Simply A Masterpiece

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

Following a rare discovery in the Amazon, a team of explorers hoping to find a potential fountain-of-youth for their pharmaceutical company finds the area guarded by a monstrous multi-headed snake and must find a way of getting out of the jungle alive.As one of the better Sci-Fi Channel originals, there really is a lot to like here. Among the better qualities here is the fact that for once, the plot-line is pretty credible and creative as the subplot about the search for the tribe in the jungle takes precedence and getting the snake to the background. The atmosphere here is quite nice as the thick, wet rainforest and impenetrable heat allows for a great location to be had to introduce the sake who acts as a guardian spirit for their people, and the little bits featured here gives their society a nice enough grounding to work well for the monster action. As the titular creature, this setup allows for more screen-time for the actors and less for the snake, making his sporadic appearances more effective while losing just a little of that fear. It's a nice gamble that pays off, as there's some solid snake action featured here due to the low number of appearances. There's some great suspense stalking scenes early on as the snake would constantly roar off-screen, the first encounter deep in the jungle that takes place in the dead of night works very nicely as the creepy action is fun with the chaotic scene being a blast and the later scenes at the campsite are really fun. The ending assault on the cave is undoubtedly the highlight, though, as bodies fly in all directions, lots of severed limbs go flying about and there's non-stop action here from the creature appearing during their ceremony and sending everyone scattering and leading to some great chasing throughout the different whirlpools and caves before the big ending here. Alongside the great gory kills and a chilling looking snake, there's enough to like here to hold it up over the film's singular flaw. Despite the fact that it appears to be quite large, the snake is still able to hide undetected in the jungle brush and spring out until it's too late, consistently manages to not only move around unseen it actually sneaks up on people and it's pretty hard to believe that an animal of this snake's size is that sneaky, no matter how familiar with its surroundings. Also, for as great as the snake looks, it's so obviously CGI that it hardly meshes with the actors, and the size of it creates several incredibly distracting scenes and ideas that it really sticks out. However, this is the main problem with the film.Rated R: Graphic Violence and Language.

After a group of researchers discovers a mummy in the Amazon who proves to have lived to an age of at least 300--he had some physiological peculiarities--a "big, evil corporation" sends a handful of scientists back to Amazonia to search for a tribe of Methulselahs. They end up with Stephen Baldwin as a guide, which is good news if you like the Baldwins (I do) but probably a reason to avoid the film otherwise, and they end up discovering a tribe associated with a multi-headed "snake god", which really exists (in the film) and which enjoys eating people after it dismembers them.My rating for this film is something of an average. Being in the mood for some abecedarianism, I gave Snake King an A for aeffort when it comes to gore (if I can be allowed to spell "effort" like "aesthetics"; maybe I should give it an "A for attitude" instead), a B for Baldwin, a C for the clichés, a D for da story, and an F for most of the other aspects, like the cgi, the native costumes and makeup, the lack of suspense, and so on. That averaged out to a D for me, or a 6.The biggest problem is that the story just isn't that interesting, and director Allan A. Goldstein doesn't seem to mind. Although the discovery and search for the exact source of a practical, scientific "fountain of youth" could have promise, what we get instead is a very pedestrian film that couldn't care less if every dramatic situation is by the numbers. In fact, the editing (both the literal film editing and the "flow" or construction of the script) is so bad that the clichés were probably welcomed--they help viewers fill the missing exposition in for themselves.But the final result is that Snake King is almost entirely devoid of suspense. For most of the characters, you just do not care what happens to them. Most you want to die in the jaws of the snake--and soon--so the film can end already, before it gets any worse. Eventually it gets so bad that the climax, and particularly the dénouement, are pretty hilarious. There is a romance angle in the last few moments that comes out of nowhere. It's even funnier because characters stop to make googly eyes and kiss while ignoring the fact that one of them may be bleeding to death. But most of the film isn't "so bad it's good", whether Goldstein may have been shooting for that or not. Most of it is just bad.For a sci-fi channel film, there is little sci in this sci-fi (which arguably, is not unusual). The actual goal is merely to have a film showing a cgi snake mauling explorers 10 Little Indians style, and the real motivation for setting the film in Amazonia is to avoid the cost of building sets. Since the film takes place in the jungle, and some of the crew must be big Predator (1987) fans, they figure what better opportunity to give our antagonist Predator vision (minus the computer displays). Like everything else, this effect has all the impact of a greased cotton ball smashing through steel.Even though the mauling scenes look more like an early 1990s video game, I have to give the filmmakers credit for trying to amp up that aspect. There is no shortage of severed limbs, decapitations, or bodies cut in half. There could have been a bit more blood in the film for my tastes (I'm no champion of bloodless horror, although I don't necessarily mind it). But the more visceral aspect of the film was nice, especially for a made for television film.Although most of the cast wasn't much to speak of--some of them are obviously present just as snake food--I like Stephen Baldwin, as I like all of the Baldwin brothers. I'm a fan of camp. No matter what the Baldwin brothers do, they can't help but radiate camp. My only complaint is that Baldwin should have had an even bigger part. But the prominent "evil scientist", played by Larry Day, was just as fun to hate as Baldwin was fun to watch being campy.Of course, it's difficult to buy any character as being the kind of person who would have the job or social role that they have in the film, including the natives, who have some fairly ridiculous makeup and costumes on (in the main tribe, all of the women are wearing bikinis for some odd reason). There was also a subplot about other explorers, including one who adopts a tribal way of life (played by Greg Evigan). The subplot is never explored/explained very well, so those characters remain more of a mystery.If you dislike predictability, you should steer far clear from this film. In addition to the 10 Little Indians and monster movie clichés (you just know what kind of big confrontation there will be in the climax, and so on), there are the typical "big, evil corporation" clichés. Given the basic elements, most IMDb users could probably construct the rest of the script for themselves.Still, I can't say that I had no fun watching Snake King, and I'd even consider picking up the DVD if I could get it for less than, say, $2. So it isn't a complete failure, but it's awfully close.

