The Worst Film Ever

The Age of Commercialism

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

Blistering performances.

Scalps (1983) * 1/2 (out of 4)Some archeologist students head out to some Indian land where they plan on digging bodies up so that they can take ka variety of items. It doesn't take long for them to unleash an evil spirit who decides to teach them a lesson.Fred Olen Ray's SCALPS has become a cult favorite over the years and in all honesty I can see why. The film certainly borrows some elements from THE HILLS HAVE EYES but back in the day when VHS was all the craze, something like SCALPS would be the perfect example of the type of film that made that format boom. Yes, the film is quite poor and very boring at times but there's still some low-budget charm to it.The biggest problem with SCALPS is the fact that the middle section is just downright boring. The film kicks off in high gear as we see a decapitation right off the bat and you get ready to see this type of thing throughout the 88-minute running time but it doesn't happen again for quite a while. The entire middle section of this picture is downright boring as the characters do nothing but talk about what we've already seen them do and talk about what we're about to see them do.The horror elements finally kick in and that's when we get some more fun, gory violence but it takes a very long time to get there and by the time it does come it's just too late. I will say that the film has some charm if you're a fan of these types of movies. The cast range from poor to okay but you do get Forrest J. Ackerman playing a small role.

I think I've got Fred Olen Ray's schtick down now. After watching however so many of his movies, I think this is his approach: to take a completely trite excuse for a story that anyone who has ever seen a horror movie could recite in their sleep and then suck it of any of the life and possibility of interest it ever could have had. His movies are usually short, barely clocking in at over an hour, and that entire first hour will be "characters" wandering around doing absolutely nothing of interest and certainly nothing that will invest them with a personality, or give you any reason whatsoever to care about them at all. After he has lulled you to sleep better than your grandmother could when you were six months old, he'll start deploying with the actual "horror" movie stuff, ie. gore, but as I said, you'll be asleep or perhaps even comatose by this point.In the first hour of a Fred Olen Ray movie, he carefully constructs as many barriers between you and caring about his movie as he can. In the last ten or fifteen minutes, he throws the things you probably watched the movie hoping to see at you, ie. the blood and guts, but you probably gave up at barrier 3 or 4 and have long since stopped paying attention to the movie and started doing something else."Scalps" has a few extra barriers between you and it, aside from its most sturdy, ie. the tedium of it. These are the picture quality and the sound. The movie looks like it was filmed through mud. You can barely make out what you are seeing, anyway, so even if it wasn't boring and pointless, you wouldn't be able to see it.The sound was obviously all recorded in post production, making it stick out like a sore thumb and sound entirely unnatural and distracting throughout the entire movie. It makes you want to watch the characters lips at the beginning at least, knowing it's probably totally out of sync, but then you realise that you can't really see their lips - remember? The movie was filmed through mud.The plot is something to do with college students (I guess) going to stay in an Indian burial ground. They wander around doing nothing and saying nothing of interest for an hour until they are killed in a variety of admittedly gruesome ways. One is clubbed from behind by something that looks like a topless Dame Edna Everidge. In the movie's most noteworthy scene of violence, a woman is, indeed, actually scalped, so at least there was a reason for the title other than the racist exploitation of Native American myths the movie engages in.The scalping scene may not look all that realistic, but it must have cost some actual money. If they could afford to do that, why couldn't they have come up with a plot for this mess, a boom mic, and a camera lens that wasn't covered in sludge?

If you want a fine example of 'bare bones (horror) film-making', "Scalps" is just as fine as any example. Not that it's a fine film, mind you. Everything about it, is rudimentary. Like if it was made by a brute. It looks like the editing was done with an axe, first having the film chopped to pieces and then glued together with Pattex super-glue. The camera work is limited to pointing it where the actor is when he speaks his lines (or when he does something). The audio work was limited to making sure it was at least recorded. This makes up for background noises being very inconsistent during simple conversations, when the camera switches angles. In an attempt to cover up the sloppy sound, you get many scenes where the musical score continues to play throughout several scenes where it doesn't even belong. While this becomes ridiculous too often, the score itself does have its moments. It's minimalistic and electronic, and at times manages to enhance the desert landscapes with an ominous atmosphere.Essentially, "Scalps" plays out like mixing an ordinary slasher flick with an "Evil Dead"-ish 'vengeful spirits'-theme, set in a desert à la "The Hills Have Eyes" (at one point it even seems Fred copied the exact same 'passing through a tunnel with a car'-scene from the first "Evil Dead"). A group of young archaeologists set out to excavate an Indian burial ground. We all know you should stay away from such sites when you're starring in a horror movie. One directed by Fred Olen Ray, no less, so thankfully that also means naked boobs and gore... The boobs at display are fine, the attempted rape-scene too (yes, the spirits they awaken are not only angry, but also horny). The gore at display, while being raw and not of a high technical standard, is pretty cool too (heads being decapitated & scalped, throats being cut,...). It's bloody but very basic, yet not without charm. You can include not-so-effective 'possessed' make-up effects in the gamma, and one, incredibly puzzling appearance of a ghostly demon dude with an animatronic lion's head. A great source of incomprehensible laughter, but afterwards I learned that this was test-footage Fred never intended to edit into the movie. His producers decided otherwise. Another highlight in the SFX department is the exploding ghostly Indian head. Its evil, floating influence is felt & seen numerous times throughout the movie (not sure if that was intended either), but at one point it makes the stupid mistake to appear amidst a crispy campfire. Boom! Bye bye, ghostly Indian head. Good stuff.The film's pace is pretty damn slow; obviously, as we're dealing with an early 80's slasher here. The performances aren't very convincing, as to be expected, but the young cast does manage to say things with a straight face. And that in itself is an accomplishment, as most of the dialogues are clichéd-driven, moronic drap. However, one girl manages to utter the most memorable line from the whole film: "Defiling the graves of the dead will only anger their souls!". Upon hearing it, it spontaneously evokes the viewer's urge to repeat it with a more firm, low-pitched, threatening voice. And so we did. Hilarity ensued.I think that sums up about everything there is to say about Fred Olen Ray's "Scalps". He does try to make a serious-toned supernatural slasher, but delivers an inept piece of bare bones film-making. It's notable for the rudimentary gore effects and the occasionally atmospheric soundtrack. But, as so it goes with most of his other 80's horror/sci-fi outings, it's advisable to watch it with friends. That way you can have more fun with the 'bad movie qualities' it has. Make this film better, and share the laughter. And then go right ahead and watch his honest-to-god "Alien" cash-in "Deep Space" too. By then (1988), Fred had already learned to pick up the pace of a film, understood that his films needed more slimy tentacles & grotesque monster action and very well gained the budgetary means to hire The Great Charles Napier ("I've got a mouth that can open sideways too!") to spear-head the cast. It's the one film that proudly managed to put him on my B-movie map in my early days. If you really need to see one Fred Olen Ray film, then watch "Deep Space".

~Spoiler~ I had recently discovered Scalps by sifting through the pages of Horrorhound and checking out their underrated slasher films section. Scalps is the only one I hadn't seen and thought I might want to give it a go. I did have some qualms, well, one qualm: Fred Olen Ray. Ray makes bad movies. Some of those are good bad movies, but many of them are BAD bad movies. I have to say that Scalps is one of the BAD bad ones. I don't see anything underrated about it. The story is simple: college kids go on an archaeological dig on an Indian burial ground and unleash a vengeful spirit that dispenses with the group one by one. The acting is horrible, the lighting is non-existent, and the effects are laughable. This is not one of Ray's fun movies. For fun, I'll stick with Evil Toons, but I'll keep an eye out for Scalps II: The Return of D.J.