Waste of time

Highly Overrated But Still Good

From my favorite movies..

This is a tender, generous movie that likes its characters and presents them as real people, full of flaws and strengths.

Die Fremde, or When we Leave is a whole lot of western stereotyping of immigrants living in Europe. In this case, a married Turkish young woman with her son separates from her husband who beats and rapes her frequently. This brings to her life a whole lot of other problems, with her family and specially with her father (and mother), who greatly opposes to what he sees as wrong in a traditional society that treats women as a possession of men. It starts with the scenes of beating an raping that will be the main issues during the film, it follows with her struggle to start her own life under the opposition of her family, her father and the older brother being taking the leading roles in subjugating her.I really wouldn't recommend this film for its mostly eurocentric views of immigrants living in Europe.

This film is very realistic. Its detailed depiction of one Turkish family living in Berlin casts overtones for a greater problem of European multiculturalism. But forget the wider scope of those implications for now. The film is very focused on Turkish culture within Germany and one of its great weaknesses: what it considers to be saving the "honor" of the family. The older daughter in the film has left her violent and abusive husband in Turkey and moved back to her family in Germany. Her parents immediately side with her husband, and they repeatedly ask the daughter to return to him. But the daughter has sacrificed much to get away, and will not return. After an attempt to kidnap her son and return him to the father fails, she moves out...and moves again...and moves again as problems mount. Her younger brother and sister, although initially supportive of her, slowly begin to turn against her as the shame of her living independently with child causes the Turkish community to isolate the family. This ultimately leads to a final decision by the men in the family, with tragic results. The family is Muslim, although Islam is not portrayed as the reason why the family is shamed by the older daughter. In the culture, it is easy for an independent woman to bring shame to the family, especially if she leaves her husband. At no time do the parents ever seriously consider the perspective of their daughter. It is quite clear, she has to maintain the family honor at all costs; which in this case means returning to her husband. As the daughter continues to make unwise choices by maintaining contact with her family because she loves them, the unwritten codes of this "honor" system will drive the family into greater acts of cruelty. This film can make you very angry indeed at the injustice to women done by patriarch based communal cultures. The "honor" that they cling to is so twisted. It is based on a superficial sense of righteousness that has little basis in truth. It is more concerned with appearances than justice. More concerned with blind obedience than righteousness. And that concept is promoted in Islam, though not exclusively. This film should be mandatory viewing for any woman in similar straits as the main character in the film who has needed to separate from the family for safety. The Germans have provided good resources for such women, but they are advised, "For now, avoid contact with your family." One of this beautifully done film's main points is: Once you leave or are forced to leave the family, it may be for good. You cannot expect your family to sympathize with you, support you, or even accept you as family. There is a good chance they WILL turn against you if the community slanders the family. And a woman who leaves her abusive husband, lives alone, calls the police for safety, or takes any action to safeguard her life and livelihood may very well be thought of as nothing more than a "whore" by the rest of the German Turkish community. Contact your family again at risk to your life! I would wish that Turkish men (those who are perpetrators, that is) who see this would also feel ashamed for some of their sexist standards, but I don't know if they would...The film is very moving and well done. The actors all fulfill their roles, particularly the leading lady. The eye communication of the cast is extremely profound, leaving you wondering about all of the unspoken thoughts stewing in their heads. The writing allows sympathy with all of the characters while still clearly pointing out who is right and who is wrong. You see they all have deep passions about righteousness. It's just that some are righteous and others are not. It is a simple story that casts deep shadows on complexities of cultural clashes. This is not a film that will break grounds in cinematography, but it is a brave film and urgent as the Muslim (both immigrant and native) population rises in Europe. Hopefully this will start a trend that will cause the Turkish culture to think about what true honoring of the family really is.

Die Fremde (2010) was shown in the U.S. with the title "When We Leave." The film is written and directed by Feo Aladag, a German woman who is very familiar with the culture of Turkish families living in Germany.Umay, played with outstanding skill by Sibel Kekilli, is a young woman who grew up in Germany, but who lives with her husband and his family in Turkey. Umay lives within the strictly patriarchal traditional society of Turkey, which includes--in her case--being beaten by her husband. She takes her young son with her and escapes to Germany, where her family lives.The remainder of the movie concerns Umay's attempt to reintegrate herself into her family, and into mainstream German culture. Although she is treated well by the Germans with whom she has contact, she is barely tolerated--at best--by her family.When Umay learns that her brother is planning to kidnap her son and send him back to Turkey, she leaves again, and goes to what appears to be a shelter for battered women.Although she is treated well at the shelter, she cannot bear to cut herself off from her family. She keeps returning, and keeps being rejected, sometimes psychologically, sometimes physically. She keeps hoping that their (real) love for her will overcome the humiliation they feel because her behavior is considered shameful.The acting in this film is outstanding, and there are no weak links. However, I have to single out the young boy--Cem--played by Nizam Schiller. He is uncannily believable as a child who can't understand why he must move, and then move again, and yet again.We saw this film at the excellent Little Theatre in Rochester, NY. However, it will do well on DVD. Incidentally, the original title "Die Fremde," means "strangers" or "foreigners." This title is more accurate than the U.S. title, because Umay and Cem are foreigners wherever they go.This film is relatively long, and very grim. There is one scene of high spirits as Umay and a young German man ride through Berlin on a motorbike, but it doesn't ring true. All the rest is grim, grimmer, and, ultimately, grimmest.I'm not going to reveal the ending. The reason I labeled this review as a spoiler--a first for me--is that potential viewers should know that this is a great film, but it is extremely depressing. You can't walk out of the theater, or get to the end of the DVD, and just move on. So it's a "must-see" film, but only if you can handle the emotional consequences.

After seeing this film, I assumed it was directed by a Turkish director named Feo Aladag. When I googled this name, a picture of a young blond woman filled the screen. As it turned out, Feo Aladag is an Austrian actress/director, married to Turkish/German author Zuli Aladag, who is also the producer of Die Fremde. I mention this because I think it is important. In this film, the Turkish community in Germany is not pictured in a very favourable way. The story shows the fate of Umay, a young Turkish/German woman who wants a divorce because her husband beats her and because, perhaps more importantly, she doesn't love him. She leaves her husband and moves with her young son to her family in Berlin. Surprisingly, her father and brother take sides with her husband and urge her to return to him. In their view, she has dishonoured her husband and her own family by separating her son from his father. This conflict escalates in a dramatic way, with terrible consequences. The film pictures Umay as a woman who is denied her 'Western' rights as a woman and a mother, and shows her family as driven by 'non-Western' values like honour and tradition. For them, the community is superior over the individual. For her, it's the other way round. The message is pessimistic. Umay is a Turkish woman who adopts the German lifestyle. She wants to live her own life. She follows the integration model that the Turkish people in Western Europe are supposed to follow. But her brother and sister don't support her, although they are born and raised in Germany. They speak the German language, but think the Turkish way. Like some of the films of Faith Akin (in which lead actress Sibel Kekilli also starred) this film focuses on the problems of the Turkish community in Germany. But it has a darker and more pessimistic tone. It's a very powerful movie, dealing with a very urgent issue.