To me, this movie is perfection.

Boring, over-political, tech fuzed mess

Watch something else. There are very few redeeming qualities to this film.

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

James Cameron's TERMINATOR is a classic, but you know what it's missing? Jesse Ventura. At least, that's what it appears writer/director/producer Damian Lee believed. Six years after Arnold Schwarzenegger's T-800 arrived from the future to murder Sarah Connor and prevent the birth of her future son, Jesse Ventura's Abraxas was dropped on Earth to…protect the co-mater and prevent…something. Right, well it's not thought out so well but it's surprisingly fun for that exact same reason. Abraxas is a Finder, some sort of intergalactic space cop, and he's assigned to hunt his former partner gone rogue, Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen). Secundus is on the hunt for the Anti- Life Equation, a vague MacGuffin that is supposed to give him godlike powers, and the only way to obtain it is impregnating a woman to birth a child (the "co- mater") and then scanning it out of the child's head. I guess. Secundus arrives at Earth and impregnates the unfortunate Sonia Murray (Marjorie Bransfield) before Abraxas arrives on the scene to capture him. With Secundus in custody, Abraxas ignores orders to eliminate Sonia and her freshly born child. And, seeing as how the organization behind the Finders has an arbitrary rule that Finders are never to be executed, Secundus escapes his imprisonment five years later to return to Earth and finish what he started. Now Abraxas must…once again…return to Earth to stop Secundus from retrieving the Anti-Life Equation and using it to…do whatever it is he plans to do with it. Be extra powerful, I guess.ABRAXAS, GUARDIAN OF THE UNIVERSE is hilariously bad. Jesse Ventura doesn't strike me as leading man material, especially in a role where he plays some sort of cybernetic space hunter with cheesy sci-fi dialogue he opts to deliver in wooden fashion. But it's all part of the fun. Abraxas has been a Finder for something like 10,000 years. As Finders, he and Secundus have computers embedded in their forearms called "answerboxes" which seem to act as personal computers and communication devices to keep in touch with home base. Home base in this case is a broom closet with cheap sci-fi computer set dressing from which Abraxas can receive orders from his superiors, Hite and Dar (Dar being played by none other than writer/director/producer Lee). The writing in this movie is delightfully lame, often coming off as something stolen from a high school freshman's creative writing class. Actually, that's a pretty apt description: ABRAXAS is poorly- written TERMINATOR fan fiction. There's so much to love here. Abraxas's absolute inability to interact with normal humans in any way that doesn't come across as awkward and his attempt at blending in with locals using a gym T- shirt, blue jeans, and a trenchcoat. His hidden rat-tail that makes its debut halfway through the film. His very, very, very uncomfortable scene where he's sitting shirtless in bed and invites little Tommy (the "co-mater") to join him as he recounts a heartbreaking tale of two men who were once partners. And that's just our main star.I love Sven-Ole Thorsen in this movie. I guess Thorsen is a big friend of Schwarzenegger who's appeared in bit roles in a bunch of his films, but ABRAXAS gives Thorsen a chance to shine. He's a blast to watch. He combines Schwarzenegger's stoic muscular presence with the occasional outburst of wide-eyed scene-chewing. Secundus is a mental case on a mission in which he'll stop at nothing to acquire the co-mater. Except for breakfast. He'll stop for breakfast, as he does in a bizarre scene where he confounds waitresses by eating the entire breakfast menu (including the bill). No reason for this scene aside from some oddly-timed comic relief, of which the film has plenty. There's even a scene where Jim Belushi makes a cameo appearance as the principal of Tommy's school who insists Sonia pull him out of school because he weirds out the other students. It's all so strange. I don't think the movie knows what it wants to be exactly and the tone is all over the place. But none of that matters because Ventura and Thorsen are just awesome. And, come on, the majority of the film is played over the tones of smooth jazz saxophone that makes the action scenes absurdly surreal. Most of everything in ABRAXAS just doesn't make sense, from the childish sci-fi elements to the filmmakers overall decisions. ABRAXAS is a wonderful mess that runs out of steam a bit in the final act but there are some great laughs to be had.

