Sorry, this movie sucks

Memorable, crazy movie

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

Satan himself releases snakes on a small town, all to get back at the ancestor of St. Patrick. If this sentence makes you say, "And then?" you are the person that this movie was made for.The majority of director Bob Claver's work is on the small screen. So if this feels like a TV movie to you, that's fine. Is that even a bad thing? Not in these parts.Father Tom Farrow (Fritz Weaver, Creepshow, Demon Seed) has lost his faith. His town? It's getting a new dog track. And then the devil makes all the snakes go crazy! He teams up with Dr. Maggie Sheridan (Gretchen Corbett, Let's Scare Jessica to Death) and herpetologist Dr. Paul Hendricks to save his town before its too late.This is the debut of Christina Applegate. Her mother, Nancy Priddy, also appears in the film.It was shot by Dean Cundy (Halloween), so there are some moments of artistic flourish despite the low budget. There's also a scene where a snake gets its head shot off that had me fall on the floor in a fit of hysterics.Honestly, I've never seen a movie that somehow rips off Jaws and 1970's occult cinema at the same time. It also has some elements of rural backwoods melodrama, so if you like that sort of thing, this would be the movie for you. Also - a drunken priest! I'm sure here's an IMDB search list for that!

A giant king cobra escapes from a freight train, to stage a biblical war against a town priest (Weaver) whose faith is waning. Numerous deaths occur leading Father Farrow to the conclusion that it is Satan himself, incarnate as the biblical serpent of evil, sent from hell to bring about damnation to human kind. Or, as herpetologist Jon Korkes prefers, "it's just a big snake". Contaminating the plot, is a much anticipated opening of a local dog track that a local businessman – supported by the morally corrupt mayor of course – is determined to see through at any cost. End result, while the punters might have missed an opportunity to flush their hard earned, they are, on the other hand, spared a holy war of biblical proportions thanks to the renewed faith Weaver finds, just in time to save his soul.Technically well constructed, with performances of conviction, and generally well paced, there's nothing ostensibly wrong with this mild shocker – even the make-up effects are generally better than most films of the snake ilk. The church organ inspired score can be irritating at times, and some of the supporting cast rank amateurs, but generally speaking, it's not unlikeable for the first 85 minutes.Disappointingly however, the film peters to the climax and instead of some "Exorcist" or "Omen" style epic fire and brimstone, we're treated to an alter ritual in the catacombs, where "Satan" has abducted the good Dr. Sheridan (Gretchen Corbett) and is holding her captive in wait for the man of the cloth. Add in a couple of conversions to the deal, and what we've got here, is surely a miracle.That's Christina Applegate as the token child victim, while veteran actor/producer Norman Lloyd looks as confused as the audience, trying to explain how Fr Farrow's bloodline is the cause of Satan's return, every three generations (or something like that). So, while not without some justifiable criticisms, this isn't that bad and certainly not the stinker that kept it in the tin for three years, before it was finally released in 1982. If the distributors were hoping for maturity in that time, alas, it didn't quite happen, but still worth a look.

Imitating the success of a certain horror classic is quite easy. Everybody did it back in the early 80's. All you had to do was steal the basic concept of a great film and/or box office hit, add more nastiness and preferably some sleazy sequences as well, and you had yourself an insignificant but enjoyable horror movie. Ain't nothing to it. One thing that does require a lot of courage (and tasteless insanity, for that matter), however, is to simultaneously rip off TWO legendary horror classics even though their plots have absolutely nothing in common! The title of this shameless piece of 80's cheese reveals it all: we are dealing here with a cash-in of both "Jaws" AND "The Exorcist". How can you possibly blend the concept of animals on the rampage with satanic possession, I hear you ask? Well, you can't… Surely the first draft of the screenplay made this clear as well, but they went along and made the movie anyways. In a godforsaken rural town in Alabama, Satan suddenly and for no apparent reasons possesses a rattlesnake. Or maybe He simply just appears in the form of a virulent snake? Actually, that would explain why it suddenly turns into a King Cobra. I don't know, either that part of the script didn't get explained properly or I wasn't paying enough close attention. Numerous dead bodies, mutilated with giant gaping holes in their faces, have to pop before the local priest decides to come into action. He's a direct descendant of a family of Druids, so if anyone can exorcise this slithery venomous demons, it's him. In good old Jaws tradition the town's prominent council members also refuse to admit there's a problem, since they just opened a fancy dog-racing track and hope to lure many tourists with this attraction. "Jaws of Satan" is a delightfully inept and imbecilic low-budget horror flick, typical for the early 80's, with clumsy effects and laughable "stunts". This is the type of movie that wants us to believe one of the characters comes into face to face contact with a deadly snake, even though you can clearly spot the dirty Plexiglas that separates them. Another character, the female lead heroine, spends an incredibly long time on the bed with a snake whilst nothing happens. She calls her boyfriend for help, and even though he's in his motel room a couple of streets away and still needs to get dressed first, the snake patiently awaits his arrival before launching attack. There are a bunch of underdeveloped sub plots that lead nowhere, like a rapist biker chasing the heroine or a spiritual medium lady that can't even predict her own death. On a slightly more positive note, the snake-bitten faces of the victims are quite cool (although it's the exact same make-up repeated 6 times) and the rural Alabama filming locations are very enchanting. And yes, that cherubic little blond girl is indeed the future Kelly Bundy in her very first appearance.

