The Worst Film Ever

Simply Perfect

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

This is the absolute bottom of the holiday barrel, a trip through hell that one can never prepare themselves for. You think you've known pain? You've known nothing, to quote Samhain.On Mars, Momar and Kimar are worried that their children, Girmar (Pia Zadora, who also sang the horrifying song "Hooray for Santa Claus," but let's forgive her because she was in The Lonely Lady) and Bomar are watching too much Earth TV. The big thing they're all excited about is a live interview with Santa. But the kids have some pretty big issues - their education is fed directly into their brains with no individual thought.The wise ancient Chochem has seen this coming for centuries and says that Mars also needs a Santa Claus. The Martians are all pretty much assholes, so they decide to steal Earth's Santa instead of creating their own.Along the way, the Martians kidnap two Earth children along with Santa. Voldar, a Martian hardliner, disagrees with this idea and keeps trying to kill Santa and the kids. Yes, in a holiday movie meant for children, Santa faces death. Sadly, this film is so painful, children very well may cheer for Santa's doom in the hopes that this movie ends sooner.Then there's the wacky Martian named Dropo, who will challenge your will to live. There are all sorts of badly made toys, wacky hijinks and murder plots. The fact that parents would subject their kids to this travesty upsets me to this day.

This film is not that bad. It is weird but for what it is it works wonders. To me this film was part of the annual must see movies when it popped up on television during Christmas. Yes the plot is silly. The acting silly but you know what "I still enjoy this film" because at the end of the day it still told a story and it entertained me. Now the lo frills special effects help makes this film charming. It is very sad that this film is in the public domain. Which means everybody can release this film on DVD also there is no money that can be made from a restoration which this film sadly needs. If you don't know the story in a nutshell:Martian ruler Kimar (Leonard Hicks) is upset that the children of Mars are lazy and under the influence of too much pop culture from Earth. They are obsessed with the planet's television programs and don't want to do much of anything. In an attempt to get the kids peppy again, Kimar orders the kidnapping of Santa Claus (John Call), hoping that the jolly old toy maker will know how to cheer the children up again. But two Earth children are also nabbed, and this complicates things for Kimar.

It hard for me to believe that this film is now in public domain. Because there is "No Rights Holder" anybody can show this film for free . That's too bad because this film is desperately needs to be restored.So what is with all the hate? This film in reality has a strange/weird vibe to it and it makes enjoyable. The story is simple. Martians kidnap Santa Claus. The martians need Santa to bring joy to their children. If this film gets remade it will be bad. For all the hate on this film it is not really all that bad. If you want to see a terrible film then watch "Christmas Grace" or "Salvation Street"

Oh dear! As misguided family movies go, they don't come much more misguided than Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. A meagre budget does not necessarily spell doom for a film (check out some of Mario Bava's films, for instance, which had little money behind them but still emerged pretty good on the whole), but in this case the lack of funding is evident in almost every frame. The whole film is a desperately sad attempt to make a movie for kids and adults to enjoy together – kids are likely to be hugely unimpressed by the lame comedy and boring story, while adults will be depressed by the woeful acting, production values and plot. One critic wrote: "frankly, I am ashamed to be from the same species as the people who made this movie". Which sums it up. Perfectly.On Mars, the Martian children are acting strangely. They seem lethargic and depressed; Martian leader Kimar (Leonard Hicks) notices that his own kids are especially gloomy, and wonders if their obsession with tuning into Earth TV programmes is affecting them. The Martian leadership council summon a wise old elder to ask what he thinks is wrong with the kids. The elder (Carl Don) says that the Martian kids are not allowed to play, to have fun, to be young-at-heart, etc, and this, coupled with the fact that it is almost Christmas time on Earth, is making them unhappy. By watching so many Earth shows, they are learning all about Santa Claus and festive spirit, and feel like they're missing out. Kimar decides to take a unit of men to Earth to kidnap Santa (John Call) and bring him back to Mars to cheer up the children. They accidentally end up capturing Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti), a couple of Earth children, as well as old Saint Nick himself. Trouble beckons when Martian subordinate Voldar (Vincent Beck), who has been vociferously opposed to the plan from the word go, tries to sabotage the mission by doing harm to Santa and the two Earth children.The sets wobble and bounce, the outfits look ultra-cheap and unintentionally funny, the make-up is pitiful (towards the end the green Martian make-up must have almost run out as the Martians look nearly white… unless there's a whole racist subtext at work?), and the performances are roundly terrible. Don as the elder is so awful, adopting a croaky drawl which makes him sound like a constipated cockerel, that the audience is reduced to guffaws during his scene. The others fare little better (Stiles and Conforti are wooden as the Earth kids; Call chuckles away inanely as Santa; and Bill McCutheon as comic relief character Dropo is so irritating one wishes one could strangle him and quietly dispose of him in the space garbage!) At least Hicks and Beck try to give interesting performances as bickering Martians, although the dumb dialogue defeats their efforts. Worst of all is the utter deadly dullness of the film. I literally cannot watch this movie in a horizontal position – I attempted to view it twice in bed, and was sound asleep both times within mere minutes. In the end I stood up and watched the movie whilst ironing to make sure I stayed awake. That bad, you ask? You bet ya!