Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

The Worst Film Ever

Simply A Masterpiece

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Wahey! I didn't expect this one to be as delightfully bonkers as it turned out, but then why did I expect it to be normal, knowing fine well that the police inspector in charge is played by a Humphrey Bogart impersonator, complete with mac and the constant presence of a cigarette?Ol' fake Bogey is out to catch the killer of hooker Barbara Bouchet, beaten to death in a classy French brothel run by Anita Ekberg. At first it looks like her boyfriend did it, which would make sense as he was seemingly the last person with her, and was badly beating her up last time we saw Babs alive. Her boyfriend gets captured and sentenced to death during a court scene shown mostly in negative (?), curses all the witnesses to a violent death, escapes from prison, then accidentally decapitates himself while speeding on a motorbike. Saves wear and tear on the guillotine I guess!Those relieved witnesses are not so relieved as someone starts bumping them off, starting with the beating to death of Anita Ekberg (in a weird, multi-coloured scene), but who would want these people dead? Is it singer Rosalba Neri? Her husband, Pepe? Pepe's lover, (I can't be bothered looking up her name)? What about the author who lives in the brothel, 'researching a book'? The judge seems to be involved too, as does his doctor mate who wants to operate on the boyfriend decapitated head. Gordon Mitchell also shows up for a quick cameo which has nothing to do with anything and is totally pointless. I think he was drunk and just wandered on set.Upping the madness factor is your usual sleaze and some gore thrown in for good measure, and the killer's motivation for killing is remarkably tasteless, even for a film that's shown up two decapitations and a doctor cutting up what looks like a lamb's eyeball. I like my gialli short, daft, with plenty of sauce, so full marks to Bogey!Wait – didn't the doctor's assistant say he saw the boyfriend's eyes move while examining his severed head? What was that all about? He was just told to shut up and not mention it again.

In 1972, American producer Dick Randall, never one to let a bandwagon go by without jumping on it, turned his attention to the then extremely popular Italian 'giallo' genre, giving fans of sleazy murder thrillers French Sex Murders, a tawdry tale of sex, violence and bad 70s fashion.The film, which is directed without panache by Ferdinando Merighi, features a great cast (many of whom will be familiar to fans of cult 'Euro-trash' cinema) who struggle with the so-so plot, which sees a detective (who inexplicably resembles Humphrey Bogart) trying to solve the mystery of who is bumping off the girls at a Parisian brothel.But whilst it might never be considered a 'classic' of the genre, French Sex Murders does feature several factors which ensure that a fun time is still had from start to finish: plenty of welcome nudity from its gorgeous actresses (Evelyne Kraft and Barbara Bouchet are stunning); a few decent death scenes (including a couple of decapitations) with effects courtesy of Carlo 'E.T.' Rambaldi; eyeball mutilation; a groovy soundtrack; trippy editing (scenes are shown in negative and often repeated in several different colours) from Bruno Mattei; and memorable performances (not necessarily good, but certainly memorable) from creepy Franco regular Howard Vernon, bizarre Bogart-a-like Robert Sacchi, and the incredibly OTT Pietro Martellanza.So if you've seen all of the greats of the genre, but are still hankering after a bit more giallo action, then you could do (much) worse than to give French Sex Murders a viewing.6.5 out of 10 (rounded up to 7 for IMDb).

Although this is definitely one of your lamer Italian gialli, like all gialli it has some points of interest. It has two different chase scenes involving the Eiffel Tower, just so you know (if the title doesn't clue you in) that it's set in Paris. It has an ironic scene where a condemned murderer is decapitated while fleeing police on a motorcycle. It has a strange scene where the police then turn over the disembodied head to a mad scientist, played by Jess Franco regular Howard Vernon, for him to conduct vague "experiments" on. And perhaps strangest of all it has a lead detective who is played by a Humphrey Bogart impersonator, which no one in the movie remarks on, but will have everyone at home scratching their head.The plot involves the murder of a prostitute in a Paris brothel (run by early 60's sex symbol Anita Ekberg). It's blamed on a jealous client, but the lead detective ("Bogey")suspects otherwise. And when the murders continue after the suspect's ironic-if-he-were-actually-guilty demise, his suspicions are confirmed. The movie has all the standard giallo elements but it's directed without much flair. There's a lot of sex and female nudity (perhaps too much), but it doesn't involve the "name" actresses for the most part who are pretty much wasted in general. Barbara Bouchet is good as a bitchy prostitute but she is murdered before she can even strip out of her sexy red lingerie. Rosalba Neri has a brief nude scene but also a completely throwaway part as the condemned man's ex-wife. And Anita Ekberg, looking middle-aged and none to svelte, also has pretty phoned-in role that pales not just to her early sexy roles, but to the over-the-top trashy stuff she'd do later in movies like "Killer Nun".Howard Vernon is about as good as he usually is in Franco movies, and as for the Bogart impersonator--well, nobody ever saw him again after this movie. I would definitely not recommend buying an overpriced DVD of this disappointing movie, but it might not be a total waste of 90 minutes of your life, especially if you're kind of a giallo completist like I am.

The first frames of the movie are of someone falling from the Eiffel Tower. Police arrive at the Eiffel Tower and chase someone up it, who then falls from the Eiffel Tower. At first, I wondered if this was a copycat, or a jumper who failed to kill himself the first time, ala The Tenant. No, it's the same guy and we're just seeing the same thing twice. And in fact, towards the end of the movie, it's seen again, since the movie jumps back further in time for the bulk of the story.There's repetition in the movie with most of the kills, too. We'll see it once, then the footage is repeated with the screen tinted red, then again tinted blue, green, purple.... Odd choice.So, after we see the figure fall from the Eiffel Tower for the second time, a Bogart-looking police inspector tells us "it all began the last day of Carnival." A thief steals some jewels, then sneaks his way into a brothel, where he is known and not very welcome. He meets up with his girlfriend, leaves, and it's discovered that one of the women has been killed. The emotionally disturbed thief is a pretty good suspect, and he's caught, tried and convicted pretty quickly. But did they get the right person or not?For a movie set around a brothel, there's relatively little nudity, I thought. The women don't wear even very revealing outfits, though the ones they do wear are unusually fetching.It's a pretty good movie. It's certainly helped by the good picture and sound quality on the DVD by Mondo Macabro, and by a good collection of extras. It's interesting how a movie can wind up with different scenes in different markets - they compiled the longest version they could, which evidently had never existed in that form anywhere. There are also two cut scenes, one with alternate dialog for the French version, and the other featuring a cut scene that was in pretty rough shape.The whole movie, except for a few foreign-language scenes subtitled in English, has all English dialog. It's too bad they didn't add English subtitles or closed captions for the hearing impaired, which can be useful even for people who aren't. It might have been nice to have a full length-foreign language track, but this is nitpicking.