You won't be disappointed!

The Worst Film Ever

Simply Perfect

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

STALKER is the Martin Kemp-directed remake of the notorious video nasty THE HOUSE ON STRAW HILL, a sordid tale of depravity and murder that came out in the mid-'70s. Thankfully enough has been changed in this story to make it an effective shocker in its own right, one that even fans of the original film will find has surprises in store.Truth be told, I quite liked this movie. It's no classic but it is a solid little thriller and, given it's a low budget British B-movie, the quality is a lot better than you'd expect. The dull Anna Brecon stars as a mousy writer who goes off to live in a remote country cottage to work on her new novel, only to fall foul of a psychopath.STALKER benefits from effective direction, some shocking moments of violence, and decent performances from the supporting cast. Best of all is Jane March (COLOUR OF NIGHT) playing the secretary and having a ball with the role. Dependable character actors like Billy Murray and Colin Salmon turn up and are most welcome, and there's even a minor part for Linda Hayden, who of course starred in the original film. STALKER is a film that kept me interested throughout, and that's a rare enough thing for a low budget film these days.

Not to be confused with the 1970s Soviet film where three men wander off in to the Russian wilderness and do absolutely nothing for four hours STALKER is no less unentertaining . Based upon a British horror movie from 35 years earlier whose only claim to fame it was banned by the BBFC . It features a plot about a female writer working on her second novel but instead of getting on with the task of writing a book she sits in the garden , sips a glass of wine , has a bath , lies in bed and does a hundred other mundane things , none of which involve typing stuff up on a lap top . There might be something about to happen because creepy music plays out on the soundtrack . Ms Writer sits down in a chair , creepy music . Ms Writer stares at a computer , creepy music . Ms Writer brushes her teeth , creepy music . In fact no matter what happens creepy music is the star of the movie . Considering the director of STALKER is Martin Kemp the talented pretty boy from Spandau Ballet this might be the reason for it

This is an (oddly unacknowledged) re-make of the 1970's film "House on Straw Hill". The gender of the protagonist has been changed to female, but the same basic plot remains--a blocked writer, who is trying to finish a novel, hires a sinister secretary, who quickly takes over both her book and her life (and casually murders several people). The ending of this movie though goes in quite a bit different direction.The movie was directed by Martin Kemp, who is mostly known for his acting and music. The original "House on Straw Hill" was the only British film to be labeled as a "video nasty" during the infamous British censorship hysteria of the early 80's (most of the other banned "nasties" were Italian cannibal films or obscure American horror flicks). It was banned not because it really had that much violence or that much sex, but what the authorities considered to be an unhealthy combination of the two. Oddly, this remake has less violence and far less sex than the 70's version.The cast is interesting. Udo Kier, who played the protagonist in the original is sorely missed, but Linda Hayden, who originally played the sexy psycho secretary gets a cameo role as the housekeeper (which is odd since she has had nothing good to say about the original film over the years). Her former role meanwhile is played by Jane March, who has had a remarkably similar career to Hayden. Both appeared in notorious erotically-themed films as teenagers ("The Lover" and "Color of Night" for March and "Baby Love" and "Blood on Satan's Claw" for Hayden) that may have hindered their later careers (March has done little work since the 1990's while most of Hayden's later work was in goofy sex comedies and a cameo role in "Boys from Brazil"). March is not nearly as good as Hayden in this role, neither as sexy nor as deliciously evil, but I think Hayden was just a much better actress (extremely underrated actually).Frankly, this whole project is a very strange undertaking since the original film is still essentially MIA in Britain and is only getting a DVD release in America this year. And the remake doesn't even use either title of the original (which is better known as "Expose" in Britain), but goes with the bland title "Stalker" (actually, also the title of great Tarkovsky film). The movie itself isn't bad, but this whole project seems very odd and misguided.

One reviewer claims this isn't a horror film then seeks to justify that comment by saying there's very little gore. Dear me, when did good horror require gore? If done with a bit of style, atmosphere, decent acting and a proper understanding of and respect for the genre, then it's not needed at all. The interesting thing is that the writer and director is none other than Martin Kemp. The man has gone from child actor to pop start to cinematic gangster to soap star to music revivalist to screenwriter and director...and like everything else he's done, he's been successful! Interesting too that he would know much about the infamous Hose on Straw Hill/Expose film of the mid-70s. Perhaps other reviewers would question that films horror veracity too? Here Kemp remakes with a considerable twist (albeit a somewhat clichéd one) and even brings back Linda Hayden who played a younger, saucier character back in the day. From the original film to Hammer Dracula to the awesome 'Blood On Satan's Claw', Linda is always a welcome contributor. Convincing performances from Jane March and Billy 'The Bill' Murray also help and it's mice to see the excellent Colin Salmon, though he seems less comfortable. In short, a psycho thriller type horror film that isn't particularly original but successfully evokes the feel of mid-70s independent British horror. I hope that Kemp makes more of these.