What a waste of my time!!!

A Brilliant Conflict

Entertaining from beginning to end, it maintains the spirit of the franchise while establishing it's own seal with a fun cast

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

Little town full of little people...waking up to say...... Oh Lifetime...here we go. So small family moves to rural English countryside, even though we're supposed to think the family is American their accents occasionally slip through on certain vowels and consonants (Car-In, instead of Karen for example). The parents seem to do....something for a living...possibly science-y or educational it's a little unclear (but dad sure wants a blackboard, so he can do long equations and such). Of course the eldest daughter (being a teenager and all....oh those wacky moody teenagers...am I right?) is unhappy at....everything. They meat with a realtor to rent their summer home (I've never yet met anyone who doesn't want a year's lease signed) who seems a bit squirrelly with not wanting to volunteer certain information about THE HAUNTED HOUSE....next to THE HAUNTED WOODS!!! (Stop it, you're scaring me....Stop scaring your sister!). They go to the 700 year old house (that doesn't seem more than 100 tops...that's some good work it's had done). They meet the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons...wait it's just Angelica Houston...who tells them they aren't welcome, but the realtor tells her she has no choice.....um why is that again? Did she fall behind on her taxes? The younger sister takes a moment to....exist...really that's about all she does. (Stop it, you're scaring me). Mystery and "suspense" occur. Girl meets local town boy (good lordy he's built....jailbait jailbait!! Lol) who claims she is "unlike any other girl he's met"....well yeah, that's because she seems to be literally the only girl in town. They try to unravel the mystery of the house/crazy cat lady/woods/the black plague (stop it, you're scaring me) using ye old timey technology (green is not a good color to be reading text against, you're really gonna strain the hell out of your eyes like that). Some stuff happens at the house a mirror cracked "from side to side" (they were so tempted to quote Tennyson you could cut it with a knife) which the older gets blamed for (apparently she can destroy objects with her mind) and gets yelled at for scaring her sister (stop it, you're scaring me). The parents seem just about ready to blame every action of the universe on their daughter's willpower. The youngest one starts speaking in tongues (stop it, you're scaring me) well the oldest one must have caused it....so she can bend objects to her will, force people to speak in tongues (or backwards if you prefer), break your compact in your hand from across the room....and this is the person you decide to yell at.....better play nice she's about one step away from killing everyone at the prom! But the mystery abounds. Turns out years back there was a doctor, a plague, and a midget and they all walked into a bar.....sorry. The doctor was killed, and now his ghost haunts the woods, and apparently he made a tree eat a little girl because she was wearing his clothes and singing a nursery rhyme (good thing it wasn't Little Miss Muppet, he might of conjured up Shelob mother of all spiders) and I can't say it was all that smart to be putting on clothes that were worn by a man that had the plague (ick). Crazy cat lady tries to make a deal with the ghost to trade the younger sister for her long lost daughter...and immediately regrets it, so instead packs up her stuff and decides to move to an old folks home. But oldest girl has figured out a plan, re-enact the forest scene to make the ghost take her too. The tree eats her (her family conveniently miss this little demonstration of the supernatural) and finds the lost girl who hasn't aged a day (good luck catching up on 30 years of technology...then again your town hasn't managed that feat either apparently) she tries to save her but to no avail. Beefcake boyfriend figures out what the hell a "peeling" is and goes to ring the church bells at midnight (man that is some bright as hell midnight....I don't think midnight is that bright at the arctic circle...did the moon go supernova?! So once again the day is saved....thanks to...a thesaurus. They all walk away....problem solved.....except that mom sold all their stuff, and they have to rent their house out to strangers....and explaining to the local government why you daughter who should be somewhere in her 40's is still a teenager...and......screw it lol. All in all, a little sub-par as all things go. I didn't really care about any of the characters, the parents were vacuous (did he ever get his blackboard? The world will never know) the younger sister was...I'm fairly certain she was an escaped animatronics robot from Disney...she was there...that was about it. The beefcake boyfriend....eh, the actor seemed to try, just didn't have a lot to work with. The main antagonist....she just never sold anything to me, her emotions/reactions were all one dimensional cardboard. Angelica Houston was a delight...but that's a given. So it fits in so well with so many other Lifetime movies, not great.....not terrible...occasionally boring...but a passable way to vegetate in front of the tv screen.

Moving to a house in England, a family finds their daughters becoming involved in trying to solve a local urban legend of a young woman's disappearance from the area and set out with a friend to finally put an end to the ghost stories plaguing the town.This proved to be a surprisingly enjoyable effort. One of the more enjoyable aspects here is the way this one manages to generate the feeling of superstition around the town. The small-town community which features the urban legend of the central disappearance that sets the plot in motion gives this a strong enough start, and the investigation that ensues offers plenty of thrilling material to coincide with those traditions and customs. That gives the scenes of the family arriving in the area and getting subjected to the hauntings in the house a rather fun atmosphere here with a much more thrilling concept than expected so that the tie-in with the backstory allows for a stronger horror aesthetic with the notion of the plague into the towns' history. Those few scenes, from the different breaking objects around the house which signal the start of the whole affair to the two daughters going after the woman in the woods and the flashback to what happened to her daughter, manages to give this a solid series of scenes that really move this one forward into some thriller categories. The big ceremony at the end, where it uses a much darker setup than expected to offer up a rather chilling set-piece which brings the town history and their own rituals into play rather nicely that generates some thrilling action in how they go about dealing with the ghost and ends this on a rather nice note. Alongside some creepy atmosphere out in the woods throughout here, these manage to give this one enough to like that it holds up nicely over the few flaws. One of the minor issues here is the rather troublesome storyline here as this one goes back- and-forth between the different needs of the ghost. At first, this one features the story about the witch haunting the woods before moving on to the setup about the lost girl and then brings in the historical connection within the woods which does make some sense but ends up feeling way too scattershot to really be of much use overall. The other small issue to be had with this one was the films' obvious tameness of the haunting material, where it's quite obvious how this was made for its TV audience. There's never any real danger posed by the ghost due to not really appearing all that often, the scares aren't all that intense and the whole thing feels incredibly tame in this aspect which does tend to lower this one slightly. Otherwise, it's certainly enjoyable enough despite these flaws.Rated Unrated/PG: Mild Violence and Language.

