So much average

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

At the beginning of the movie, Jack is rescuing a damsel in distress who is being held prisoner in a modern building guarded by a high-tech security system which has a female voice asking,"Who goes there?"But it's not real. Jack lives in a fairy-tale world and his stern teacher does not like to see Jack daydream. Many of the familiar children from fairy tales are in the class. Jack is learning how to be a hero, unlike his long-lost father who is regarded as a coward. Since Jack is having difficulty in class, he is given the advice to sacrifice his most important possession. Even though people dress as Europeans did over a century ago, this world has manga, rock music and even video games. Jack's prized possession is the video game C.O.W., and a pawn shop appears mysteriously. The owner wants to give Jack a lot of money but that would not be a true sacrifice. Jack actually talks the man down and is given three beans.When Jack gets home, has mother is sad because she has lost her job. Elves come in at night and finish her work, so she has been fired because she is not needed. She doesn't know what they are going to do. Jack tries to get his C.O.W. back but the pawn shop disappears as mysteriously as it came. All Jack has is a book of his adventures, which has only blank pages for now. So all he can do is throw his beans out the window. Grayson the Goose eats one and the others grow into a giant beanstalk.Grayson now looks human and can talk. He wakes Jack, and they soon begin their climb. Grayson is reluctant but eventually goes along.At the top of the beanstalk, our heroes discover a kingdom ruled by a giant. Verri Saddus has lost his granddaughter Destiny, now a harp, and only Jack can get her back. The journey begins, and each time a milestone is reached, Jack's book tells more of the story. With the help of Jillian and a guard who can only say the opposite of the truth, Jack and Grayson must find the giant's castle and free Destiny. Grayson has an interesting quirk: when he gets scared, he lays golden eggs. Yes, HE lays eggs.Meanwhile, back on the ground, Jack's mother is horrified when she sees the beanstalk and discovers Jack missing. The townspeople don't seem too concerned and in fact, they want the beanstalk cut down because it is a hazard. Three cops named Who, What and Where are given the job of finding Jack, but all they really do is a funny parody of Abbott and Costello.So will Jack be a hero? Will the beanstalk be cut down, leaving him stranded? This is a very good movie, with nothing offensive unless you don't like potty humor. But the movie still got a TV-G rating. I saw "Dumb and Dumberer" the same weekend, and if you want offensive potty humor ...Plenty of actors give very good performances.Colin Ford and Chloe Grace Moretz are wonderful as the children with the largest roles.Gilbert Gottfried is as annoying as always, but his goose is one of the best things about the movie. At some point in the past I learned to accept his very brash style.Katey Sagal is wonderful as Jack's mom, so normal and loving, until she gets upset and then she's more like the outrageous townspeople.It is never explained why most of the people have British accents but Jack and his mother don't. Oh, well ...Daniel Roebuck is appropriately over-the-top as the town's mayor.There is a sepia-tone silent movie as Verri Saddus tells his story through flashbacks. There is music and narration, and eventually even sound from the past even though the style is still that of silent movies. James Earl Jones is his usual vicious villain. As with Darth Vader, he doesn't appear, but the giant in this version is no bigger than an NBA player.It's a worthy effort.

Absolutely loved this film, the classic story updated a little and with enough going on to keep the younger viewers occupied. For me, in my mid 50's this was a great re-telling of the original story. had a great time identifying the older actors (and voices). For those that give this film a bad review, put yourselves in the shoes of a 6 or 7 year old seeing and hearing the story for the first time and accept it for what it is, a fairy tale! I thought that the standard of acting, the production and all of the sets were superb, in particular the goose that laid the golden egg, Christoper Lloyd as the schoolmaster and Katey Sagal as Jack,s mother were particularly good performances

OK, so the first thing you would have noticed is that I did not give this movie a rating. This is because of the simple fact that there is not a rating that I could give low enough, that would even begin to represent how terrible this film is. It does not deserve to even be called a movie, and so for the remainder of this review, I will refer to it as an insult. Because that is what it is, I have never in my entire life, felt such an intense mixture of hatred, pity and embarrassment, like which I felt while watching this insult. Now I am not a professional movie critic, and to be honest I will probably never write another review on this site. But the fact that I actually felt compelled to go through the process of creating myself an IMDb account, just so I could write one for this, should be proof enough that I am telling the truth. This review might get negative comments or remarks, I may be called a fool, and it be said that I have no idea about what a good movie is, but at least I will have been heard. There was only one part in this insult, that gave me even the slightest amusement, though it came during a scene where I guess you were supposed to be feeling sad, when Jack found out that his father had died, and he breaks down into tears. But his acting, and I know he was a kid and it was his first production, but his face when he started crying was giving me the message that he was either constipated or was about to sneeze, and I actually laughed, in that strange feeling of anger and pity. But Colin Ford as Jack was not the only stand out role. There was the character of Grayson the goose, played by Gillbert Gottfried who's insistent and relentless reliance on lame pathetic jokes together with the most penetrating and aggravating voice create in my eyes, the most irritating and disgusting performance I have ever seen….EVER. I don't understand how people involved in productions such as this cannot see how absolutely terrible and pathetic their film is going to be before they make it. Everyone who had anything to do with this insult deserve to be captured and put down. How the director can live with himself after knowing how many lives he has ruined by creating this piece of sh** excuse for a movie, I don't know.The special effects were few and cheap, the giant and his minions were so poorly dubbed that I believe even a class of mentally disabled 2 year olds could have moved the mouths in better sync with the sound. The acting was disgusting, and the jokes……..the jokes were so incredibly, pathetically lame, that I actually felt that my intelligence was being frontally abused and insulted, whoever the writers were, whoever they were intending to entertain with their jokes, I can say only one thing……EPIC FAIL. It could be argued that its humour was aimed at young children, but i do enjoy good kids movies, and i can see how those movies would be funny to a child, but unfortunately, this is not the case. It will be a sad sad day when this is what is considered funny to children. If I had one wish in my lifetime, I would wish that this insult had never been spawned from the deepest darkest depths of hell, it is so bad, that it is in its self the cruelest act of torture. A creation of such evil, that it can bring out the worst in anyone, I believed myself a calm collected person, I used to pride myself on my tolerance and ability to not get angry. But once I copped this insult, I was filled with such an intense and unsatisfiable rage, that I felt I had to write this review and let it out. And I am hoping that by doing so, I can save you my friends from ever having to experience what I have. I have never in my entire life, felt such an unreal and pure hatred towards anything I have seen, read or heard. I would honestly prefer to sit through an entire Justin Bieber concert (that's right I said it) than see this again. I will not ever ever ever ever ever……..EVER, watch this again. Do yourself a favor my friends, heed my warning don't put yourself through it.

It was beginning to look like a good story. Then the cheesiness came into play. A bit over acted and silly. Again, maybe the very young kids will like this adaptation. I soon lost interest and wished Gilbert Gottfried (the goose) would just shut up already.The creation of Jack and the Beanstalk, I believe, was hurried and not too much focus on creation. I mean, the giant was not even a giant, more like a big puppet, etc.Most likely you will take the kids along to a theater to see and hope they will enjoy just the silliness of it all and not my luck of seeing a screener as an adult and no kids along while expecting a totally different style of movie. A More serious adaptation maybe? I think Disney would have done a better job.My forecast for reviews of Jack and the Beanstalk will be, in grade level, user's (C) and critics (C). Or a 5 rating in IMDb.