Our story begins with the discovery of a dead Indian down around the Amazon somewhere. After analysis, it turns out that he was 300 years old at the time of his death, so a small team is dispatched to discover the secret of his long life. We get the utterly generic guide, the utterly generic female character, and the utterly generic corporate type. And no, I'm not using the word "utterly" without good cause; these people are as one-dimensional as it gets. There are a few other folks around at the beginning, I think a couple of them were named Kibbles and Bits, but my memory is a tad foggy.Okay, so they go out for a nice walk in the jungle, and a few folks wander away from the group and get eaten by a giant snake. If you've ever seen a Sci-Fi original movie before, you know exactly what the snake looks like. The rest of the people run, then once they think they're safe they walk. Repeat several times. It's not a good sign when the best thing about a movie is the totally cheesy special effects.Eventually they meet some Indians who know the secret of long life, but guess what? They ain't tellin'. So there's some inane dialog and a bit of running around, yadda yadda yadda guy kisses girl.If I ask one thing from a movie like this, it's that they give us a hot sweaty babe in a tight T-shirt. They are in the Amazon, right? But this Amazon is oddly cool, perhaps in the mid 50's judging by the jacket the babe wears through half the movie. Having missed that opportunity, there's not much left. I mean, it's not like we care if these people live or die. It's not like the plot is interesting or even makes sense. It's not like, well, good or anything. The photography is nice, there are plenty of beautiful shots of the sun setting over the jungle and stuff like that. So there, I said something nice. I hope the cinematographer finds work on better movies than this in the future.

Someone at the Sci-Fi Channel must have thought making a movie about a giant, five-headed snake in the Amazon would make for a nifty monster movie. It probably could have if it hadn't been for the fact that the giant, five-headed snake is so huge that we generally only see one, two, or three heads on the screen at any given time. That is until the climax of the movie when all five are finally shown, albeit briefly, and even then you never really get a full body view of the creature to figure out how everything is interconnected. The movie establishes that the snake has a tail so they can't use the excuse of it having heads at both ends. I want to know where the hell the fourth and fifth heads disappeared to for the first three quarters of the movie. Were they on a smoke break? Were they given conscientious objector status for refusing to take part in the killing if innocent people? Were they off auditioning for a role in Python 3? Oh, but wait, there are still more problems with the giant, five-headed snake. Despite the fact that it appears to be big enough to give Godzilla a heck of a fight, this colossal, multi-headed snake is still able to hide undetected in the jungle brush until it's too late. The noise it makes when slithering through the jungle is minimal and keep in mind we are talking about an enormous monster with five-heads, each at least the size of an automobile. If it wasn't constantly roaring (This snake doesn't hiss. It roars.), then it would barely generate any noise at all. People are constantly running away before coming to a stop and looking up just in time for one of the heads to lurch down and nab them. Despite being gigantic it still consistently managed to not only move around unseen, it actually sneaks up on people.And if that wasn't enough, there are some serious continuity issues regarding the giant, five-headed snakes' size. It appears to suffer from Deep Star Six syndrome, and by that I mean its size changes depending on what is required of it in the scene. This is highlighted in the climax set inside its lair where it seems to shrink and enlarge at random. Each head is the size of an automobile and its cave entrance only appears big enough to fit one head and neck at a time so we don't even get an explanation as to how the thing even manages to get inside this cave chamber to begin with. Heck, at one point, this gargantuan serpent even manages to hide underwater in a small river just waiting to spring out and surprise someone. Good grief! These are just the problems with the monster. And don't argue suspension of disbelief because there is a huge difference between suspension of disbelief and insulting one's intelligence. Worst of all, the CGI used to bring the giant, five-headed snake is some of the least convincing I've ever seen in a Sci-Fi Channel movie, and believe me, that is really saying something.The fact that the monster turned out to be such a conceptual catastrophe is kind of a good thing because I'd hate to see a potentially cool movie monster wasted on a production as lame, formulaic, and downright dull as this stinker was. A complete waste of time and energy.