Critics,are you kidding us

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

Asked to look into her brother's disappearance, a private eye tracks him to a secret whorehouse hidden underneath a funeral home which houses a vampire coven run by a vicious vampire queen and together they team up to stop them from taking over the town.There's quite a lot to really like with this one. One of the film's better points here is the rather light-hearted and silly tone present here which gives this one quite the fun and enjoyable setup. It's a lot of fun to watch as a goofy, entertaining effort featuring the idea of the funeral home working in conjunction with the sanctity of the church, which isn't that original but it still works here in giving this one the kind of ironic and goofy set-up required for one of these efforts. Going alongside this is the manner of this one featuring the outside relics that are featured here, from the ancient talisman that controls her to the use of the protective applications to allow them to walk around in the daylight without injury and the manner of how they go ahead recruiting victims to their hideout which all makes the storyline incredibly fun and adds some nice sleaze to the proceedings. From the concept of the bordello offering plenty of fun here with the topless workers parading around for the unwary victims, the several attempts to engage in tortuous sexual acts using the different devices to hold them in order to feed and the numerous scenes involving them around the strippers or topless clientele gives this one quite a strong sleaze quotient which has a lot to like overall. That also likes the fact that the fun vampire antics here are rather fun, with the initial attacks on the patrons inside the brothel, the initial scene of the detective working through the investigation which gives this a solid and workable middle half that keeps this moving as well as some enjoyable vampire action in the finale as there's the fun of the massacre of the club workers, the different brawls in their underground hideouts and the final assault at the TV station has a lot of great moments with the vampire in control and the main resolution to stop them. Alongside the nice comedy and rather fun gore, there's a lot to like here to hold it up over the minor flaws featured. The main issue to be found here is the fact that there are way too many scenes that go on way too long to really let the jokes fizzle out before they have a chance to land. The opening in the tomb is quite overlong and lets the joke of his stature compared to the men go on way too long before she finally awakes, and the continuous jokes about the girl being in the stripclubs in the area makes for a one-note joke that takes up a whole scene of her interviewing the vampire and it just leaves this with overlong scenes that hold up the running time somewhat. Likewise, the amount of goofy cheese featured here might be too much for some to take because of this, and they really are what holds it back.Rated R: Nudity, Graphic Violence, Extreme Graphic Language, fetish sexual acts and mild drug use.

Okay second Tales from the Crypt film seemed most interesting to me because it was based on a script by the writing team behind "Back to the Future," "Used Cars," and "I Wanna Hold Your Hand." Unfortunately, this film isn't anywhere a clever or funny as those film, but in defense of Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis, this film was written by then in the 70s and was vastly rewritten by others, with Gale and Zemeckis only received story credit. I remember watching a behind the scene documentary on this film that interviewed the great John Milius who told a story about the two pitching the script to him and Milius telling them it was the most socially irresponsible script he'd ever read. The story in this Crypt story involves private investigator Dennis Miller hired by Erika Eleniak to do a missing persons case that leads to a nest of vampires in the titular bordello, led by supermodel Angie Everhart. Although this film had a theatrical release, it definitely feel more like a direct-to-video quality of horror film. The tip off to that should have been when you notice Corey Feldman is one of the top billed "stars" of the film.

The dwarf Vincent Prather (Phil Fondacaro) leads an expedition to the Tierra del Fuego following an ancient map. He arrives at a cave where there is a coffin instead of a treasure. He opens a box with four pieces of a heart and revives the mother of all vampires Lilith (Angie Everhart) that kills his employees. Vincent uses a key artifact with blood to control and protect himself from Lilith.The punk Caleb Verdoux (Corey Feldman) has an argument with his sister Katherine Verdoux (Erika Eleniak ) and leaves their house to go to a bar to meet a friend. They learn that there is an amazing brothel at 325 Beaumont, a funeral home where they should ask for the Cunningham Wake. They are received by the mortician McCutcheon (Aubrey Morris) and soon they go to the brothel. However Lilith runs the place and the girls are vampires. Caleb's friend is killed by Lilith that that rips his heart out of his chest and then Caleb is attacked by her.Katherine goes to the precinct to report that her brother is missing but the police officer does not give much attention to her. The private investigator Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) overhears her conversation and offers his services to Katherine. The snoopy Rafe tracks Caleb's path and he discovers that the brothel seems to be a lair of vampires. But Katherine, who works with Reverend Current (Chris Sarandon) that has a business connection with Lilith, does not believe in his word. Now Rafe is seeking evidences to prove to Katherine that he is telling the truth. "Bordello of Blood" is an underrated gore comedy of vampires. The plot is funny, with beautiful and hot female vampires, and also with a great unexpected conclusion. The comedy is a funny parody of horror and crime genres with the sexy Angie Everhart and Erika Eleniak. But Dennis Miller steals the movie in the role of a sleazy but efficient private eye. Lilith's tongue reaching the heart of her victims is hilarious; however the funniest scene is when Rafe teams up with Reverend Current and they use squirt guns with holy water to defeat the female vampires, exploding them. When the viewer expects a happy ending, with the good guy and the good girl together, there is an unforeseen conclusion. My vote is seven.Title (Brazil): "O Bordel de Sangue" ("The Brothel of Blood")

Another tongue in cheek blood 'n' guts rampage this time including lots of tits 'n' ass too...so its pretty darn good then. An unoriginal vampire tale this time, set in a brothel with lots of ladies eating biker types much like 'From Dusk Till Dawn' or 'Vamp' but nowhere near as good.Plot is pretty standard but like the previous Crypt flick is does have a wonderful array of makeup and prosthetic effects all over the show with blood squirting and fangs flying, nothing you haven't seen before but it looks good. Casting is drab but does include 80's horror comedy star Sarandon and 80's teen star Feldman both of which raise the film slightly, Angie Everhart looks delicious as 'Lilith'.You know what your gonna get with this franchise so your either gonna love it or hate it. Personally I view these films as a great opportunity to see fantastic examples of hands-on horror makeup effects, normally without much CGI, plus they are always good fun on a no-brainer level.6/10