Undescribable Perfection

A lot more amusing than I thought it would be.

What begins as a feel-good-human-interest story turns into a mystery, then a tragedy, and ultimately an outrage.

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

Going by the year of its release, the title, the director and the gloriously over-the-top promotional art, one might reasonably expect ¡Tintorera! to be little more than a mindless, exploitative rip-off of Jaws, but while certain elements of the film have undoubtedly been inspired by Spielberg's '75 summer blockbuster, the film is surprisingly free of massive man-eating fish action for much of the time, focusing instead on the liberated sex lives of two men living life to the full in the Caribbean.Hugo Stiglitz plays businessman Steven, who is recovering from a nervous breakdown; Andrés García is gigolo Miguel, who trades sex for cash. Initially love rivals, both vying for the interest of the same woman, the men eventually become pals and, after sampling the delights of two care-free American girls (whose morals are so loose that they actively encourage a pair of rapists), they enter into a love triangle with sexy blonde Gabriella (Susan George). All is going swimmingly until Miguel is eaten while hunting sharks; after that, Gabriella ups and leaves (one man clearly not being enough for her) and Hugo dedicates himself to killing the fish that ate his friend.Steven and Miguel's constant womanising mean that the film is loaded with enough gratuitous nudity and sexy shenanigans to keep the viewer entertained until the chomping of not-so-innocent swimmers begins in earnest. And for those who like their films extra exploitative, and who aren't of a highly sensitive disposition, the film also features lots of real animal killing (purportedly stock footage, but I'm not so sure) which, although not quite as disturbing as that in Cannibal Holocaust, is still quite callous, with a cute manta ray bleeding from its gills being particularly unsettling.As far as the attacks on humans by the tiger shark are concerned, the first is fairly tame (a weak copy of the opening scene from Jaws), and a later feeding frenzy on a group of skinny dippers leaves the water bright red with blood, but it is Miguel's death that packs in the gnarliest gore, the poor guy having his legs torn off and his head left rolling around on the ocean floor. Tintorera was either extremely annoyed at the number of sharks that Miguel had killed or seriously disapproved of his philandering ways.

My review is not based on the plot or the acting. Rather, it's based on the non-acting. All of the animals in this movie - sharks, fish, sea turtles, rays - were really killed to make this pathetic movie. Shark attack movies are one of my favorite genres. But I became nauseous when I realized that they were really killing these amazing creatures. What an incredible waste and disregard of life just to make a movie. How can this be rationalized? I am so thankful that such pompous cruelty is illegal now.So if you are like me, and enjoy shark movies but have a heart, then do not watch this film. It's really very sad.

Tintorera (1977) * (out of 4) Shark hunters and best friends Steven (Hugo Stiglitz) and Miguel (Andres Garcia) both start sleeping with the same woman, which causes the men to feud but thankfully she's eaten by a shark so the men pick up Gabriella (Susan George) who is okay with threesomes. Soon the three are having plenty of sex but a mean tiger shark has to ruin all the fun. This Mexican picture was promoted as a JAWS rip-off but it has more in common with some cheap soft-core porn film than anything else. The American version that I watched ran 86-minutes, which is nearly forty-minutes shorter than the complete Mexican version. Typically I try and watch the most complete version of any film but the American cut was all that was available and after viewing it I'm glad I did because another forty-minutes would have had me considering suicide. This is an incredibly horrid film but then again I'm not sure what else one should expect from Cardona who has created some pretty bad flicks. I'm really not sure where to start on this one but I guess the screenplay should get a mention. All the characters are so paper thin that you can't help but not feel for any of them and it's hard to care what happens to them as well. The two men come off as some type of God as women are constantly taking their clothes off for them and you have to wonder why. The men have nothing interesting about them so it's clear that the only reason they're "sex symbols" is so plenty of young women can take their clothes off. The nudity is at an extremely high level as women and men are constantly taking their clothes off and we get countless sex scenes. There's a dance sequence early in the film, which is about as laughably bad as anything Ed Wood did. Another problem with the screenplay is that the relationship of the three characters is so poorly written that you can't help but be bored by everything going on. You might wonder why that aspect of the story should matter but it's because this is 90% soap opera and a very bad one at that. This thing might have been sold as a JAWS rip but it's nothing more than a bad romance film. The shark attacks aren't all that impressive but the trick shots of one scene where our three heroes are attack was pretty well handled. There's a lot of stock footage being used but when we see real sharks it's usually watching them die. If you're dead set against seeing animals killed then it's best to skip this flick as countless sharks are killed on screen. The performances really aren't anything good but George fans will be happy to know she does get naked. As you can tell, pretty much everything in this film is deadly bad but I do respect those who could sit through the 126-minute version. Cardona's direction is so all over the place and it lacks any style or pacing that there's really no need to watch any version of this. Plus, what's up with the breathing sound effects when the shark is coming?

