pictures any time soon.This does at least try in many ways to add a little spice to the hack and slash cycle. Alongside the traditional masked maniac, there's at least three other nut jobs to keep you interested and there's even a hint at the supernatural that's never completely followed through. It's also worth noting that Richard Casey didn't go for that old slasher chestnut of having a cast full of pretty boys and page 3 girls to dismember. Instead most of the body count is pretty average in the looks department, except for maybe the final girl who was cute if not breathtakingly beautiful. Oh yeah and a word of advice to all T&A fans, there's nothing but dungarees and double knits going on here. You've more chance of seeing forbidden flesh on an episode of sesame street than you have anywhere in this fully wrapped splatter flick.My conclusion is that Highway Five was either invaded by otherworldly beings on set, was intended as a spoof, or is simply a misunderstood masterpiece. One thing is for certain however, for all its nonsensical frolics and wayward attempts at terror, it sure makes a fine advertisement for watching the telly