(There are Spoilers) Almost dropping dead from fright Evelyn Downs, Diana Douglas, the president of the Green County Historical Society and part time Witch saw something in Father Tom Farrow's, Fritz Weaver, coffee cup that left her stunned and unconscious.Later the confused and befuddled Father Farrow is told by the Monsignore, Norman Llyod,of his church the horrible secret of Farrow's lineage. Father Tom's Great-great-great-great-great Granddaddy back during the middle-ages in jolly old England did a number on the local Druids who were in league with the Devil. For that his's family was cursed since then by the "Evil One" with death and destruction. Now it's his, Father Tom's, turn to pay for what his long ago ancestor in England did. The brood of snakes, Cobras and Rattle Snakes led by Satan himself, in disguise as a giant King Cobra attack, move with lighting speed and kill about a dozen residents of Green County. But when it came to kill their intended target, Father Tom, as well as the two co-stars in the movie Green County's hospital director Dr. Maggie Sheridan & Herpetologist Dr. Paul Hendricks, Gretchen Corbett & Jon Korkes,the snakes just laid down and seem to play dead. There was an incredible scene in the movie when Maggie is at home and takes a shower and then drys and puts on her nightgown and goes to bed. All this with a deadly Rattle Snake slithering around in her bathroom shower and bedroom within inches of her! Then for some unexplained reason the snake doesn't bother striking it's poisonous fangs into Maggie's body? It gets even more ridicules when Maggie finally, after what seems like a half hour, sees the snake and then calls her boyfriend Dr. Hendricks for help. Dr. Hendricks gets out of bed gets dressed runs to her house, which is about a mile away, and then after pinning the snakes head to the wall blows it's brains out! What was the snake waiting for all this time? For Hendricks to come to Maggie's rescue and kill it? Fritz Weaver looked like he would rather do something else then be in the movie. Weaver walks around during the entire film in a daze trying to figure how he ever ended up in "Jaws of Satan" in the first place. Maggie being a whistle-blower and trying to warn the public about the danger of the attacking snakes is almost kidnapped raped and murder by this psycho biker, Mike Smith the 34th. Smith the 34th was hired to stop her from letting the truth out by Green Country big business man Matt Perry, Bob Hanna. Perry has a lot to lose by the public being in fear and not venturing out with his dog track about to open with nobody showing up for the Grand Opening. This jerk was so determined to open the dog track that even after his 10 year-old daughter Kim, Christina Applegate, was bitten by a rattler at the track he still didn't want to have it closed down!Maggie is saved from the crazed biker by non-other then Satan himself wearing a King Cobra outfit. The movie "Jaws of Satan" comes to it's inevitable and non-surprising conclusion with Father Tom running to the rescue of both Maggie and Dr. Hendrick,who ended up trapped in the snake cave. Father Tom then does an Exorcism in both English and Latin causing the nest of vipers to catch fire and go back to where they came from.What makes the movie "Jaws of Satan" worth watching is to see the actors in it play their parts completely straight. Not realizing just how absurd the movie was until they actually saw it and by then it was too late for them to quit.