Undescribable Perfection

It's one of the most original films you'll likely see all year, which, depending on your threshold for certifiably crazy storylines, could be a rewarding experience or one that frustrates you.

A story that's too fascinating to pass by...

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skid Row Slasher, The (1979) ** (out of 4) From the man who brought you THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES comes another film with a rather interesting title. What we basically have is a nutty guy (Pierre Agostino) who hires cheap women to take photos of them but what he really wants is to strangle them, which he does plenty of. We also have the "Skid Row Slasher" who is a mystery person stalking the streets and stabbing homeless men in the neck. For those interested, the Hollywood Strangler has a lot more victims here and I'd say he has about a 3-to-1 advantage, which I'm going to guess is due to the budget reasons. I guess it was a lot cheaper to hire some woman to get naked than it was setting up a special effect where an actor had to spit out blood after being stabbed. So, is this a good movie? Not at all but when you compare it to other Steckler movies I have no problem saying this comes off as a masterpiece. The budget was so low that Steckler actually shot the film silent and later went back and added narration. Some of the dialogue is downright hilarious due to the various things the killer says. The highlight has to be a scene where he suffocates a woman with a pillow while asking if she's seen the Doris Day flick PILLOW TALK. Those who enjoy the sleazy cinema will be pleased to see a wide range of trashy posters hanging up in the various sets. These posters include TEENAGE MASSAGE PARLOR and several other films and we even get a lot of great shots from the sleazier areas of Los Angeles where there's apparently a porn theater showing DEEP THROAT around every corner or a place selling dirty magazines. Seeing these now gone places is a tad bit interesting and especially if you're interested in those type of grindhouse flicks. The film has very little story as all we get is one scene after another of women taking their clothes off and being strangled. Every once in a while we see a homeless man get slashed and that's pretty much it, although the director does go off the deep end towards the end and adds a love story. The identity of the Skid Row Slasher is meant to be a mystery but anyone should figure it out. The amount of sleaze going on in this film is pretty high as there's countless nudity and blood and it's almost enough to make the film worth sitting through. If you're offended by this type of material then it's best you stay away but those looking for cheap entertainment should get a few kicks out of this thing but even at under 70-minutes the thing goes on way too long.

OK you probably know Steckler as the mastermind behind The Incredible Strange Creatures that Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies!, but this turd is probably without peer in the world of b-movie schlock. OK maybe not. But it's probably the first silent movie to be made in the 70's! Steckler dubs dialogue whenever quote unquote actors are not facing the screen and there's a constant grating monologue by Pierre Agostino running in the background. In the true nature of serial killers, he uses the exact same order of shots every killing! Pure genius. Anyhow watch this with the Joe Bob Briggs commentary on and a six pack, and you'll be pleasantly amused. Trash heaven. Long live Steckler.

An odd, absorbing and even touching low-budget stalk'n'slash meditation on viciously enforced puritanical mores, obsession, psycho killers, sex, nudity, bold-faced cinematic ineptitude, paltry production values and, most importantly, the profound need to spend your life loving that oh so wonderful, but annoyingly elusive someone special.Irritable, homicidal, rigidly moralistic photographer Pierre Agostino angrily throttles every last gorgeous babe who fails to meet his strict ideal of the "perfect" woman. That's until he meets the wacko sicko "pure" gal of his dreams: Equally sanguinary and choleric bookstore owner Carolyn Brandt, who has a charming tendency to slice open the throats of any given filthy, uncouth bum who hits on her. The fact that Pierre has a passion for pigeons and Brandt has this thing for jogging only makes things better. Gee, ain't psychopathic misanthrope amour just grand? Well, this exceptionally stinky, but strangely engaging and enthralling cheapjack trashy ragged-around-the-edges bargain basement poverty-row nickel'n'dime slice'n'dice sleazy junk sure hits the scuzzy spot something lurid. Under legendary Grade Z movie maestro Ray Dennis Steckler's typically slipshod (mis)direction, this choice cheesy chunk of celluloid crud hits all the essential schlock picture bases: we've got a forcefully delineated depiction of the dirty, grotty, thoroughly rundown and destitute Los Angeles milieu, the numerous murder set pieces pack a certain crudely ferocious wallop (the scene where Pierre strangles a hot chick in a jacuzzi with her own bikini top is a real doozy), a hideously meandering pace, clunky, tattered, unsteady cinematography which will have your stomach doing flip-flops, a great woozy, dolorous, wretchedly tuneless droning jazz score, hilariously horrible dialogue (Pierre to victim: "Die garbage!"), a catchy, affecting, truly wondrous ending credits theme song called "You're My Love" that's belted out with lip-smacking gusto by Alberto Sarno, lots of sexy, slender, firm-breasted young honeys who blithely display their delectable bare bodies with splendidly saucy'n'sizzling abandon, a warped, penniless, discontent, brooding gloom-doom slimy mood which grows on the viewer like a bad rash, and -- WARNING: Major *SPOILER* ahead! -- the final climactic meeting between the two titular loonies (they both kill each other) is both quite moving and simply glorious. This winner has almost everything going for it, with the notable exception of one tiny irrelevant thing: Quality. But hey, who needs quality when you can have an unceasingly ratty and repulsive teeming surplus of bottom-of-the-dumpster dwelling dimestore skankbag griminess instead?

This is probably by far the worst movie I have ever seen. I'm not even going to pretend that I enjoyed watching this piece of trash. This is quite possibly the worst movie ever made, and I would suggest to you to rent this movie to witness for yourself. It will be a difficult one to find, but if you ever get your hands on this make sure you rent it. 1 out of 10