(Credit, IMDb) An alien "policeman" arrives on Earth to apprehend a renegade of his own race who impregnates a woman with a potentially destructive mutant embryo.Jessie had a burgeoning career in politics ahead of him, so it's safe to say he's probably forgotten about this piece of garbage. This is low budget trash that has no redeeming qualities what so ever. It has very little action, but if you find extremely cheap explosions, maybe you'll get your rocks off on this. There are a couple of fight scenes, but it's hard to pinpoint what's going on, because of the extremely shaky camera work. It's almost like they said "Let's find the cheapest place in the woods to film a couple of fight scenes" I wouldn't be surprised. It has this odd saxophone music for a score. It didn't really fit with the film. Did Jessie Ventura really need the money that bad? He was released from his announcing duties in the WWF over a quarrel with Vince McMahon about merchandise, so maybe, but he went to WCW not too long after. Ventura is on autopilot here to say the least. His lines sound extremely forced, and he looks like he wants to get this over and done with. I don't blame him a bit. Sven-Olen Thornsen is laughably bad as the villain. I couldn't take him or his accent seriously. Marjorie Bransfield is good looking, but has no acting skills to speak of. James Belushi has a cameo as a moronic principal as a favor to his then wife, Marjorie Bransfield. What was up with the kid that couldn't speak? That annoyed me to no endFinal Thoughts: I'm not sure if this is out on DVD, and I'm in no hurry to find out. It's on You Tube if you wanna check it out, but I would advise against that. It's a pretty torturous experience, and a god awful film. I enjoy low budget movies, as long as they are interesting. This will bore you to tearsDUD

Noble alien policeman Abraxas (an earnest and likable performance by Jesse Ventura, who sports a ghastly thin ratty ponytail) arrives on Earth to apprehend evil extraterrestrial Secundus (hulking Sven-Ole Thorsen, who does a mumbly one-note impression of Big Arn throughout), who impregnates the hapless Sonia (the pretty, but extremely blah Marjorie Bransfield) with a potentially destructive mutant embryo. Flatly directed by Damian Lee (who also penned the insipid and derivative script), with a plodding pace, infrequent and ineptly staged action scenes, chintzy (far from) special effects, a meandering narrative, some heavy-handed mushy stuff between Abraxas and Sonia's mute son, mild violence, ham-fisted attempts at humor, a general air of sleep-inducing tedium, plain cinematography, mostly lame acting from an uninspired cast, and a dismal fizzler of a climactic confrontation between Abraxas and Secundus, this dreadful dud makes for a definite mind-numbing chore to endure. James Belushi briefly pops up in a nothing cameo role as a clueless grade school principal. The atrocious pulsating score sounds like it was done by a third-rate 80's hair rock band. Ventura tries hard, but he's fighting a futile uphill battle that he's destined to lose no matter how much of a battle he puts up. A real stinker.

Abraxas (Jesse "The Body" Ventura) is a 10,000 year old Finder, which is sort of like an intergalactic cop. He is sent to Earth to find and capture his former partner Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen). But this baddie is clever in that he quickly impregnates out-on-a-date-in-the-woods Sonia (Marjorie Bransfield) and she gives birth to an intelligent star child within minutes (worst...date...ever!). Abraxas captures his man, but refuses the order to kill the woman and child. Five years later, Secundus escapes from his prison and heads back to Earth to reclaim the Anti-matter equation he has hidden in his son's head (and hopefully make some child support payments). This Canadian gem actually played theatrically in some places (a certain Mobian paid to see it, but he asked to remain anonymous for safety reasons). Ventura and Thorsen were both in THE RUNNING MAN (1987), but don't expect anything on the level of that classic here. Director-writer Damian Lee mostly has the guys running around the forest to a completely inappropriate saxophone score. Worth seeing for a few laughs though and there is one 80s big star cameo that I won't spoil here.