Let's be realistic.

Blistering performances.

The film may be flawed, but its message is not.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Cheap Die Hard knock-off that, honestly, isn't too bad. Former Playmate of the Year Shannon Tweed has the Bruce Willis role here as a beauty pageant host who is also a martial arts movie star. Andrew "Dice" Clay has the Hans Gruber role. The film makes great use of the fact that the audience already sees him as a gigantic a-hole. Clay raids a beauty pageant and takes several of the women, including Tweed, hostage. Tweed escapes and attempts to save the day. Robert Davi plays one of the contestant's bodyguards. He kind of has the Reginald VelJohnson role, but he also gets to take part in the action a little. The video cover doesn't even include Tweed but instead inserts Davi as the hero of the picture. Clay's group of freelance terrorists includes "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, who gets beaten half to death by a bag of ice at one point. Not only that, but his character's name is Ice! The movie is corny as Hell, but I had plenty of fun with it.

Disclaimer for avid Shannon Tweed fans: there's no nudity whatsoever in this movie. That could be surprising to some, but as I always say: guess there's a first time for everything. This isn't really the kind of sleazy soft-core flick Tweed is usually known for either, it's more of a sleazy dumb action flick. I'll never go as far as calling this screenplay unsubtle, but at one point Tweed's character is described as "Bruce Lee with boobs". Just saying. The whole thing is entertaining enough though, mainly because of the bizarre choice of co-stars. Rowdy Roddy Piper and Andrew Dice Clay, who the hell did the casting on this one? Whoever it was, he or she rules the Earth. The action scenes look pretty good too by the way, Bruce Lee with boobs kicks some serious ass at some point. This movie actually looks like it was meant to be as generic and cheap as possible, but luckily there's too much coolness in it to make that happen.

"No Contest" is a silly rip-off of "Die Hard".The plot: Sharon Bell (Tweed) is hosting a beauty pageant when Oz (Clay) and his band of criminals take over the proceedings. Now it's up to Sharon to save the day! This movie is worth-watching for the unintentional comedy. The climax is hilarious! Dice and Tweed battle it out on a rooftop using martial arts. The sight of Clay doing roundhouse kicks and other similar moves is very amusing. Tweed also can't do karate and there's always a long shot instead of a closeup.The acting by all is horrible, but it's not a big deal because you can't take this seriously.If you've been asking yourself "Can Andrew "Dice" Clay perform martial arts?" Rest assured. This is the movie you've been waiting for! For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

Shannon Tweed as a heroine? Andrew Dice Clay and Roddy Piper as bad guys? All three in a DIE HARD rip-off taking place at a beauty pagent? Hey, this isn't going to be a masterpiece, but it sounds like it would be great fun as a trashy movie!I said "sounds like". But I was sorely disappointed. Tweed doesn't get naked. The action scenes aren't that great. Clay and Piper aren't that campy, and don't seem to be that enthusiastic.Not the worst DIE HARD rip-off out there. But _nowhere_ the great movie it could have been. I know the premise sounds great, especially with those actors, but trust me, it's disappointing.