Touches You

Lack of good storyline.

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

Will make things clear right now. This is in no way intended to sound hate-filled or like a reviewer who hates everything review. Quite the contrary. Am actually a fair reviewer with a love of film of all decades, genres and regardless of what the budget is. IMDb's lowest possible ratings are very rarely given out by me, and also have no bias against low-budget films, there are watchable, and even good, ones out there.'The Secret Village' (called 'Salem Witch Hunters' in my country but will call it by the title that in my view sounds more appropriate and more relevant to my feelings on the film) is not one of them. It is actually one of the worst ever examples to me, and not only has a recent viewing for any film been this bad it is one of the worst films ever viewed. Am being serious about this and am imagining the jaws-dropping-to-the-floor-in-disbelief reactions from some right now. Where to begin criticising a film where everything is done so catastrophically badly and where nothing is halfway good? 'The Secret Village' is very ugly visually, especially in the headache-inducing editing, one of the worst cases where a film has made me physically ill. In no way is this intended to be a joke, flippant or malicious, but for anybody epileptic or with any neurological condition, beware, this film should come with a health warning. Apologies if any offense has been caused, that is not the intention. Music is very important to me in film, the music here is dire and perhaps one of the worst ever, even failed composition projects of pre-GCSE music students have written better than what is heard here, a score so inappropriate tonally and in mood and placement as well as sounding cheap it is embarrassing. The direction is non-descript. Have no better news about the script and story, the latter being the worst thing about 'The Secret Village'. The script is horrendously stilted and very intelligence insulting. The practically non-existent story never gets going and never knows what to do with itself in terms of tone or even anything. There is no tension, no horror and no suspense, just non-stop cheese and dullness, and then there is the jumpy structure and constant and often downright confusing back and forth that renders things borderline incoherent, coming from somebody who likes to think that their comprehension is just fine. Regarding the characters, no effort is made to develop them, when they are not coming and going without reason and the few times it's obvious who is who, and they are also really annoying. For a secret village, the film does very little if anything to explore that and make it clearer, what makes this village secret comes over as at the end remaining a secret. The pacing is some of the most erratic for any film, on both spectrums of rushed and dull. The acting is barely worth mentioning, with the leads being atrocious. In summary, incredibly bad and not worth visiting a second time. 1/10 Bethany Cox

I'm not entirely sure why so many people dislike this movie. It's really good. Throughout the entire movie I was getting the Alfred Hitchcock, Psycho movie vibe, but somehow this movie seemed to express much better acting qualities. I fell in love with the obvious romance between the two roommates and then grew involved with the plot. I was biting my fingernails terrified on what would happen next. The music was also really good. You should watch this movie if you love good movies. Really this is really good, I recommend.

For those expecting a horror film, this is strictly G-Rated, Nancy Drew stuff with an ending that leaves lots of loose ends. Safe for the kids, though -- absolutely no language, violence, sex, nudity. But playing this for the kids will be worse for them than a time-out. Again, beware of films with an N/A -- that means it was never submitted to the MPAA, which means it went straight to video. Absolute garbage and it's super-low IMDb ranking is well-deserved. Trust me, any good reviews this crud receives was written by someone from the cast, production crew or adoring relatives. Points to anyone who can figure out the plot, which appears to have been made up as the filmmakers went along. You have been warned!

......and I'm being kind. The only good thing about this whole crapquake is laughing at the many shills here that desperately try to give this 'movie' a high rating and good review. As someone else here has pointed out, having your review history consisting of 1 review i.e. this piece of trash, is a bit of a giveaway, wouldn't you say? But don't feel too bad, you are not alone. There are many analbots out there, just like you, writing the same kind of 'reviews' and every single one comes across like a more-on.I suggest that if you want to continue writing fake reviews that you at least take a creative writing course as, at the present time, you make those Nigerian 419 scammers letters read like George Bernard Shaw in comparison.