Tied for the best movie I have ever seen

Brilliant and touching

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

Amazing worth wacthing. So good. Biased but well made with many good points.

Not for everyone. gore and nudity. despicable actions. but also black humors. worth 7+ , much better then many 80s movie. see after the 1st conan movie as the music from same composer.

Paul Verhoeven's Hollywood debut (as I thought at times when watching this)? No, but it's all in English. Not English English, but with the (attempted?) American accent, and a lot of corny lines which do make it sound so. But there's way too much swearing and nudity for Hollywood here, anyway. Especially the young Jennifer Jason Leigh made an indelible impression on me when I watched this at a relatively early age, and she alone makes this new viewing worth my while.The story has loads of interesting elements and themes going on (connecting the setting of his very early work 'Floris' with themes of his more recent 'Zwartboek'), but it hardly ever comes together - if at all. The trivia here on IMDb offer some insight into why things (also) went wrong, but ultimately, there is no true excuse for delivering such a poor piece of writing for the screen.If there had been plenty of enjoyable action scenes to help forget some of those flaws, I'd be able to give out some extra points, but in that area as well, things hardly ever get impressive.The almost constantly screaming and misbehaving characters (and overacting actors) are pretty annoying on top of all that, so that only leaves lots of interesting basic ideas, some pretty steamy soft porn with beautiful Jennifer, some very nice scenery shots scenes and... the end.3 out of 10.

I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy this despite being a Verhoeven fan because of the historic element and the scale of the tale. Indeed at the start I was pretty certain the two hours were going to be a problem. Lots of anonymous battling with Tom Burlinson introduced as the young lead. Most uncharismatic, though things did pick up with the appearance of Jennifer Jason Leigh. Then with the appearance of Rutger Hauer all began to click and Jason Leigh fairly blossomed in her first major starring role. The sex is more explicit and rumbustious than the violence is bloody and perhaps reflects the times, which have certainly changed in this respect. I found the Leonardo Da Vinci type erections intriguing and amusing and after that shaky start there always seemed to be something to catch the eye or hold the interest to keep a very crowded and dark tale afloat.

It's 1501 and somewhere in Europe a city has been taken in a coup. Its rightful ruler Arnolfini hires some mercenaries to lead a siege to take it back. They do just that. Their commander Hawkwood unfortunately almost hacked some nun's head off during the siege and is now overcome with guilt. Watch where you swing that sword buddy. Anyhow the devious Arnolfini promises to provide medical care for the nun with the hole in her head if Hawkwood will turn on his men and assist in expelling them from the city, denying them the looting opportunities they had been promised. Cue sad faces from the mercenaries as they wander the countryside.The mercenaries now follow their new leader, Martin. He's the leader because he found a statue of Saint Martin while he was digging a grave for his stillborn son. Seriously. Meanwhile back in the city Arnolfini has arranged a marriage for his son Steven and his well-styled 1980s hair to some young heiress. Steven is not interested, perhaps because he worries the girl will have nicer hair than him. But the two would-be lovers meet and after eating a magic root they find under a hanging, rotting corpse they fall in love. Seriously. Oh by the way, this young girl, Agnes, is clueless in the ways of love so she has just had her maid and some random dude physically demonstrate for her how to have sex. The maid is played by the voice of Bart Simpson. Seriously. Guided by the all-powerful statue of Saint Martin the mercenaries show up and sack the traveling party, making off with all the wedding loot and taking Agnes too. Cue sad face from 1980s hair boy.Sweet, virginal Agnes is brutally gang-raped by Martin and his men but doesn't seem to mind very much. She forgets Steven and falls for Martin. So innocent she didn't even know what sex was a day ago she's soon playing footsie under the table and, while having sex in a bathtub, thrashing about like some kind of medieval porn star. Fast learner this girl. Steven sets out to rescue her. Hilarity ensues. Oh wait, not hilarity. Plague. Plague ensues. Did you know you can instantly get the plague and drop dead if you take a sip of contaminated water but if you are submerged in a well full of that same water for hours you'll be just fine? Also, Steven constructs a massive, complicated war machine, the medieval equivalent of a Sherman tank, in approximately five minutes. Amidst all the nonsense is a constant stream of the worst, most laughable dialogue heard in any movie ever. Every once in a while Jennifer Jason Leigh takes her clothes off again. More nonsense happens. Then more nonsense. And more nonsense. And then the movie ends.