Better Late Then Never

Am i the only one who thinks........Average?

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

0.5/10Back in the early 2000s I had saved my paper round money to purchase a DVD player with a surround sound system. When I opened the box I saw it came with a few free DVDs which certainly wasn't the norm. One of these films was Train to Hell (1996). From the title of the film and the picture of a big star actor (Grant) on the front I foolishly decided this was worth a watch.Terrible. Just absolutely awful. Words cannot describe how disappointing this film is. I sat through the entire film, start to finish!Even now, nearly 15 years later it still stands out vividly in my memory as the single worst film I've ever seen. The script was bizarre, the dialogue was all over the place, the camera work was often shaky and scenes with mistakes in the delivery and points where Grant mistakenly and nervously peeks into the camera lens were left in the final edit. It was clear from the look in Hugh Grant's eyes that he was uncomfortable with the direction during filming, at certain points he genuinely looks like he is going to be sick with anxiety.I think I burned the DVD after watching it, only to crave it again years later after discussing awful films with friends at uni. I felt I had to watch it again to make sure it wasn't just a dream (nightmare). I never managed to get a hold of another copy.I imagine if I was a lecturer on a cinema course I would make a point of showing all my students this film. It is basically a step by step guide of how to make a genuinely laugh out loud terrible film. I cannot fathom how people were paid to make this. I actually believe I could make a better film myself with a smartphone and a couple of friends; and that is saying something!If you're a film student, this is a must see......

I was very shocked that Hugh Grant would appear in a movie like this. Apart from the fact that this movie was terrible, he was certainly out of his depth in this mystery thriller. He has done thrillers before including but not limited to movies such as Extreme Measures (1996) which wasn't a box office success. The Hugh Grant audiences know and love has struck success with movies such as Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994), Nine Months (1995), Bridget Jones's Diary (2001), and About a Boy (2002). Night Train to Venice was certainly a departure for Hugh Grant and this stinker of a movie shows that Hugh Grant should stick with what he does best.Night Train to Venice centres on a young journalist named Martin who is travelling to Venice by train (hence the title) to drop off a copy of his book. Along the way he encounters a variety of people including Vera (Tahnee Welch, Cocoon) an actress who is travelling with her daughter, and a man known as The Stranger (Malcolm McDowell, A Clockwork Orange) who has a mysterious influence over their dreams, and also wipes out Martin's memory. Only Vera and her daughter can help Martin.To describe this movie as a train wreck would be an understatement. It is very boring, lifeless and very uninteresting. I didn't care for how the movie ended as this was amazingly bad. It's no surprise that Hugh Grant stated in a 2002 interview that this is the worst movie he has ever done, and rightfully so.Hugh Grant should stick with romantic comedies as that is definitely what he does best.1/10.

Movies that parallel reality with a surreal, dream-like existence run the risk of alienating any audience not completely in tune with the director's vision; in this case, that alienation turns to unintended comedy when journalist Hugh Grant boards the Orient Express from Munich to Venice, where neo-Nazis have sneaked aboard and threaten to cause chaos. Also on-board this train trip to Hell is Tahnee Welch as a recently-widowed stage actress, her little girl and caretaker, plus an internationally known dancer, some drag queens, and Malcolm McDowell as a tough-talking "Stranger". From what I could decipher, it appears Grant blames the presence of the Nazis on himself (he apparently wrote an unflattering piece about Skinheads), but once the train pulls into Venice (in time for Carnival!) all that business aboard the Express seems to have been forgotten. It would be impossible to credit director Carlo U. Quinterio for his 'unique' vision; the filmmaker blatantly copies the criss-crossing style of Nicolas Roeg's thriller "Don't Look Now" (also set in Venice), creating an indecipherable scenario wherein the editor was allowed to go berserk with the flash-forwards and flashbacks. The movie is so cluttered up with murky minutiae that it allows the straight-faced proceedings some camp value (how else to describe the cobbling together of Nazi atrocities and S&M imagery with sex scenes involving Grant nibbling on Welch's breasts--shown again under the closing credits!). Low-budget mess resembles those Golan-Globus pictures from the 1980s, and poor Grant seems at a complete loss for words. NO STARS from ****

I'm generally not somebody who'd criticize, but this movie deserves to be exposed. It's the worst piece of cinematography I've ever seen and I have been leading the film club at our school, so I saw all the amateur crap pupils brought in. For goodness sake, home movies of babies sleeping motionless are more interesting. This movie sucks so much, that if you own it, you'll never need a vacuum cleaner again! It's so dull that in comparison even cotton candy seems like a razor sharp object! Neonazies chase the leading character, but he is able to walk away from them in an empty train cart, only to run into them later on and escape by allowing them to get killed at his convenience.Come on, even when you see the sexual scenes between the leading actors (and the lady is hot) you'll just say to your self, why do they show this. Shouldn't they rather end it? And when they finally end the movie, you're not even glad the torture is over, you actually get angry at them for waiting until the end. Trust me, it's the time you'd better spend with the TV turned off.I'm seriously considering contacting my lawyer and making a civil suit against the director for not committing suicide before finishing this movie.