That was an excellent one.

Absolutely the worst movie.

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

A trio of suspended federal agents -- Chris Cannon (likable Bruce Penhall), his childhood pal Mark Austin (the equally engaging Mark Barriere), and spunky Becky Midnite (a winningly perky portrayal by the adorable Suzi Simpson) -- search for a hidden gold treasure while vacationing in the woods. Meanwhile, evil drug lord Santiago (a pleasingly slimy turn by Rodrogo Obregon) hires lethal assassin Jewel Panther (deliciously overplayed with snarly brio by Amazonian stunner Julie Strain) to kill the agents so he can have the gold for himself. Andy's son Christian Drew Sidaris takes over as director here and proves to be a real chip off the ol' breezy'n'cheesy B-flick block: There's abundant yummy female nudity, an amusing sense of cheeky humor, scorching soft-core sex scenes, big splashy explosions, a constant snappy pace, and competently staged action set pieces. Alan Abelew contributes a perfectly smarmy performance as slimy corrupt fed Dickson while dishy blonde Tanquil Lisa Collins adds extra spice as foxy superior Ava Noble. As a tasty added plus, the insanely leggy and sexy Ms. Strain does a wild topless dance in front of a roaring campfire just because she can and there's a regrettably brief, but still enjoyable catfight between Strain and Simpson. Mark Morris' slick cinematography gives this picture a neat glossy look (the occasional sweeping helicopter shots are especially impressive). Ron Di Iulio's cool rocking score delivers the get-down jamming goods. A fun flick.

This is the 9th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order. For the first time, he only produced the movie, but left the director's job to his son Drew, who had regularly been director's assistant before. Renting a video cassette of „Enemy Gold" was my start into the world of „bullets, bombs and babes" many years ago and it still is a pleasure to revisit! The story is simple: Three agents discover a bunch of drug smugglers, kill a few and put the rest in jail. The big boss is not amused and sends a killer to eliminate the agents. The interesting twist is that the agents are treasure hunting on their „day off": they find a map that leads to lost gold from the civil war. The historical flashbacks make the movie a bit more interesting, because the rest is quite predictable. Fortunately, we have familiar faces with Mark Barriere and Bruce Penhall who play the good guys, plus Julie Strain as Jewel Panther (sic!), the killer. Debutante Suzi Simpson plays an agent by the equally unlikely name of Becky Midnite, and Suzi follows the footsteps of Dona Speir quite well for a first try. Remember, Dona appeared in no less than 7 of Sidaris' movies before and seemed impossible to replace! Alan Abelew deserves mentioning; he plays Dickson, a man you love to hate. If you ever worked for a boss like that, you know what I mean. „Enemy Gold" has a simple instrumental rock guitar soundtrack, a bit different from the style of most predecessors. Don't miss the documentary „Let's make a Sidaris movie" (bonus on the American DVD), because it explains how the members of the whole family worked together to make a movie - not an ordinary film team.

"Enemy Gold" marks a turning point in Andy Sidaris' filmography: his son Christian is sitting in the director's chair, and Dona Speir, Roberta Vasquez and Cynthia Brimhall are gone. The female lead this time is Suzi Simpson, and she is quite a find (I wonder why Sidaris didn't use her again): she has a great body (no matter what angle you look at it from), combined with a sweet, innocent face and a cute smile; she is appealing in the same way that Hope Marie Carlton was, plus she fights a bit more than other Sidaris heroines. Tai Collins, as a higher-in-command agent, is another total knockout, and Julie Strain, as an assassin-for-hire, is like a mythological Amazon come to life. Looking at this woman is much better than listening to her - her delivery turns her character into camp. The pacing of the movie lags in the second half, and when it's all over you have the feeling (as with other Sidaris movies) that it could have been much better. But what is there on the screen is still enjoyable - some of the lines are funny and all of the women are sexy. (**1/2)

You know, it takes a big man to do a good job at a hard task. But it takes an even bigger man to admit he what he cannot do, and then strive to do what he does best. That is Andy Sidaris in a nutshell. True, while he'll never be the next Steven Speilberg, he is truly a master at the task which is presented to him: B-movies. I have only seen three of his films and can tell this already. Enemy Gold is one of them. This film is a slap in the face to those who say that the exploitation of Sex, violence, and rock-&-roll are wrong, and then rubs the slap down with a little ice. What I'm trying to say is, that this movie, while not entirely wholesome, is still a good movie, no matter how you slice it. The enormous juggs are just a way of keeping peoples attention.