RELEASED TO TV IN 2017 and directed by Melissa Joan Hart (yes, Sabrina, the teenage witch), "The Watcher in the Woods" details events in Wales when a family from Cleveland, Ohio, move into a country manor for the summer while the mysterious owner, Mrs. Aylwood (Anjelica Huston), lives in the guest house. The teen daughter, Jan (Tallulah Evans), readily discerns something weird is going on, which is linked to Mrs. Aylwood's missing daughter, Karen (Rebecca Acock), from 36 years earlier. Jan investigates the mystery with the aid of a neighbor stud (Nicholas Galitzine) and her younger sister (Dixie Egerickx). I haven't read the book, but I have seen the troubled 1980/1981 Disney film (with three different endings). Unlike the Disney production, this is a TV movie and therefore lacks that one's blockbuster polish; it's also way more subdued. The question is, does it work on that level as a young adult mystery with low-key horror elements? It did for me, but then I can handle TV budget productions. If you remember the TV movies "Bay Coven" (1987) with Pamela Sue Martin or "Satan's School for Girls" (2000) with Shannen Doherty, this version of "The Watcher in the Woods" is along those lines in tone and production quality, although it's superior to the second one. Unlike the 1981 flick, which included a dilapidated chapel and an alien element (rolling my eyes), this rendition follows the book more closely.One of the best things about this version is Tallulah Evans as the fetching Nancy Drew-like protagonist; she looks like a young Amanda Bynes, but with a better figure, which the movie wisely accentuates (don't worry, no sleaze; this is a family-safe movie). The story contains quality human interest with Jan's relationship with the guy, her sister and, finally, Mrs. Aylwood. The unraveling of the mystery is interesting, particularly the link to the Black Death in Britain circa 1348 and the corresponding folksong "Ring around the Rosie." The explanation is more intelligible and interesting than the Disney film but, to be expected, not as entertaining (the extraterrestrial element). The authentic quaint British village locations are another plus, as is the balance between normal daylight sequences and haunting dusk/nighttime sequences. Another reviewer said there's no mood or mysterious ambiance. Hogwash. Unlike other haunting mystery flicks, this version of "The Watcher in the Woods" refuses to be one-note with its atmospherics. The haunting parts are augmented by a fitting piano-oriented score. As far as the final act goes, it's tough to pull off these kinds of supernatural sequences with a straight face. Filmmakers have to be careful with these types of scenes or they become more laughable than spooky. The ending of "Bay Coven," for instance, could go either way, depending on the person. For me, Melissa & crew pulled it off, which is different than saying the movie's flawless. It's not (for instance, the maw-of-the-tree effects are pretty lame), but it's a low-budget production made for Lifetime, after all, and you can nitpick any flick. THE FILM RUNS 87 minutes and was obviously shot in Britain, but I can't find info on the precise locations. WRITERS: Scott Abbott based on Florence Engel Randall's novel. GRADE: B/B- (6.5/10)

This retelling of "The Watcher in the Woods" follows an American family who are spending the summer in Wales. They rent a manor from a mysterious elderly woman whose daughter disappeared in the woods decades before, and the daughters find themselves enveloped in the mystery.I'll be direct here: I grew up on the 1980 version of this film and adore it, and also read the book as a child. It seems screenwriter Scott Abbott was attempting to stick closer to the source novel for this version, as the 1980 film did have substantial differences, but the result is not for the better. The pacing here is fine albeit routine, and the unraveling of the mystery offers few surprises and virtually no tensity. The film has all the cliché trappings of a made-for-television film, but doesn't even attempt a unique spin on them. I won't pretend that the source novel or even the 1980 John Hough-directed film are masterpieces; they are, at the end of the day, youth-aimed works and are going to be lite fare. That said, this retelling is not only narratively bland, but visually bland(er). The original film was a remarkably dark, Gothic film, and part of what made it such a staple of so many's childhood nightmares was the off-kilter atmosphere, menacing score, and unsettling visuals. Here, key scenes are dumbed down, and the look of the film as a whole is utterly devoid of mood; the home used in this version and the surrounding forest lack any and all menace or mystery, and the photography is a large part of what makes the film so insipid. Exterior scenes in particular are bright and cheery, and not even in an ironic way that belies the horror.The performances are concomitantly weak, with the lead cast mainly consisting of Brits doing bad impressions of American accents. Anjelica Huston is fine given what she has to work with, but even her performance here is bland, and the intrigue surrounding her character rendered meaningless. Benedict Taylor, who played the boyfriend in the original, makes an appearance in a way that brings things generationally full-circle; this is a nice nod, but it cannot come close to salvaging the rest.In the end, "The Watcher in the Woods" pales in comparison to its source material as well as the 1980 film, mainly because, unlike the novel and the previous adaptation, it offers nothing in the way of mood, atmosphere, or tension. It's too bland, too bright, and far too non-threatening to offer anything worthwhile. The original novel and earlier film are both unique and ominous in their own respective ways; unfortunately, the same cannot be said here. Aside from a semi-well-directed flashback scene, the film is unrepentantly dull. 2/10.