To me, this movie is perfection.

Load of rubbish!!

Dreadfully Boring

a film so unique, intoxicating and bizarre that it not only demands another viewing, but is also forgivable as a satirical comedy where the jokes eventually take the back seat.

Willy Warlock is back *Huzzah* and he's been recast AGAIN!This time he's facing off with a coven of witches who like ripping peoples hearts out and satan and occult and.....yeah, same as usual basically.With the usual brand of sex, terrible sfx and a bafflingly poor story the Witchcraft franchise returns for its 13th addition to the franchise. By now you'd think they'd have had at least one watchable film, if only by accident! Alas they haven't.As amazing as this sounds all things considered, this is a contender for the worst one yet. The plot was even more jumbled than usual and all these different actors playing the same character is just making my head spin.Watch at your own peril.The Good:NopeThe Bad:Weirdly darkPoor sound qualityLaughable sfxPoorest plot yetThings I Learnt From This Movie:Lucky no.13 doesn't apply here

Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen (2008) * (out of 4) After a six year hiatus, the WITCHCRAFT series is back with its (so far) final entry. Will Spanner (Tim Wrobel) is back and this time he's once again investigating the death of a friend, which once again has him tangling with evil forces. Ahh, the thirteenth entry into this series is quite a strange one for a few reasons. You can tell that the screenwriters wanted this series to return to the fans and they even offered up various things connecting to previous entries. As you might remember, there was a character who started off a man but switched to a woman and this here is explained. We even have returning characters going as far back as the second film and there are even other moments where plot points from previous movies are mentioned. I certainly applaud the screenwriters for attempting to give fans some sort of connection but sadly it's all wasted because this film is downright hard to watch. I say that because technically speaking this film is just a disaster as nearly every scene is so dark that you can't make out what's going on. The audio quality is also extremely low, which at times makes the dialogue hard to understand. It's strange that the technical quality would be so bad here and it really hampers the sex scenes, which is usually the drawing point for this series. These scenes are so dark that quite often you can't see any of the actual nudity! The performances are pretty much what you'd expect from the series but I will say they aren't the worst. The special effects are basically limited to the killers ripping the heart's from the victim's chest but none of them are all that believable. WITCHCRAFT 13 is certainly just going to be for fans of the series but it's doubtful many of those will make it all the way through.

It's still a turd.This movie can not be compared to anything Mr. Von Trier has done. Mel House is not a brilliant filmmaker that hits every beat with a press of a button on the camera.The story surrounding Witchcraft 13 is completely uninteresting and boring. Some witches are killing some pointless guys to try to find/get to Will Spanner because he is important in some way. That's all there is to the story. And the twist at the end is just plain stupid. The movie is so bad no one cares that they are brother and sister, to be honest, the movie should have been about him finding out that and then struggling to be with her or not.This is another movie that incorporates unnecessary characters. The two detectives can be taken out and the movie would still be just as bad. And the witches could have been cut down to two at max.The acting is well below bad. Poorly delivered lines and unbelievable performances (in the bad way, not good) are a huge distraction and provide more laughable moments rather than serious intense moments. Even the sex scene was a one camera set up that makes a porno look like Citizen Kane.The special effects in the movie are awful too. The lightning bolts and fire balls look like they came from an early 90's fighting show.All in all, this is one of those flicks that you sit back on wonder, "why did someone make this movie?"

Like a low-fi horror version of Lar's Von Trier's "The Five Obstructions", director Mel House and his game cast manage to shine the large turd that is the long-running Witchcraft series to a golden gleam, while staying within the narrow confines of the tropes set forth by previous entries.While the script stays bogged down in the deep wagon-ruts of its predecessors (boobs, blood, and a pentagram or two for good measure), the energy shown in the visuals and performances (some obviously created in the editing room) raise it above standard direct-to-DVD grand guginol fare.Cast standouts include Tim Wrobel as warlock with a heart of gold and libido of indiscriminate taste, Will Spanner and Zoe Hunter as the "witch who keeps her clothes on". Wrobel manages to get across Spanner's world-weariness even as he beds every witch in sight while Zoe displays deft comedic skill in a brief sequence where she receives "help" from a good Samaritan on a lonely Texas road. I suppose that Roxy Vandiver's athletic performance in one of the most methodical and varied sex scenes ever filmed deserves some mention, though it is hard to watch without hearing the less-than-subtle sound of jackhammers in the back of your mind.Moving into the director's chair after handling DP duties on the Wolinski brother's previous effort, Mel House shows a flair for interesting camera work and a sense of pacing critical to genre films. Though sometimes falling short of the mark, his use of effects, both digital and practical, greatly enhance the look and feel of the picture. If he overreaches on occasion, it's only because his vision outpaces his budget (and sometimes his actors).I've heard that his next project will be a completely original film and I'm looking forward to seeing what he'll do with a bigger budget and a greater degree of control.A nice film to watch while devouring the heart of your loved one.