TINTORERA is not a horror film but more of a drama about divers who are shark hunters. This is not a "nature vs man" movie, like THE BIRDS or JAWS but more of a sexy light, sun-soaked drama that could only have been made in the 1970s. Even if TINTORERA is not a really good film per se, I enjoyed almost everything about it, except for the shark part. Remove all the shark scenes and you have a sexy little film from Mexico. Nothing deep or revolutionary but oddly enough somewhat original: it's basically a story of a threesome (two guys and one girl) who decide to hang out and have fun with one another, sans attachment. They do eventually fall in love with each other (as demonstrated with the ring scene) and the whole concept of a threesome, probably alien to 99% of people out there, is handled in a surprisingly cool, non-sleazy way.Some call this film soft-core yet it's not. For example, we never see people having simulated sex. They're naked, wearing next to nothing or kissing but never having sex. So, as forward thinking as TINTORERA is, with the threesome aspect, the treatment is oddly quaint, certainly compared to what's on cable TV these days. It's much more entertaining than SUMMER LOVERS, which is almost the same thing but without the sharks.The acting is mediocre. The actors are better when they act in their native tongue than in English. Andreas Garcia is handsome (he sorta looks like John Kennedy Jr) and he fares better than anyone when it comes to acting but it's probably not because he's a good actor but just because he's brazen and spontaneous enough to look like he's acting. His acting style is almost identical to that of a young Richard Gere (see BREATHLESS). Susan George is also not a very good actress but her role here is not easy (a girl having an open relationship with two men) and she happens to pull it off because of the cute naivety she lends to a role that could have been tawdry. This understanding of the characters for the threesome makes me think that the director had more than just sleazy reasons for doing this movie.Am I saying TINTORERA is not sleazy? No. It is sleazy in a "grindhouse" kinda way. But like I said, the threesome is the film's least sleazy aspect. Certainly compared to the moment when the two hitchhiking girls are being raped and they agree to it. Totally ridiculous. But fortunately, the film as a whole is not always on that extremely sleazy level. Another questionable aspect about the screenplay is the girl who gets killed by the shark after spending the night with Miguel. The way her character is treated is unintentionally funny. It's a playboy's dream come true: have sex with a girl and then let the sharks eat your date. No worries about unwanted pregnancies or clingy girlfriends. Arf. And the multiple scenes of real sharks getting killed won't endear animal lovers to this movie, even though I find this less hard to take than the killing of the defenseless turtle in CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST.Once the story settles in the threesome plot-line, the film is fun and it finally finds its groove. I really enjoyed it. It might seem implausible to many, personally I thought it was actually well thought out. It's no JULES ET JIM but the the three characters complemented each other perfectly. It's difficult enough for two actors to have chemistry when playing a couple but here the three actors have chemistry together. Unfortunately that story-line doesn't last the entire length of the film and when one of the characters is killed and the love triangle falls apart and film concentrates only on the sharks, the film never recovers. It becomes boring, certainly because the main character is such a serious drip and because the sharks were never an important part of the story to begin with. Had the film kept the threesome story-line up to the end or at least had a better resolution to their relationship, then I would have given TINTORERA a higher rating. Another thing going for TINTORERA is the Mexican scenery. It's really beautiful and makes me want to move there permanently. I like the 1970s attitude toward sex and/or nudity. It's so carefree and natural looking, compared to the plastic actors of today. Forget the sharks and watch TINTORERA for the 70s sexiness and the beautiful Mexican vistas. It's a definitive guilty-pleasure.