Simply Perfect

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

Scenes from a Mall is a hard film to describe. It has a great premise, two great leads that immediately click, a skilled director, and a setting that is one of my favorites. Why the low rating? It's hard to put my finger on what actually goes wrong. The best way is to pick and choose certain scenes and events to explain why the film becomes inferior to expectations.The film is about Woody Allen and Bette Midler playing Nick and Deborah Fifer, a married couple with more baggage than you'd expect. He is a stressed out executive, and she is a marital psychotherapist. In honor of their sixteenth anniversary, they both agree to go to a trendy mall in order to pick up their anniversary gifts. She gets him a surfboard, with his name engraved on it, and he gets her a beautifully framed picture of the entire family.Deborah then finds out Nick has took part in several acts of infidelity. Nick then finds out Deborah has took part in several acts of infidelity. Rather than doing the logical thing and leaving the mall, they continue to wonder around the setting, squabbling, and getting attention from innocent bystanders.Does this sound like a film you'd truly like to see? No. But considering the remarkable talent involved most Woody fans would see it solely because he is in it. Right off the bat, the premise is tiresome. We hear many conversations, incorporating lengthy monologues and several fights. Only about a half a dozen truly interesting. Mostly because there is no zest. The couple is right, and so is the tone, but the true killer is the uninspired dialog.It doesn't seem to have much confidence in itself either. Because it's in a mall, or a sound stage built to look like a real functioning mall, inevitably, you like to look at all the background events. The film is pictorial, in every sense of the word. It relies on goofy setups rather than its own material. Maybe because it feels inferior, boring, or just plan self-conscious. Truthfully, it is a little boring, but those pictorial backdrops don't do much justice.When Deborah buys Nick the surfboard, what does he have to do? Carry the thing around the mall for most of the film. Rather than walking out to the car, he has to carry a big, yellow, protruding board while they walk around the mall aimlessly. At least the film doesn't have some ridiculous cartoon gag where Woody Allen's character hits people with it.There's also a mime, played by Bill Irwin, and he has got to be one of the most annoying film characters of all time. The mime is put in the mall to entertain shoppers, and in the film to provide a failure of comic relief. He mimics the bickering couple in frequent points of the film, and never seems to stop miming or being a nuisance. He's an unnecessary, poorly conceived character who has no purpose in a film like this.Some scenes work, some scenes don't. Some scenes are funny, some aren't. It's a mere gamble. Woody Allen and Bette Midler create some undeniably fantastic chemistry, but the rest of the film fumbles because that is truly the only thing it has to offer. Scene from a Mall is cute and often harmless, but it suffers from a dreary script and "too cute of a setting" syndrome.Starring: Bette Midler, Woody Allen, and Bill Irwin. Directed by: Paul Mazursky.

Director Paul Mazursky is always at his best when satirizing trendy Southern California lifestyles, and he does so here from that most quintessential Southern California setting: the shopping mall, where Bette Midler and Woody Allen break up and reconcile over the afternoon of their 16th wedding anniversary. The windy script was obviously written with Allen in mind, but the New York comedian is just as clearly out of his element playing a nouveau-riche, pony-tailed attorney with a taste for sushi and frozen yogurt. The sheer novelty value of such unlikely miscasting is irresistible, especially with the typically neurotic Allen paired (for once) against a co-star as extroverted as Midler, more or less reprising her role from Mazursky's 'Down and Out in Beverly Hills' (1986). But the film never rises to the laugh-riot level expected from the talent involved: it's a claustrophobic, one-act, two-character comedy, no less thin and shallow than the LA culture it mocks, and often pointless except as a vehicle for its two bankable stars. Imagine the film with two unknown actors in the same roles, and it all but disappears off the screen.

Woody Allen and Bette Midler play an affluent married couple with teenage children. He is a lawyer, she a celebrated psychiatrist with a bestselling book. The two stars cover about 80% of the picture either talking to each other, an unseen person on the phone or themselves. They could not appear any more selfish, superficial than perceived here.On their 16th wedding anniversary (with big plans for a celebration) both confess to the other their affairs. Halfway into the film, I wanted them to get a damn divorce and get it over with. These two quickly turn from annoying to totally unbearable. Only one thing would be worse than watching this nonsense: Being one of the two characters. Sad! Allen and Middler are Superstars who need not waste their talents on such stupid material. Are they selling out, or why would they do this to their solid fan base? Please, don't offend my intelligence like this ever again!

Someone from Hollywood with a sympathetic heart should gather up all the prints of "Scenes from a Mall" and take a match to them. It would be an act of generosity. This comedy from Paul Mazursky is pretty much an appalling waste of film, and a waste of time for stars Woody Allen and Bette Midler. Allen and Midler play a California married couple 'celebrating' their 16 years together as husband and wife; they share a scene near the beginning in the bathtub, and see if you squirm through it as much as I did. I laughed one time during this atrocious fiasco (where Bette buys a new dress and Woody tells her she looks like his aunt). Otherwise, it's a claustrophobic drag with seemingly no script to fall back on. Everyone is winging it--badly. NO STARS from ****