Memorable, crazy movie

Let's be realistic.

The biggest problem with this movie is it’s a little better than you think it might be, which somehow makes it worse. As in, it takes itself a bit too seriously, which makes most of the movie feel kind of dull.

The tone of this movie is interesting -- the stakes are both dramatic and high, but it's balanced with a lot of fun, tongue and cheek dialogue.

I knew I would enjoy this movie from the moment it was in theaters. I knew so little about Dwayne Johnson (the Rock) but he seemed interesting enough. Most of my friends avoided this movie because the Rock was a wrestler, and I get the idea that many people don't like wrestling, but I gave him a chance. And you know what? It made for a very entertaining action-packed yarn. From the mind of the Mummy creator Stephen Sommers, here comes the latest action hero of the early 2000s. This was also the first movie where Kelly Hu made an appearance. She would later become Lady Deathstrike in X2. Such a beauty! And everyone else (especially the late Michael Clark Duncan) was good too. It's not Oscar material, but it doesn't have to be to be entertaining. If you're looking for a good sword-and-sandal action-adventure flick in the same vein as Conan, try this!

A desert warrior Mathayuas (Dwayne The Rock Johnson) is determined to seek vengeance against Memnon (Steven Brand) whom is the man responsible for killing his brother. After capturing Memnon's sorceress, Mathayaus hunts Memnon down and attempts to overthrow his regime...Having seen both the Mummy and The Mummy Returns I kind of had an idea of what to expect from this instalment...or at least I thought I did...Whilst the first two films had a goofy charm to them (in a kind of Indiana Jones type way) this prequel doesn't seem to quite deliver in the same manner.Yes it has some laughs and yes some of the goofy charm is present, but yet somehow it still manages to be less fun than the first two films. For a start, it lacks the fun adventure type nature that the first two films offered and unfortunately this is where this film comes up short. The story is weak and unfortunately it does rely on weak attempts at humour (one glaring example is the section where Dwayne Johnson hides behind the big gong and then crashes through the window which has clearly been ripped off from the start of Indiana Jones and the temple of doom). I never found that I cared for the story nor for that matter anyone that was in the film.The only people who made any impact on this picture were Dwayne Johnson and Michael Clarke Duncan. Both of these big fellas play off each other fairly well and they both put in decent performances. Steven Brand (or is it Steven Bland) isn't a particularly compelling villain and Kelly Hu (who is pretty much flawlessly beautiful) doesn't put in much of an acting performance which drags the film down somewhat. Grant Heslov is there in a comedic relief role which does serve the film well in all honesty.There are parts of this film that work and it does have some of the goofy charm of the first film. but the problem with this film is that the story is weak and isn't particularly compelling. Die hard fans of the first two films may get something out of this, but for me this is one to avoid.

Hello sir, I'll have a sword and sandal movie with extra cheese.The Scorpion King remains one of my most beloved movies of all time. Its not trying to be an Oscar-calibre movie like Gladiator (which is fine coming from someone who found Gladiator boring), rather its just a chance to watch The Rock crush people on the big screen. Dwayne Johnson is definitely in his acting debut here - he is a big beefy guy who can hold his own in the action but don't ask him to do much else. His love scene with Kelly Hu is excruciating (no thanks to the writing) and even his comic timing is a bit iffy (save for one hilarious scene where he suggests to a young street urchin "I'll kill half, you kill half").Director Chuck Russell impresses me with this film. He's definitely the strong point with his well directed fight scenes and good pacing. One of the standouts of hiring The Rock is that you're going to have awesome fight scenes. The Scorpion King's fight scenes are so awesome that I can watch this movie on repeat and never get sick of it. Its clear that they're extremely choreographed - its clear that extras are holding back waiting to fight - but they're still awesome, featuring an array of weapons (conventional and improvised) wielded by awesome beefcakes like Johnson, Michael Clarke Duncan, Ralf Moeller and Steven Brand. Some scenes feel completely staged - such as a pitchfork spear managing to land perfectly around Johnson's throat to pin him in place against a never-before-seen piece of wood - but its still awesome fun to watch. Characters often appear where they are needed, despite the implausibility. I can forgive all of this.The Scorpion King is a treat to look at - the visuals are honestly more convincing than some of the big budget fare these days, with a great attention to detail (such as digitally created civilians the size of ants rushing to the aid of a person crushed by a giant gong, despite not having any impact on the story). The sound editing is hit and miss - sometimes a sword will make a metal-on-sheath sound as it is pulled from a cloth scabbard, while in others the sound of metal on flesh is so believable it makes me flinch. Costumes are nice (especially the red guards) and production design is very impressive.The screenplay is nice and simple - Mathayus' brother is killed during a botched assassination and he seeks revenge. The extended edition reveals a prophecy played central part - I'm much happier without that. However, the dialogue and characters are cheesy and shallow. We never even learn half the main characters' names (Heslov goes by "horse thief" or "my friend" while Hu goes by "Sorceress"). There's some choice humour and some that doesn't land ("there's no need to be concerned miss" is lame even by 10 year old standards").On the acting front, the highlights include the gorgeous Kelly Hu as Cassandra, a lovable Bernard Hill as Philos and Michael Clarke Duncan as Nubian King Balthazar. What a gem this guy was - this is the film that introduced me to him. He's such a beast with his deep voice and bulging muscles, going toe-to-toe with Johnson in a brawl that starts because both men are so strong their swords shatter on impact. If you don't laugh at that you're made of stone. Brand has his moments as the antagonist Memnon, great from a physical standpoint even though he can't quite carry the serious moments. Grant Heslov drives me insane with his high-pitched voice and goofy sidekick persona.The Scorpion King is a great guilty pleasure. Its simple storyline stops it being goofy, and its awesome fight scenes between beefcake actors make it worth your while. Imagine Predator meets Gladiator with a pinch of Mortal Kombat, and you've got a fair idea.

Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? Yes, it is most likely bronzer and a hint of cocoa butter. Well, I smell what The Rock is cooking and let me tell you, it is a fragrant whiff of awesome! Here is the recipe for success when it comes to a movie like this: one suave wrestler - whose physique and facial expressions trump any acting ability that some elitist film snob would expect of him; a handful of extravagant fight scenes accompanied by cartoonish sound effects; one sexy, barely dressed actress - just in case the testosterone-induced fight scenes aren't enough to attract the male demographic; and lets not forget the numerous one-liners left over from Brendan Fraser's Mummy dialogue. It's true that there is a shameless theft from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where The Rock escapes arrows by running behind a rolling gong. But then again, in Temple Indy was escaping machine gun fire. – SPOILER ALERT - The movie ends quite abruptly and I felt deprived of a climactic battle between the rebels and the army of the awkwardly Anglo fascist villain. There are those who would make a silly fuss over the historical accuracy of The Scorpion King. As is common knowledge, the actual Scorpion King was a skinny Jewish guy. To those people, I would say, if you want historical accuracy, go watch Xena Warrior Princess. This is about The Rock, people! Watch that signature eyebrow raise a near inch in the air and don't fight the oncoming orgasm.