Truly Dreadful Film

Excellent, a Must See

This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

In a besieged land, Beowulf, a stranger is drawn to the darkness and must battle against a creature named Grendel and his vengeance seeking mother. This is an odd mixed medieval, scifi and steam punk version of the 6th Century poem Beowulf. It has a pumping score and soundtrack with great visuals and plenty of over the top dialogue and action. Despite a made TV feel director Graham Baker offers leather, weapons, castles, dungeons and a practical rubber suit Grendel hidden behind some CGI reminiscent Predator mixed with Alien.With the prowess of Filmation's He-Man Christopher Lambert is Beowulf, sporting a Sting-like bleached hairdo. Corset squeezed Rhona Mitra is stunning as Kyra although given little to do. Model Layla Roberts shows up as the Grendel's mother and a succubus to effectively woo Oliver Cotton who plays Hrothgar. Former Bond bad guy Götz Otto also features and The Mummy's Patricia Velasquez briefly appear as Pendra. The cast wrestle with the script and for unexplained reasons the voices of the main cast have been re-dubbed (with their very own voices) which can be distracting as the timing of the loop is slightly off like an old kung fu film.Even though made prior to The Mummy Returns the CGI Scorpion King looking monster in the closing act isn't as convincing as Lambert's stunt double's Rutger Hauer looking hair and somersaults.It hasn't budget or the finesse of The 13th Warrior (1999) or Outlander (2008) and lacks the seriousness of Beowulf and the Grendel (2005) but it's far more fun than the lustre 2007 3D Beowulf version.Watch it if only for the costumes and Mitra.

First, I gave it 5/10 points arbitrarily... I don't honestly know how to rank this film.You know those movies that are so bad they're good, even great? Well, this isn't one of them... This movie is so bad that it's... bad.So why five points? Because it's just a really weird, bad movie that didn't actually leave a bad taste in my mouth afterwards. Yes, I watched it late at night when I couldn't fall asleep, which is the only sane reason to watch this movie. And I've seen some movies that just offended me such that I hated them afterwards, but this movie isn't one of them. This movie DID have some thought and purpose at some point, it's just up to the viewer to figure out when it was, what it was, and what it was supposed to be.The cast and acting is... interesting. Imagine my surprise when I see Mac from Night Court standing atop the 'castle' look out early in the film! What??? And Christopher Lambert apparently turned down Mortal Kombat 2 to do this movie (and had the same Raiden hair still) because the movie at the time had a real low budget of $25M... which was later whittled down to around $3.5M, about enough for the production company to cater the set with Ramen noodles during the shoot. It even has Gotz Otto, who is actually a decent actor, and Rhona Mitra who is an even more decent actress...And Grendel's Mother is a genuine Playboy Playmate! And it shows!!! The movie is filmed on location in Romania... why? Who knows, probably because it was cheap. The scenery is unremarkable at best. Apparently it was not a pleasant place to film at either. The sets aren't bad when you consider they were working with a budget more apt for a weekly TV series episode than an actual feature length film. I think a large portion of the film's budget went towards matches and lighter fluid, as there are an abundance of candles and torches in almost every scene.If only some of that candle money had been spent on the CGI stuffs... which is all horrible. I was in school during that era, and happened to be in a class where we were playing with various 3D art and rendering programs. I think based on that experience, it's safe to say whoever did the CGI in this movie had never actually done so before, and/or hadn't taken the same classes I had, or it may have turned out a little better.The props, specifically the weapons... What can I say? The king carries a non-op chainsaw blade on a stick... and that's par for the course. I get that somehow the viewer is supposed to know in advance that this is a 'post-apocalyptic future', and that the prop guy was shooting for a feeling of weapons constructed of anything that such a people could get their hands on... But why does the castle have electricity for things like the PA system and the Weapon's Master's honing wheel, all the doors make a hissing sound like they're being hermetically sealed (it's a big open drafty castle, mind you), dinner is served in pristine disposable foil serving dishes (probably robbed from the Ramen noodle catering truck), and every dead person gets their own personal, plastic body bag with a zipper on it?!?!? I think I like this film for these reasons, because you know this movie drove the director to drink, at least, and that after the first day of shooting the cast just sort of showed up everyday to shoot the movie, knowing that they were making a turd, but by Gods it was going to be a polished turd if they could help it! I mean seriously, I'm willing to bet that the dinner scenes were real! They shot them at actual meal times, brought the food from the catering truck onto set with them (served in those awesome disposable foil containers) and sat there and read their lines while having dinner with each other. Why not, right? 5/10 points, because it's not a horrible movie that leaves you wanting that hour and a half back from your life, but because it's a horrible movie that leaves you feeling so bad for the cast and crew that you can't help but want to give them something to console them... even if it's just five points in an internet review...

The film with Christopher Lambert as Beowulf is even a "love it" or "hate it" film. So I'm going to place myself between those two, just for being opposing. But the truth is that I actually enjoyed the film for what it was. Christopher Lambert has never been a favourite actor of mine, mostly because of his trying-to-be-cool look, which I never have been able to take serious. And his role as Beowulf is not helping on my opinion about this, and he even has white hair...'Beowulf' is based on the ancient legend by the same name, which is about the hero Beowulf coming to the land of Danes (Yahoo!) to fight evil. It is written in ancient English in the year 1.100, and now comes the movie.So, if you are able to summon lot of bad acting, smart action, bad one-liners, distorted rock music and cheesy special effects, you have an action movie - with Chrisopher Lambert. But 'Beowulf' ends up being a mostly enjoyable film anyway ,looking very 80'-ish and having a lot of unintentionally funny moments.This film is, if anything, perfect at a DVD night with the guys.

Whoever made the film wanted it to be set up as a Fantasy Movie. I think Christopher Lambert is actually quite talented for an actor. The action in this movie was terrific. It is very much like Blood of Beasts. Unlike most movies, at least mostly everything took place in a castle and not on a battlefield. Most dark age movies tend to be going for the "Battlefield" stage. That is why this movie is unique, plus, the special effects and stunts. There a few technical things that weren't from the dark age, but that's the only thing I didn't like about it. Everything else was good, that's why I give it an 8. I've seen a hell of a lot worse movies, many.