The Worst Film Ever

Don't Believe the Hype

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

"Sparkhouse" is not a straight adaptation of "Wuthering Heights". It is as if the characters had read Brontë's novel (like ill-fated lovers Carol and Andrew do at the beginning) and the plot and events kept reappearing uncannily in their own lives. I watched this TV-series as part of my PhD research some years ago and I must confess I was not enjoying it at first. I thought that the depiction of Carol as a 21st century female Heathcliff was brilliant (and wonderfully played by Sarah Smart). However, I was feeling let down by the two male roles, played by two actors I had never seen before. Andrew (Joe MacFadden, doing his best with a thankless role) was not convincing as modern male Cathy. While one could sympathise with the lack of options of Brontë's heroine (a 19th century woman), Andrew (a 21st century man) came across as an insufferably weak mummy's boy. Shy farmhand John was nicer but... what a clumsy scruff! I rolled my eyes at every one of his stammering attempts to woo Carol. That, until the scene where John got the haircut. Then, my jaw literally fell to the floor. I pictured myself kicking Andrew's back and shouting "Move over!". It was then when I discovered that John was played by a certain Mr. Richard Armitage (already stealing the show in his debut), on whom I have had a crush ever since. I immediately felt bad about myself. While now I could not get enough of him (I desperately wanted Carol to love him), I had not thought he deserved a second look till he became handsome. I realised how easy it was to become Isabella Linton while thinking you were Cathy all along, how easy it was to judge by appearances instead of looking inside the soul. I feel better by thinking Cathy daughter made the same mistake in Brontë's novel. Her anger did not let her see the wonderful guy she had in front (Hareton, a character with whom John has been compared). Praises to Sally Wainwright for writing the all the roles so well and praises to Richard Armitage for playing John so well. He is one of those actors who use all the body in their performances, even the most insignificant detail: the way Carol pulls him by the hand while he drags his feet, head down, perfectly defines their relation. It seems incredible that he is the same person who went to play smouldering John Thornton and villain Guy of Gisborne (attention to a cute scene in "Sparkhouse" with then twelve year-old Holliday Grainger, years later his love interest in "Robin Hood"). Let's hope "The Hobbit" makes him the star he deserves to be.

OK it's very melodramatic, but what acting by the two leads! Both of them are excellent in this. I've seen Sarah Smart do a similar 'act' in other things. Whatever it is, she does it very well.Joe McF plays his passionate and emotional part very well here. I know he irritates some reviewers by his 'soppiness' in this, but that's the character.I'm surprised that Sparkhouse did not catapult both of them into much greater prominence. Joe McF, in particular, seems almost to have disappeared from the screen.By the way, I also think Camilla Power is good in her rather thankless role. To think she was once in Narnia! Richard Armitage also does well here, but doubt I'll ever understand the adulation he seems to attract.

OK, I'm sick to death of people whining, and saying "Oh, it's so PREDICTABLE, oh it's so MELODRAMATIC, oh it's so UNORIGINAL". Guess what kids - EVERY THEME HAS BEEN DONE. It's no longer a question of fresh, new concepts or ideas, the art is in the FORM. The show had wonderful performances, it was well put-together, and I enjoyed it. Yes, the plot twists have all been done before, the story has been done before (not surprising, since it's a lovely modern retelling of Wuthering Heights), but so what? Just about every flick I see is predictable and hackneyed from a plot perspective, but the WAY the film plays out is what draws my attention.Watch it, it's another example of a production that would never fly in the US because it's much too basic. Personally, I think Sarah Smart is lovely and very talented, but in the States, they would have selected someone with a following, someone ridiculous like Sara Michelle WhatsHerName and completely ruined it. Not to mention the big budget sets, the cheesy one-liners, and the farm-girls that look like they all stepped out of the Elizabeth Arden spa.

So the whole thing kinda left me underwhelmed. I'm a massive 'At Home With The Braithwaites' fan and was very interested to see what the writer, director and star could produce over on the BBC.It was sentimental and sensationalist. Her sister being her daughter? That was old way before Eastenders did it. Carol smashing up a car and hanging a dog but letting her dad hit her? A 12 year old being pregnant and no-one asking questions? My biggest problem was that Sally Wainwright was supposed to be writing this great passionate love story. A bit of rainy snogging on the moors does not make it passionate. If they were so massively in love with each other then why did they let anything stop them? They played psychological games and deliberately hurt each other. If Carol later picked up sticks with her sister/daughter and went off why couldn't she have done that earlier with Andrew? It was also directed by Robin Sheppard, who did first series work on 'the Braithwaites'.Okay, enough about the writing. The acting was good. Celia Imrie was pretty classic, as was Nicholas Farrell, though he bore high both physical and character resemblance to David Braithwaite. They were fun. Joe McFadden, whatever. He annoyed my girlfriend almost to the point where she couldn't stand to watch it anymore. And why did he suddenly acquire glasses when he became a teacher? Are they part of the uniform or something? His wife, Becky, was played by Camilla Power. The aforesaid girlfriend occupied herself by persuading me that it was a grown up Jill Pole from the Narnia dramatisations. It was. She was cool. And then of course there was Sarah Smart.I couldn't believe it when Carol turned up in the posh car with the smooth hair-do. It was certainly a double take moment. Wainwright is certainly very interested in this character. She took Virginia (Ms Smart's wonderful character in 'the Braithwaites'), changed the world around the character and wrote a story. She didn't even change how the character looked. Sarah Smart was good, but she showed us nothing that new. We know she can pull funny faces and swear and shout and be angry and lovely. And I'm ever so pleased she got the chance to play a romantic lead in a big production. I just hope her next role will be more interesting and different.