Boring, over-political, tech fuzed mess

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Jason Mewes (Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob, Mallrats) is a para medic who finds a girl in trouble (Erica Cox). Trouble is, she has a bloody secret.The problem is that Danika (Cox) has some really strange foreplay issues. In order not to hurt Jack (Mewes), she has to have her foreplay with someone else before they have sex. Of course, when she has her foreplay with Maya (Amy Lynn Grover), it really gets interesting. Now we have two gorgeous naked babes in bed covered in blood.Jack is really flipping out, because he has to clean up the mess. The body count is really rising.How is he going to solve his problem? Normal women are tough enough, but a vampire?Really funny.

Awful vampire romance/comedy starring, of all people, Jason Mewes (you know, Jay, as in Jay and Silent Bob, from the Kevin Smith movies). He plays a paramedic who discovers a supermodel covered in blood and writhing in a pile of garbage and immediately drags her into his apartment to recover (presumably from an addiction to drugs, but really she's a vampire jonesing for blood). There are three good reasons to watch this movie, and you can see them all right here: www.gossipcraze.com/_mm/_d/_ext2/48245/big_Erica Cox01.jpg. Yeah, Erica Cox is extraordinarily hot. WAY too hot for Jason Mewes, at any rate. The film is pretty ineptly made. There's a threesome scene between Cox, another hottie and Mewes (who could probably just have stayed away), and it's one of the most incoherent sex scenes ever. The comedy is generally very unfunny, though I did like Mewes' filthy-minded co-worker (Richard Fitzpatrick), who keeps suggesting that Mewes sodomize his new girlfriend. Only worth it for the quality T&A. Otherwise, avoid.

Bitten starts as a paramedic named Jack (Jason Mewes) returns to his apartment to find a bloody & injured woman named Danika (Erica Cox) lying between some rubbish bins, against his better judgement Jack decides to help Danika & takes her to his apartment. Jack cleans Danika up & treats a neck wound she has, Jack begins to fall in love with Danika who at first appears all exotic, mysterious & beautiful. However things take a turn for the worse when Danika murders Jack's ex-girlfriend Sherry (Jordan Madley) sprouts fangs & drinks her blood, Danika is a Vampire who needs fresh human blood to survive & a lovesick Jack goes along with it at the start. As the bodies pile up & the guilt begins to hit Jack realises that he must put an end to his & Danika's relationship & put an end to her murdering blood drinking ways...This Canadian production was directed by Harvey Glazer & could be described as a dark comic horror about twisted love & a hot looking Vampire girl, while nothing amazing I did actually quite like Bitten for what it was. The script is nothing that original in the sense of a love affair between a Vampire & a mortal being that has been the plot for many a Vampire film before but there's a nice dark comic edge here with some amusing filthy foul mouthed one-liners, a few mildly amusing gags & there's a fair amount of blood splatter, nudity & sex. There's no real origin behind Danika & her Vampirism, it's never really made clear if Danika was a Vampire all the time or was turned into one during an attack. Bitten is limited in ambition, the majority of the film is set inside Jack's dark apartment & apart from the scene when Jack finds her Danika never actually leaves the apartment. At a little over 80 minutes in length Bitten moves along at a decent enough pace, it has a good laid-back vibe & is watchable if your a horror fan but there's not too much to it & it does get a little repetitive as there seems to be endless chatter about Danika & her needs. Bitten also tries to say a few things about relationship's, dependency & work but it's hardly life changing stuff. Keep watching after the end credits as there's an extra scene which dilutes the ambiguous ending a little although I am sure some will like the sense of closure.The film looks quite good, it's competent even though it's quite darkly lit. Erica Cox is a real hottie & she gets her breast's out on several occasion & for that we thank her. There are a few sex scenes including a threesome with a hot blonde which is also appreciated. As far as blood & gore goes there's a lot of blood splatter but not that much actual gore or special effects, there's a dead rotting corpse & that's about it. There's a really odd scene early on set in a shop where an obviously exaggerated Asian shop keeper directs loads of abuse at Jack for no good reason while later on Jack is sent to treat him after a robbery although we never find out if the guy lives or dies in what I assume to be a message about treating people right. There is also two bizarre scenes which are meant to be funny as Jack cleans up the bloody mess left by Danika after she feeds which are montages set to what sounds like a child's song from Barney the Dinosaur about tidying up your mess.Filmed in Ontario in Canada this looks like it had a reasonable budget, sure it's not Hollywood money but it looks quite nice with good production values. The acting is good, the two leads are pretty good with Erica Cox very attractive to go with it. Richard Fitzpatrick as Roger the comedy relief is amusing as he constantly talks about taking a crap.Bitten is a decent little horror comedy actually, it was a lot better than I thought it would be & together with some nudity & a few darkly comedic moments this turned out very watchable. Although nothing that memorable or amazing I liked it for what it was.

