Expected more

Crappy film

An absolute waste of money

The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

DEFENSE CONDITION FUN! Yes, sorry for the cheesy summary title, but I enjoyed this cheeseball 80's post-nuclear holocaust flick from our good friends at New World Pictures (They who brought us the immortal 80's vampire-stripper film 'Vamp' and some other goodies). It's a fun low-budget ride about a trio of astronauts manning a U.S. Star Wars defense satellite as World War III/nuclear Armageddon breaks out between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. Following this rather well done sequence, they are quickly brought down and then one of them is just as quickly devoured by starving, irradiated homeless teenagers... and it just gets campier from there.Turns out a sadistic, well-connected college student has somehow managed to takeover this local chapter of post-Armageddon society, so alas, even in the event of nuclear war, it appears we're still destined to be ruled by idiot frat brats. The two shuttle survivors, a hilarious survivalist pervert in a kilt, and the college dude's ex-girlfriend try to make their way out of this easily-led, two-month-old dictatorship society to an uncontaminated area of the globe.Completely lacking in logic, and desperately in need of some good post-nuclear holocaust landscape imagery, it's nonetheless an enjoyable 80's b-movie-action-sci-fi-thriller-comedy, or backfillerdy for short. Watch for the "areolae" scene...

Three astronauts operating an American satellite in space orbiting the globe, carrying a package of warheads, during a turbulent time on Earth as nuclear is a penetrating threat where war is imminent. When an American thermonuclear warhead lands in Russia, supposedly released by terrorists, which doesn't explode, chaos ensues, and the astronauts, faced with the fact that their loved ones and friends will perish, can only look on as the Earth is plunged into worldwide war. Someone from the ground below on Earth, after the nuclear devastation ends with most of the world dead from the nukes landed or dying from radiation in the air, triggers a program which forces the astronauts to land. Landing on a beach, the doctor Jordan(Kate Lynch)is knocked unconscious, while Captain Walker(John Walsch)is removed from the crash-landed capsule by cannibals which cook him over a fire, as astronaut Howe(Tim Choate) tries to find help. Awaiting Howe and Jordan will be a militant group under the command of baby-faced teenager Gideon Hayes(Kevin King)who operates a make-shift concentration camp(..he was the son of a military man, and successfully survived a helicopter crash, leaving him a broke-backed satellites specialist and girlfriend)with other school chums as gunmen. With Gideon's lieutenant Lacey(Jeff Pustil), a pathetic goon who relishes his powerful role which puts him in position to bark orders(..when in truth he'd be mincemeat if left in this world without such company), they take the remaining astronauts hostage, and the rest of the film shows their attempts to break free from his totalitarian grip. We are also shown that, despite most of the warheads having released from the satellite, one has remained lodged in it's chamber counting down to it's explosion time.Maury Chaykin has an amusing role as a filthy civilian named Vinny who, for a time, threatens Howe's life if he doesn't take him to the space capsule full of food, before taken prisoner by Gideon. Lenore Zann is Gideon's Achilles' heel, ex-girlfriend JJ, for whom he still covets despite her rejections. Amusingly, JJ was Vinny's "prisoner"(..but basically, she was using his booby-trapped abode as a hide-out from Gideon)who attempts to help Howe escape. I enjoyed the opening of the film inside the capsule with our astronauts showing their emotions at what was transpiring on Earth. The last portion of the film, once we enter Gideon's concentration camp, kind of ruins an otherwise interesting premise..the idea of astronauts crash-landing on a nuclear devastated world. Gideon, played by King who looks all of 17, as a leader is a bit of a stretch..it's hard to believe that he, Lacey, or any of these teenage clowns, with(..or without) guns could operate a camp of any kind. Gideon is quite a despicable bastard..a kid obviously born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the world at his feet(..there's one scene where he promises his satellite specialist a cooked steak if he reveals a certain password, going back on his word once getting what he desired). But, would such a military brat survive a nuclear devastated world becoming a feared leader over slaves? Bah, I doubt it. I think the film has it's moments, and certainly isn't the worst movie every made as claimed during the user comments. I found it minimally entertaining, being a sucker for post-apoc sci-fi..but, it could've been much better with a more believable story(..and a more realistic villain(s))and focused direction. To start so well, and fall so short is a bit disappointing. I truly feel the film would've served better if the story remained centered on the three astronauts and their adapting to a devastated world.

I think this movie, for what it is and when it was made, is a very good effort. I think it tries to be better than it is, and with a bigger budget and a higher certificate rating (i.e. if it were remade now) would be really good.There were scenes in it that i thought wanted to show the brutality of a post-apocalyptic society but stopped short of fully doing it. The character of the psychopathic Gideon Hayes played by Kevin King was thoroughly unconvincing because he looked like a 12-year old more suited to "Lord of the Flies".This movie is memorable and worth a watch. A good candidate for a remake.

I love B Grade movies. I have a fondness for them which is pretty deep, but this was F Grade crud.For some reason i read the back of the DVD cover and thought this may be interesting. Astronauts crash to earth, have to survive against the diseased and megalomaniacal survivors, criminally low budget. Sounds like a winner.Well winner it was not. Not funny enough to warrant it being "so good it is bad" tag, the diseased people pretty much don't rate a mention, the main characters have no charisma and are pretty annoying, the bad guys are kinda OK, the main bad dude look's like a hobo's Patrick Swayze and has zero acting talent, and his offsider is a lot like Bennet in Commando, the camp, extremely unscary psycho bad dude with a mustache. The story line starts off well but begins to worsen not too soon after the start, and gets worse and worse and then plateaus and then gets worse again. The ending is finally reaches the so bad it is good stage, but if you watch that far into it, as I did, then you are a fool. By the end you are stupider than you were before.Written, Produced and Directed by the same cretin, this abysmal effort wasted my 2 dollars spent hiring it, and my time watching it. I feel cheated. I want blood.