Touches You

So much average

After playing with our expectations, this turns out to be a very different sort of film.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

After hearing about this Neo-Noir for a number of years,I was pleased to get hold of a rare UK Pre-Cert Video of the title.Once the Video arrived,I decided to search around for info about the movie,and I was disappointed to discover that 5 minutes had been cut from the UK release of the film.With recently having picked up auteur film maker Larry Cohen's gritty Blaxploitation flick Black Caesar,I decided to search around for more title which he has been involved in.Along with discovering that Cohen had written the screenplay,I was thrilled to discover that Fox Archives has recently put out an uncut version of the film,which led to me getting ready to finally judge the film.The plot:Working for years with fellow cop Jack Williams,Mike Hammer is horrified to find that Williams has been brutally killed.Wanting to go after Williams killer,Hammer is surprised to find his fellow officers giving him "warnings" about looking into things that are best left hidden. Delving into Williams personal life,Hammer discovers that he and his wife went to an upmarket "sex clinic." Visiting the clinic,Hammer confronts sex therapist Dr. Charlotte Bennett and her "assistants",who he discovers have been recording all of their discussions/sessions with clients.As Hammer pushes the police aside to fully uncover the strange sexual world that may have led to Williams death,a killer,(backed by people who want to keep Williams private life private)declares himself the judge,jury & executioner for Bennett's assistants and Mike Hammer. View on the film:Before I get to the film,I have to mention that Fox Archives has delivered a terrific improvement on the rusty UK Video print of the movie,with the widescreen picture being sharp and catching every dirty street corner of the title,and the clear audio allowing the viewer to hear Bill Conti's synch-Jazz score shake with every gunshot. Originally hired to direct until he got sacked due to going $100,000 over budget in the first week of filming,the screenplay by Larry Cohen places this adaptation of Mickey Spillane at the cross roads between the sun-set Neo-Noir and the steamy Erotic Thriller.Sending Hammer off to follow in the footsteps of his former partner,Cohen hammers Hammer into a decaying Neo-Noir world which is kept hidden by an alluring shell,which contains sex therapists secretly recording their clients deepest desires,and cops trying to put all their dirty money links onto a serial killer.Made before the sub- genre would hit the mainstream,Cohen ties the Neo-Noir with a wonderfully deranged Erotic Thriller edge,as a sadistic killer with "mummy issues" makes his victims look like mannequins,whilst Hammer uncovers the "sex therapy" to be a fashion house-style mansion,packed with alluring,but deadly femme fatales.Rushed into the movie after Cohen was given the boot,director Richard T. Heffron & cinematographer Andrew Laszlo (who also worked on the first Rambo movie in the same year) give the film a stylish,rough and tumble Neo-Noir appearance.Filmed on location,Heffron and Laszlo,scan the burnt-out streets with excellent whip-pans and tracking shots which inject the title with a menacing atmosphere,as Hammer and the mysterious killer close in on each other.Picking up on the genre-crossing mood of Cohen's screenplay,Heffron brilliantly mixes Hammer's gritty Neo-Noir beat with ravishing naked girls and a psycho sexual killer.Before closing the case on a brittle Noir note,Heffron slams Hammer into '80s Action,thanks to Hammer having to take control of the law by taking on the gangs of dirty cops,which leads to the dark underbelly of the city being ripped across the screen,as Mike Hammer declares himself the jury.

Oh the 70s was a great time for crime features… although "I, the Jury" was made in the early eighties it had me thinking it was from the 70s like some sort leftovers that found itself in the wrong decade. And hey that's not a bad thing at all. Originally it looked like it was cult-filmmaker Larry Cohen's project, as he penned the screenplay and was to direct to only be replaced by Richard T. Heffron (Futureworld). This is another adaptation of novelist's Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer character. Private detective Mike Hammer looks into the case to seek revenge when he learns of the killing of his one-armed ex-army buddy. What he digs up about his mate's death, is something quite big."I, the Jury" is a tough as nails, lean and steamy pulp crime / film noir feature that's sexually charged (an opened orgy sequence) and brutally violent (a ghastly slit throat) amongst a rather seedy backdrop. Filling in the role as the iconic Mike Hammer is a fittingly hardboiled, but wry Armand Assante. Surrounding him is a bunch of attractive, but formidable ladies in the shape of Barbara Carrera and Laurene Landon. Also you got the likes of Paul Sorvino, Alan King, Geoffrey Lewis and Barry Snider pitching in with good performances. Cohen's story remains exhaustively captivating; by always being on the move in what is a complicated web of conspiracies and leads. The dialogues are bold. Sometimes contrived in its actions, but it does open up a can of worms. Heffron's steadfast direction is economically staged with moments of thrilling engagements and brooding passages that he's not afraid to bare flesh, but at times it felt like I was watching a long-winded TV episode. Bill Conti composes a titillatingly smoking blues score, which installs a whirlwind of emotion.

The other women were all basically bimbos who ended up nude at some point ................................................................. The main reason I watched the movie was to see Julia Barr. Unfortunately, she lost her head after only a few minutes and was not on until midway through the movie but it was cool to see one of the best actresses around today in an early role .................................................................. It was also cool seeing NYC in the early 80's before certain parts of the city were cleaned up. Some nostalgic items - The World Trade Center was of course still standing, the old yellow cabs were still used, Times Square was still raunchy. ................................. Paul Sorvino and Alan King added a bit of authenticity to the movie as New Yorkers....

This so-so detective yarn feels more like a TV movie than the noir-ish piece of cinema you might expect from a Spillane novel. But it has a few moments.What makes this movie worth watching is the smoking Nicaraguan beauty Barbara Carrera. She has a fully-nude love scene that steals the show. If you're a Barbara Carrera fan, you should rent this movie and fast-forward to that scene (a little over 1 hour into the movie). You won't be disappointed.