The greatest movie ever!

Strictly average movie

How sad is this?

Expected more

TEENAGE ZOMBIES is a Z-grade B-movie from the notorious Jerry Warren. The "plot", loosely described as such, features some typically annoying and overaged teenagers who end up on a remote island resort run by a female mad scientist who has a passion for turning ordinary people into mindless zombies. There's just one sad-looking zombie hanging around for much of the running time and the bulk of the action exists in a mere five minute window. Elsewhere, there's a lot of 'groovy' dialogue and an equally sad-looking gorilla lurking about the scenery. This is bargain basement stuff, which looks and feels entirely low budget, silly, and unworthy of a viewer's attention - that is, unless you're a seasoned purveyor of cinematic badness.

Uber cheap teen horror film makes a Samuel Z. Arkoff production look like something by Samuel Goldwyn. And oddly enough, there are no teenage zombies. The story is instead about a group of teenagers being captured after snooping around an evil scientist's private island, who are then experimented on by the scientists. Pretty bad Z-grade stuff.

Before I get started I would just like to say that this is not the worst low-budget zombie movie I have ever seen. Having said that though, I must admit that it's still pretty bad just the same. At any rate, the general plot involves 4 high school kids who decide to hang out on an isolated island not realizing that there are some people from "the East" (Communist China presumably) conducting experiments and needing live human subjects to continue their research. Apparently their intention is to release a chemical into the United States which will turn a large percentage of the people into obedient zombies. Naturally, the kids get captured and since they don't return, two of their friends get worried and go to the island to see what has happened to them. Now, since I don't want to ruin the film for those who haven't seen it I won't reveal what happens next. I will say however that the acting wasn't that good, the script was weak and the plot was so dull that at times I thought I was watching a segment of "Leave It to Beaver". Now that's pretty dull. Truth be told, about the only good thing going for this film was the cute blonde named "Julie" (Mitzie Albertson). But that's about it. In short, unless a person really enjoys films from the late 50's I would avoid this one altogether.

Throughout this movie, I kept thinking that TEENAGE ZOMBIES deserved a score of 2. Then, as the film neared the end, it crossed over the border to the land of truly dreadful films--making it to the hallowed pantheon of truly horrible films, such as PLAN 9 or THEY SAVED HITLER'S BRAIN. Yes, folks...it's THAT bad! The film begins with four teenagers going to an island that they just noticed was off the coast. Yes, apparently although they lived there in town their whole lives, they never knew that it was right off the coast. Well, when they arrive, they find the place is infested with zombies (though because the budget was so low, you only see one--late in the film they inform you that the place is infested with them). In addition, there's an evil scientist who is apparently responsible for turning people into zombies as some sort of Commie plot. This portion, by the way, is the BEST part of the film! When the four don't return, their two friends who didn't come along go to the police for help. However, the sheriff who is assisting the two is actually one of the mob and brings the two irksome teens to the hideout. There the six teens are about to become zombies until they have the world's lamest fight scenes in history. They grapple on the floor with the baddies like a group of toddlers fighting over a toy--it's that bad. And, when the teens actually take away the baddies' guns, they DON'T shoot them--even when the crooks once again attack them. At this point, despite having guns, the teens roll around on the floor again with the crooks for a while. Perhaps the boys just liked the "funny feeling" they felt when they wrestled with men....who knows.By the end, the evil sheriff and one of the baddies is dead AND a guy in a gorilla suit runs amok on the island as the teens take the two remaining baddies back to the cops. The film ends with the kids all having a good wholesome American laugh.Overall, the acting is as bad as it gets, the nighttime scenes were shot in broad daylight, the fight scenes were just dreadful and, incidentally, there really were no teenage zombies. Well, to be precise, they did turn two teen girls into zombies and turned them back to normal about 30 seconds later. And, as I said above, they could only spring for one zombie and guy in a $9 gorilla suit. It's sad,...very, very sad.If you are a fan of bad films, then it's well worth seeing. Otherwise, it's all very painful and dreary.