The Worst Film Ever

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

Zalman King is almost the byword (bywords?) for erotic films and he certainly tries with this one. We have Billy Zane giving us his brooding, rebellious Billy, Joan Severance as Irene, the everyday wife and mother with a traumatic secret, and May Karasun as the sexually adventurous Grace, who find themselves together on the shores of Lake Consequence. Billy and Grace begin to unlock Irene's secret by some steamy scenes which of course are almost obligatory in a Zalman King film. May Karasun naked on the pontoon is a sight not easily forgotten and Joan Severance oozes sexuality with her sultry looks.Technically, the film suffers, though, from a constant stream of quick flashbacks accompanied by banging drums. These quick flashes may have been intended to heighten the mystery of Irene's past but to me they were simply annoying. To make matters worse, Irene's dialogue at the crucial time was so soft, it was almost impossible to hear. Irene's actions, running through the woods when Billy refused to take her with him were laughable. How to sum-up? A good film for fans of Zalman King but it could have been put together better.

A 30-something housewife gets a crush on this manual worker who is living in a caravan close to her house. She feels sexually unsettled despite possessing a pleasant home, a charming little son and a loving husband - who are, as it happens, just off on a fishing trip for a few days. She is so besotted by her initial contact with the worker that she enters his caravan in his absence and sentimentally strokes some of his books. Then, a shock - suddenly the vehicle is driven off with her inside.Quite a good start, you might think. But it soon deteriorates into the soft porn, witless directionless movie matched by a few thousand others. The caravan stops beside a picturesque lake and a superbly-built naked blonde bather enters the scene. She soon persuades the non-swimming housewife to not only enter the water, but submit to being ferried on her back by said blonde to a large swimming-raft. As you may imagine this is the start of some lesbian goings-on.The manual worker of course returns complete with rippling muscles and completes the sexual triangle which somehow finds itself later immersed in a stormy jacuzzi in the middle of Chinese New Year junketings. Our mild housewife, after being caressed under water by Mr. Muscles, gets a bit put out when she sees him paying similar attention to the blonde, takes one of the burning candles which bestrew all porny films at erotic moments and, via a handy diaphanous curtain, sulkily sets the whole place on fire.As if that were not proof enough of brain-damage in the direction department, the script (?) takes another, even less likely twist when Mr. Muscles not only drives the obviously bonkers, still-naked woman to her home (hubby and little boy having fortunately not yet returned from the fishing), accompanies her indoors, lectures her on her wifely responsibilities, finds her a dress and clothes her, disappearing before hubby and son return to enjoy a rapturous reunion.A sadly flawed irresponsible film despite the best efforts and good looks of the women. A jarring note was the frequent loud crashes in my speakers accompanied by split-second images apparently inserted by the director to keep the audience awake.This nonsense barely deserves the four rating it has been given.

Joan Severence is hot as a wife and mother who takes a chance and "broadens her horizons" by following a tree trimmer. Passion ensues with Billy Zane and another woman. The threesome will leave you breathless. It is also available in an "unrated" format. It adds slightly more steamy scenes, without being too too graphic (which is a shame). At the end of the film you will want (need) to have a partner nearby. Imagine loving bread, wlking by a bakery with fresh bread cooling in the window, and having fifty minutes to wait until opening.

After writing "9 and a half weeks" Zalman King begin to make well-lit soft sex movies. He and his partner Rafael Eisenman their best TV-movie's "Lake Consequence". An erotic drama with real screenplay (!) and talented, beauty stars like Joan Severance and Billy Zane. Some word that you'll might never forget: "You got many fish, darling?"