Surprisingly incoherent and boring

A Major Disappointment

It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

The tone of this movie is interesting -- the stakes are both dramatic and high, but it's balanced with a lot of fun, tongue and cheek dialogue.

I loved it! It was so much fun to see so many of my frequent TV faves on the "big screen". Back in the days before "The Middleman", "Firefly", "Six Feet Under" and "Buffy". Not to forget Erik Palladino from a little bit everywhere. Everyone is going through a Change of Life. 12 Stepping with Dracula and trying not to enable each other! An eye-opening view of hypocrisy in the young among the ages. This movie brings blood soaked gore into the modern psycho-babble world, where we have killed "the child within" in order to heal it. A lot of Vampiric fun with moderate to juicy blood flow and a neat moral in the end. Like something Tarantino might have ...cut his teeth on?;-}

This movie is what we got after a group of marginally talented people sat around and decided that what the world needed more than anything else was a cheap, dumb and low brow knock off of the cult classic vampire flick "Near Dark". The Thirst is trash. But at least it appears to understand what it is and doesn't skimp on any of its trashy appeal.Max and Lisa (Matt Keeslar and Claire Kramer) are two ex-junkies who fall in with a coven of dirty and degenerate vampires. Max takes to his new craving for blood like an addict falling off the wagon. Lisa, even though she's the one who rips out Max's throat to make him a bloodsucker and has no problem having a plasma-drenched threesome with the "mommy" and "daddy" of her vampire family, is fighting the urge to kill to satisfy her thirst. Max and Lisa try to kick the blood habit cold turkey and suffer through withdrawal, but eventually remember they have to stop their fellow vampires from slaughtering a bunch of kids at bible camp. That leads to a bunch of poorly staged fight scenes and the script forgetting what the term "undead" really means.This isn't a good film. The best things you can say about it are that it puts a number of naked bosoms on display and has enough spurting blood to fill up an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Beyond that…Matt Keeslar as Max give a performance like a manic-depressive infomercial host. Jeremy Sisto as head vampire Darius turns his role into an acting exercise, where he sees how many different accents he can use in the course of the film. I supposed Claire Kramer as Lisa is okay, but the rest of the cast is either flat as a board or chews up enough scenery to give themselves very serious intestinal blockages.Director Jeremy Kasten demonstrates the sort of directing skill you can only find on your local public access channel. The nicest thing I can say about his work is that I hope he was going for a "so bad, it's good" vibe for most of the film. That's what I hope. What I believe is that he just sucks.The soundtrack of The Thirst is aggressively horrible, particularly the first half hour of the movie where it seems like every 6 minutes a different yet equally awful song rises up during some poorly conceived montage. By the time it got to an insulting imitation of a Rob Zombie song, I had to fight the urge to turn off the DVD and scour out my ears with steel wool.This script is so stupidly melodramatic and emotionally nonsensical that the combined IQ of the 5 people who wrote it couldn't be higher than 86. It just blindly cribs from other gory vampire films without any effort to bring even one new or interesting notion to the mix.If all you want is boobs and blood, there's enough of both in this movie to leave you vaguely satisfied. You should really want more out of film than that, though.

It sucks when your girl is a recovering junkie. Its also not to good that shes went back to being a stripper. What sucks the most is she has terminal cancer and doesn't tell you. Thats just some of the luck our lead character is having in the vampire film "The Thirst".This movie tells the tale of a guy who loses his girl to cancer only for her to be reborn as a vampire thanks to some last minute sucking by a female vampire who "admired" his girlfriends dancing. From there our lead boyfriend finds out about her resurrection and eventually he himself is turned. From there the movie plays out A lot like Near Dark as we meet "The Family" and watch as the main character is taken on a hunt to prove his worth. The bad thing is it does not reach anywhere near the caliber of film that Near Dark was and for a climax we get an ending similar to Return of the Living Dead 3.There are some good things here, very attractive woman all over the place, geysers of blood and some decent moments here and there but the movie as a whole really tries to be a little too much of everything and not a straight forward horror or horror comedy. When movies cannot decide what they want to be that tends to get on my bad side as knowing it is to be one or the other you can get yourself in that mindset whereas with movies of this kind it really tends to make for an uneven ride.In the end "The Thirst" is a marginal movie with good ideas at times and others seemingly taken from other movies of its like to make for a ho hum experience. Low expectations are the key to this one as I give The Thirst: 4/10: Below Average: Not utter garbage but definitely not anything you would want to watch more than once. Odd ball camera-work and some confusion by the writers/filmmakers on what path the movie wanted to tread make this one a cut below average.Thats it for now Pygmies and remember there is a cure for cancer...its Vampirism!!

It's a total "Near Dark" rip-off and some of the elements suffer in comparison to the original and tonally it's kind of scatter-shot, uncontrolled, but very fun and interesting in its own way. One interesting thing is how it takes the drug-addiction metaphor angle-- familiar from "Near Dark" and Abel Ferarra's "The Addiction"-- and runs with it in a really enjoyable, over-the-top way.It's also very well directed though you can see here and there where the speed and pressure of low budget production led to a few key scenes not being as executed as well as possible. But that's really kind of a quibble.I recommend it.