"Bitten" is an incredibly dull and almost worthless vampire entry.**SPOILERS**Frustrated with his life, medic Jack, (Jason Mewes) is content with laying his woes onto partner Roger, (Richard Fitzpatrick) about the situation, and decides to concentrate himself on his job. Soon afterward, he rescues the mysterious Danika, (Erica Cox) from a life on the street and takes her back to his place. Slowly starting to grow attached to her, he tries to get to know her only to discover a dark secret about her. Realizing that she's a voracious vampire intent upon feasting on blood, dragging him into a manic race to keep it hidden from those around him. When losing enough of those he knows finally convinces him that ending the relationship is for the better, he has to find a way out of the deadly situation.The Good News: There wasn't a whole lot here to like. Most of that is supplied by the film's incessant and rampant nudity, which for once is a big blessing. Most of it is supplied by the lead, and by doing it often, it gets better over time and generally works, making the scenes erotic, sexy or just sleazy. Then there's the big one with the full-on threesome that is a lot of fun, even if it's just a bunch of nudity flying around the screen. It's one of the most memorable in the film and has a lot to like about it. The violence in here is also quite nice, as there's some messy stuff in here. From the neck bites to the blood drinking, a couple stabbings with wooden stakes and lots of blood-drenched victim aftermath, this one isn't quite near the top of the genre when it comes to this area but it's got enough to satisfy. The last plus here is the different encounters here that occur between the vampire and the victims. Some are quite fun, such as the two local drug dealers, who are each lured in through rather stupid means and are the result of rather nice ambush assaults that are quite deserving of them, and the different reactions with the ex-girlfriend result in a couple great scenes, especially the resurrection moment which almost moves the three-way out of the best scene in the film. These here are all that's right.The Bad News: There was a lot not to like with this one. Most of this is due to the film's incredibly dull plot-line that doesn't do much of anything horror-related for nearly the entire running time. Hardly anything in this one happens other than the kills or the nudity, and what results is anger and irritation at the film for not doing anything. This is because the film is more of a study of their relationship rather than a horror movie, and that isn't very helpful when it comes time to actually getting around and featuring much of anything that will help this one. It's not like watching their interactions are very worthwhile since it's just endless scenes of them arguing and bickering together augmented by the other relationships, and for some, that might be enjoyable, but that doesn't make the film any sort to sit through. This one is nearly impossible to get through because of this, as it's not all that exciting watching what's going on with this one. The general idea of what's happening doesn't make a film interesting for those looking for more faster-paced material, and those are going to be the ones who aren't too big on this one as the very way it's supposed to play out means not a lot of interesting stuff happens. The only other area that doesn't really work is the finale, which is just over way too soon and really lacks what could've been a fun ending. It resorts to a few punches and a couple other moves before it's over, sucking out the drama quite easily from what should've been a big confrontation. These here are the film's flaws.The Final Verdict: There really isn't a whole lot to this, since most of the time nothing interesting is really happening. Really only worth anything for fans of the genre, this particular style of vampire films or of the creative crew, while those looking for something more engaging from the genre should look elsewhere.Rated R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity, several explicit sex scenes and rampant drug use