Overrated

A very feeble attempt at affirmatie action

It's the kind of movie you'll want to see a second time with someone who hasn't seen it yet, to remember what it was like to watch it for the first time.

The acting in this movie is really good.

"Painted Lady" is perfectly dreadful television fare. Don't waste your time with it. Plot strands, sometimes pretty and other times gritty, fly off in every direction without the slightest resolution. Characters -- a boy in the bath, street thugs, art dealers with Italian accents, restorers, purveyors of rough trade, even a dog -- come and go. The film begins as a British police investigatory, mind you, but the cops fail to properly investigate what should be an absurdly easy murder to solve. They are out of it by the second reel. (Where is Hercule Poirot when you need him!) Helen Mirren, unconvincing as a retired rocker with a pin in the side of her nose, is also unconvincing as a Polish noblewoman in disguise. She fails to save it. And the credits roll.Mirren's character, you see, lives off the largesse of Sir Charles Stafford, the aged -- and debt-burdened -- proprietor of a great house somewhere in the British Isles. One night, while she lolls with a boy toy, Stafford is killed in what appears to be the heist of an Old Master hanging in the hall. The audience immediately knows who done it and why. For reasons known only to the scriptwriter, Mirren hides Stafford's gun from the police, reconnects with Stafford's wayward son, and sets out to recover the painting, which may or may not exist.The audience is treated to a good bit of art history and one of those plummy high-stakes art auctions, but it is all pointless. Nothing happens. Nothing makes sense. And Mirren's song lyrics are just awful. "Painted Lady" is "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" light. Watch something else.

Reading the first comment, I wasn't sure that it was the same film I had just agonized through. From dialog to confused plot "Painted Lady" qualifies as a true Disaster film.Where to begin? I fear that dissecting this cadaver would entail too many spoilers, though spoiling this film would be a redundancy.There are enough clichés of plot and language to satisfy any B movie connoisseur. Characters come and go, money changes hands, Mirren repeatedly walks into dangerous situations, escaping primarily, through editing cuts to the next scene with no explanation. Near the end of the film, where she barely escapes with her life, we see her walk away without a huge painting that is the raison d'etre of the film. Once again the editor steps in to correct the oversight.Details of plot and dialog are changed at will, leaving one to wonder about what is really going on. Helen Mirren seems to have reverted to her days in "Caligula", not on a sexual level, but rather for being associated with a story too banal for pulp fiction.Reviewing my comment, I have been a trifle negative...only because of my self-restraint.

A break-in and robbery sets in motion the unfolding of a plot, and reveals unexpected secrets. That's about the briefest and least spoiler-filled description of what goes on in this I can provide. The story is impeccable, and immensely well-told. This is two episodes, both of about 100 minutes, so almost three hours and twenty all put together, and it's not boring for a second. The pacing is spot-on. Uncovering the mystery is interesting and keeps you watching, as does the genuine suspense that is built up expertly well in this. The sense of humor helps, as well, never letting this get too dark, and not being overdone or getting in the way of the overall serious tone, in spite of having a couple of entire sequences that are really, really funny. All of the acting performances are beyond reproach, if I don't necessarily fully accept Mirren as a former musician with the loose life-style that implies(no, the facial piercing didn't entirely sell it). That's probably mainly because I'm used to seeing her portray more dignified, in control women, anyway. The dialog is fantastic, memorable and clever, and writing as well as delivery are sharp as a prime quality razor-blade's edge. Cinematography and editing are magnificent, and not just "for a TV piece". Production value is high. This is rather credible, intelligent and entertaining, throughout. There is relatively brief nudity, some language and a bit of bloody violence. I recommend this to any fan of anyone who helped make it, British cinema and/or crime-dramas. 8/10

Helen Mirren is always a joy to watch as she gets her chops around a part. I think she had fun here tramping skillfully through several cultures, costumes, and accents. It looks like she can sing, too. The Irish bit got lost along the way, however. The house and scenery are great wherever we are. And there are some pretty good supporting players on the trip. I think the writing on the initial screenplay sounds like it was good, from the featurette on the DVD, but somewhere along the road, either in the directing or the editing perhaps, something essential got lost. My willing suspension of disbelief went with it. Nice try, sort of fun to watch, except for Nero, who should burn with shame for his hamfisted acting. Why would Helen ever fall for him?!