What a waste of my time!!!

This movie was so-so. It had it's moments, but wasn't the greatest.

There are moments that feel comical, some horrific, and some downright inspiring but the tonal shifts hardly matter as the end results come to a film that's perfect for this time.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

Terrible movie, great MST3K episode. The movie, bad in just about every aspect. The acting, writing, and special effects are on par with a high school play. If you think that the presence of Jack Palance can save this movie, think again. He actually makes the movie worse by just being a good actor. He makes it glaringly obvious that the rest of the cast is horrible. Oh and the costumes, my god the costumes. For a fun game while watching, drink every time they say Cabot. You'll be drunk within the first 15 min of the film, and that's bound to make it more interesting.

Most simply, these movies are proof that science fiction and fantasy have fallen completely.From Asimov's foresight and Tolkien's epics... devolve this sexually awkward televised game of Dungeons and Dragons?! I am disappointed with the genre because of this film.No plot, annoyingly hollow characters that never develop, horrible actors, and a poor concept from the beginning make this movie (and it's twin) worthless. Quite literally, Mother Goose's simplest tale has miles more to say about the world. While such a feat used to be hard for this genre, now it seems 9 year olds get novels published, and screenplays filmed.It gets a second star simply for being so easy to heckle. The Mystery Science Theater 3000 version is more enjoyable, and illustrates my point beautifully. However, this episode is a little wasted if you don't watch with friends and heckle along too.

Agghhh! Why do the Italians continue to make these horrible cheap knock-offs of American genre films? To ship them directly to video over here and makes tons of filthy lucre, or Lira, or whatever, off the poor unsuspecting American public's pain. In this awful serving, which is a sequel to a film that I haven't(thankfully) watched(I actually saw the first movie to Cavedwellers, much to my horror), an idiot professor by the name of Tarl Cabot(what kind of stupid moniker is that, anyway?!) is drawn once again to the planet called Gor. Along for the ride is his 'friend' and fellow professor, Watney(again with the ridiculous name!). This guy is one of the most annoying characters ever put onto film. He has a contest with himself early on in the film to see how many times he can say Cabot! in the space of five minutes. Four thousand and twelve, I think the total was. If only I'd had a shovel and a way to get into the movie, that sucker would have been toast..Anyhoo, Cabot arrives at the capitol city of..umm...the country? Planet? Or whatever, of Gor, called Koroba. Here this turkey is greeted as a hero(did the good citizens have nothing else to do that day?) by one and all and taken into the castle of the King. He's in love with the King's daughter, although how she stood his open mouthed trout kissing is anyone's guess. There's a lot of misogynistic scenes with scantily clad women and, more disturbingly, an equally scantily clad albino dwarf(am I making that up? God,I wish I was). Apparently Cabot and the dwarf are 'old friends'(nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Enter at this point the venerable Jack Palance(what is he doing in this piece of crap? I mean, I know a job's a job, Jack, but come on!), dressed in a ridiculous costume with what looks like a split butter top loaf of bread on his head instead of a hat. He's supposed to be the second bad guy, along with the evil younger Queen that the King married(sure, seventy year old decrepit guy, she married you because she loves you! Yeah, right!).Cabot's wormy friend Watney is seduced by the Queen(ewww!) into helping her frame Cabot for her husband's death by really sharp blade. He goes on the run with his personal dwarf, and we see them wander for days in the desert(or that's what it feels like, anyway). During this time, we get an immense amount of buffalo shots from the two men in their tiny loin cloths. I SO did not need to see that dwarf's butt cheeks the fifteen times or so that they showed them! They see a slave caravan where the slaves are wearing toilet seats instead of collars around their necks, and the dwarf unfortunately stops Cabot from drinking some poisoned water. Dammit, Herve, couldn't you just have let him die? We would all have thanked you, believe me!They get out of the desert and save a slave girl from the market. Cabot gives her a lecture about loving freely(who does this guy think he is? John Brown Cabot?) then he goes back to the capitol city to try to rescue the Princess(who was in a wrestling match with a pair of lesbians) and stop the evil Queen and her creepy old High Priest adviser(Palance). Of course he succeeds, when in reality this guy would have had as much chance of winning the day as he would have had successfully hang gliding off of Mt. Everest. You'd at least think that the utterly infuriating little toad Watney would have been killed by the Queen, but no...the last scene is of this total moron walking down a road in 'America'(for America, read Italy), still wearing the lame ass costume he got in Gor. Once again I have to take my hat off to the Italians, who loved making films with scantily clad well oiled idiots pretending that they're big, bad swordsmen and wizards. These aren't even B grade films-they're more like Z-grade for the most part, although most of them do have the laugh factor going for them, since they're pure Italian cheese of the stinkiest kind.

Ok, the movie on it's own is pretty horrible, but when you had mike, servo and crow to the mix, it becomes the funniest movie ever made. The whole Jack Palance bit just got me going. However, if you're just watching the movie, you can surely appreciate the cheese that this movie presents. As it is commonly said, there are bad movies, and there are movies so bad they're good. This falls into the latter category. Much like Battlefield Earth.