What a waste of my time!!!

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

You see bad movies, good movies, great movies and the ones which leave a lasting impression on you. This is certainly one of a kind. Simon Birch is a character you won't easily forget. I am not the one to burst out in laughter in every comic scene, but there were quite a few in this. The baseball hitting scene was hard to describe, it was hilariously tragic. The school drama and dialogues, ohh, makes me remember the one from Jane Bhi Do Yaaro. Ashley Judd, I thought, was the right choice in place of Sandra Bullock, she is so charming here as the small town heartthrob and well and truly blows you off your feet in whatever screen time she got. The climax was true to Simon's character, it shows the ultimate triumph of human spirit, and you just come out of the theatre with the feel that everybody has a relevance and rightful place in this world. 8-8.5/10. Fantastic.

Released in 1998, "Simon Birch" was directed and written by Mark Steven Johnson ("Daredevil," "Ghost Rider") loosely based on John Irving's novel "A Prayer for Owen Meany."The story takes place in 1964 coastal Maine and involves two misfit friends, both 12 years old, both outcasts: Simon a dwarf and Joe a bastard child.Despite his challenging condition, Simon believes there's a reason he's a dwarf and that God has a purpose for him and more. Does he have any proof for this belief? No. It's just something he knows.Joe, on the other hand, desperately wants to know who his father is. His mother (Ashley Judd) got pregnant during her senior year in high school but she never revealed the identity of the father. Much of the story involves Simon and Joe trying to figure out who Joe's father is.The reality of Simon's condition is driven home when Joe tells him a local girl finds him cute. Simon responds, "She means cute like a baby turtle is cute. Girls don't kiss baby turtles." "How do you know," Joe asks. "I just know. If you were me you'd know too.""Simon Birch" is reminiscent of 1994's "Forrest Gump." Both are named after their protagonist, both take place in the 60s, both involve outcasts who are challenged mentally or physically, both have the same style, both are heavy and light at the same time -- serious drama balanced out by humor and tragedy. Director/writer Johnson was obviously shooting for the next "Forrest Gump."Although "Birch" isn't as good as "Gump" it's pretty good. Unlike "Gump" it failed at the box office, making only $18 million in the USA while costing $20 million, but word-of-mouth has spread.For the first 10 minutes or so I wasn't sure if I was going to buy into the film's inevitable contrivances and melodramatics, but the next thing I knew I was sucked into the story and having a good time. When it was all over I had a lot of things to reflect on. In fact, I watched it again. Yes, there are some "Yeah, right" moments but watch a few old b&w flicks where contrivances and melodramatics are a way of life. A film can get away with being a tad unlikely or sentimental if it plays its cards right.One scene involves a baseball hitting someone in the head. This brought to memory something that happened when I was around 8 years old: My family and I were walking the trails of Theodore Wirth Park in Minneapolis when we came to the edge of a baseball field. As soon as we entered the outfield somehow I just knew that the current batter was going to hit the ball and it was going to hit me right in the face. I knew it but I didn't know how I knew. I just knew. Next thing you know the batter hits the ball into the air -- it was like slow motion -- and it came and hit me right on the cheek! (The only good thing was I think it was a softball). How did I KNOW this was going to happen? I don't know, but it's pretty amazing. I bring this up not only because there's a similar scene in "Simon Birch" but also because I believe it relates to Simon knowing and believing he had a purpose and was going to die a hero.The idea of Simon dying is no spoiler, by the way. It's revealed right from the start that Simon and someone else would die before the film ends. This, of course, softens the shock when they do and allows the tale to play as bittersweet nostalgia. Some people call the story sad and tragic, but it's not. We know right from the get-go who's going to die. We just don't know when and how. Besides, everyone dies sooner or later (but not every one grows up).This is the first and only film I've ever seen Ashley Judd in and she's ANGELIC. Seriously, Ashley is the definition of spirituality, not to mention stunningly beautiful.Another likable character is Ben Goodrich, played by Oliver Platt. He assumes the father-figure role to both Simon and Joe, but he's very natural about it, not pushy.Some of the themes addressed are:-- Order, purpose and love in a bloody realm of chaos. -- It's possible to be religious but not spiritual. -- If you KNOW something in your heart, never give up or stop believing. -- Who is your real father, the man from whose loins you came or the one who loves & mentors you? -- The conflict of flesh and spirit, random chance and order, meaningless existence or purposeful life. -- Sex/romance can cause you to make really stoo-pid mistakes. -- Going through religious motions but no longer really believing. -- Religion and truth are not one in the same. A person can get bogged down in the mire of human religion and miss the point. Truth sets FREE.The characters are likable. There's some crudeness and cussing, but it reflects real life rather than crudeness for the sake of crudeness. Even the 'villains' are not totally unlikable or without sympathy. Rev. Russell comes across more as a man who's simply lost his way while going through the motions rather than a man out to abuse people. Same thing with the Sunday school teacher.Watch out for the laugh-out-loud scene involving the manger, the baby Jesus and the girl who plays the virgin Mary.Jim Carrey has a small role as Joe when he's an adult, bookending the film and narrating. The locations are gorgeous, filmed in Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, and on the French River in Ontario.GRADE: B

Joe and Simon (Joseph Mazzello, Ian Michael Smith) have always been best pals, maybe because they both felt like outsiders; Joe is illegitimate and Simon is a dwarf. Now, at age twelve, Joe sets out to find his real father and Simon wonders what special plan God has for his life.This touching story of kids growing up in a small town has the same nostalgic feel of movies like "Stand By Me," painting an idyllic picture of youthful hijinks, loyalty, and courage. Ian Michael Smith, in his only movie role, is excellent as the spunky, brave Simon. Joseph Mazzello, so memorable in "Jurassic Park" and "Shadowlands," is good but has outgrown the adorable little-boy stage and appears stiff at times. The boys are ably assisted by Ashley Judd, Oliver Platt, and David Straithairn and Jim Carrey has a brief cameo as the adult Joe.The movie is an affectionate homage to childhood innocence and is recommended although some dialogue may not be suitable for children.

I wouldn't have got to seen this movie if I hadn't run it as a VHS for a literature class and I have to admit it has a wonderful script with both comical, fantasy and dramatic touches. Nathan Lane is a gem as always and Ashley Judd looks great in the period costumes as well as all the boys pine for her. I would want her as a mom. Joseph Mazzello of "Jurassic Park" pulls off a great performance for a young actor and so does Ian Michael Smith, this being his only movie. Their craziness in the Christmas pageant in this movie rivals the tomfoolery in another movie known as "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." The boy's two objectives/destinies mesh together in one incredible movie meant for anybody who's anybody to see. I would see this movie again even with Jim Carey in it.