Who payed the critics

A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

It's a movie as timely as it is provocative and amazingly, for much of its running time, it is weirdly funny.

Admittedly, the English-dubbed version I watched may not have done the film justice, but "Gamera vs. Zigra" is pretty awful, even by bargain-basement kaiju-eiga standards. Briefly, an alien spaceship attacks a moonbase, then plunges into the ocean near Japan, from where Zigra kidnaps two kids and their fathers. There is a lengthy expositional scene where an alien space-babe (with '"super-celestial powers"), who seems to be channeling some kind of giant space-shark, explains Zigra's backstory, informs us that resistance is futile, and demonstrates diverse abilities such as causing earthquakes and hypnotising subjects with a snap of her finger. Typical of the Showa-era Gamera series, grownups are ineffectual, but the children manage to rescue their stupefied fathers and escape. Gamera attacks the submerged spaceship, which inexplicably changes into a monster resembling a gigantic, robotic 'goblin shark'. Various adventures and battles follow, with the two children always in the thick of things. As usual, Earth's puny weapons are proven useless and only Gamera, the children's friend, can save us. At times, the film (or at least the dubbed dialogue) makes no sense: explaining Zigra's origins, the space-babe states "We on Zigra planet, we used to live in the sea but your Earth science polluted the water and we could no longer live there", this despite the fact that Zigra is 400 light-years from Earth. The special effects are low-budget and not very effective, with most of the monster action underwater or on a beach. The Gamera suit looks as unconvincing as ever and the silly Zigra costume is on par with most of Gamera's goofy kaiju foes (Gyaos being an exception). In keeping with the drift toward 'environmental values' in the genre ('Godzilla vs the Smog Monster' was released the same year), the film has lots of preachy moments about valuing the oceans, etc., yet opens with what is essentially a plug for "Sea World". There are also several references to Coke, the tiresome little girl's libation of choice. For a kaiju film, there is not a lot of 'action' and far too much time is spent on the space-babe's pursuit of the annoying children, descriptions of carnage and destruction that we don't get to see, and Zigra's continual gloating about his superiority, our dismal fate, etc. His comeuppance for this verbose posturing is to have his dorsal fins played like a xylophone by the triumphant turtle, who then breaks into dance (even sillier than Godzilla's infamous victory jig in 1964's 'Invasion of Astro-Monster'). Incongruously, after this lighthearted song-and-dance moment, Zigra is incinerated while still alive. The Gamera formula was getting pretty tired by 1971 and, perhaps fortunately, this was the last of the original Showa-era films. Other than 'starring' in 1980's dire "Gamera Super Monster" a compilation of fight scenes frame-worked by a ridiculous (and possibly imaginary) story involving 'space women', the giant, jet-powered, flying turtle hibernates until 1995's excellent "Gamera: Guardian of the Universe". One bonus: the score includes the 'Gamera Song', this time with lyrics and sung by a children's choir. If this memorably cheerful ditty doesn't lay an egg in your inner ear, nothing will.

There is no doubt, here. This final entry in the early Gamera series is dreadfully painful to watch, for any age (oh, maybe a two-year old would like it). This sick joke of a movie has laughable effects (was that done on purpose?), indescribably stupid dialog, atrocious dubbing, children you want to see lose their voices and/or disappear (annoying just doesn't cut it), a done-to-death plot, and maybe some other insults to intelligence I haven't listed here. Sure, it's a kiddies' movie, but WTF? At least add SOMETHING new or watchable (other than the ridiculous villain monster), film-makers. To call it fun or entertaining really strains these words' definitions. Egad, when Gamera does that dance... Even MST3K's riffing couldn't make this cinematic dreck funny or interesting, and THAT says it all, folks! Check out the late-nineties trilogy of Gamera films, instead. Now THOSE rock the house!!

Space aliens arrive on Earth with their giant shark Zigra. Of course, they plan on conquering our planet, so it's up to giant flying fire-breathing turtle Gamera to once again save the day. Director Noriaka Yuasa and writer Nisan Takahashi treat the story with admirable sincerity and toss in a valid and relevant anti-pollution message amid all the expected carnage. The cast likewise play their parts with praiseworthy conviction. The big climactic monster mash between Gamera and Zigra is staged with a reasonable amount of flair and hits the stirring spot, with the definite wacky highlight occurring when Gamera plays Zigra's back like a xylophone. The lovably rinky dink (far from) special effects -- rubbery monster suits, Tonka Toy miniatures -- possess a certain tacky charm. As a nice added bonus, we also get a hot mysterious Asian hitchhiker babe in a bikini. Plus you just gotta love the insanely catchy'n'groovy Gamera theme song! Both Akira Uehara's expansive widescreen cinematography and Shunsuke Kikuchi's robust score are up to par. A fun creature feature.

My Take: Toho could make art compared to this. The giant rubber monster movies, or Kaiju as they called it in Japan, has been on the spotlight for many a year. From the fame of "Gojira" or "Godzilla: King of the Monsters", the same studio tried to top themselves with creating more and more of this monstrosities battling each other. "Godzilla", the most famous of these, also spawned rip-offs (They happen here to you know). One of these was Gamera. from the original "Gammera the Invincible", this also spawned sequels, which features our giant rubber terrapin pits fire against other giant monsters, and always impresses the kiddies, who look up to Gamera as their hero. While the other Gamera films maybe are entertaining (haven't seen them yet), "Gamera vs. Zigra", the last in the series is what I'd include in the category "Bottom-of-the-barrel". LAughable rubber monster movie. They would have learned from the start that this was silly. But no, they made it anyway.The plot is mainly the basis of hundred previous Kaiju films. Alien entities try to take over the world. Led by Zigra, an alien lord resembling the Goblin shark, which can be found commonly near Japanese waters, the alien enemy (well, only one) cause massive earthquakes to prove their powers. Then the kids point at the skies as their hero approaches. Is it Superman? No, it's Gamera!!! Yes Gamera to the rescue once again. And Gamera does more than fight Zigra, he does many other silly things like breath fire...underwater(?!)and so much more. If you think that would be silly, wait 'till you see it.This is admittedly one of the silliest movies I've seen in a while (although I have a hunch saying I'll be seeing more of this silliness with these rubber monster Kaiju), but some movies have reached a certain amount of ineptness, being Ed Wood's "Plan 9 from Outer Space" as a good example, that they can be entertaining, mostly for preposterous reasons. Camp buffs can rest their eyes on preposterous situations like fire-breathing underwater, an alien woman walking about wearing only a bathing suit as a disguise, silly dialog and, well, so much more than you can possibly laugh at, unintentionally.Although this was indeed silly, at least it didn't bore me, I mean, with all the silliness going on. I give the film, at least, a *, for being completely hilarious on the parts that it shouldn't.Rating: * out of 5.