Just perfect...

Dreadfully Boring

Very good movie overall, highly recommended. Most of the negative reviews don't have any merit and are all pollitically based. Give this movie a chance at least, and it might give you a different perspective.

Strong acting helps the film overcome an uncertain premise and create characters that hold our attention absolutely.

Nude Raves, women in cages, and Kim Cattrall with a bad German accent sounding like Terri Garr in "Young Frankenstein. What was not to like? The acting was ham. The script was nonsense and dialogue humorous.Van Helsing: "You would being willing to drive a stake through someone's heart and you don't believe in vampires?" Gabriel Casseus: "I need this job."There is really no horror in this movie. It is a comedy, but not a laugh out loud type of comedy. It is a cult comedy and viewable even with Casper Van Dien.

Modern Vampires is the tale of a crew of ghastlies enjoying the night life of L.A. in relative obscurity until someone goes on a killing rampage which brings them to the attention of the local police, as well as the local don, Count Dracula, who likes discretion so much that he even has a special cleaning service for messy vampires. That tells you something about how seriously this movie takes itself. Who's doing the killing, why, and what to do about her (yes, her) is the basis of the plot. A parallel plot involves Dr. Van Helsing on another of his famous vampire hunts, so the predatory vampiress is triply threatened.This is not an easy film to characterize. It's about vampires, yes, but they're not so much scary in the traditional sense of Lugosi and Lee as they are just kind of creepy and weird, and as disgusting as they are terrifying. They turn their victims into human sodas to be drunk in underground nightclubs They transform into gargoyle like creatures that seem to have more in common with modern sfx-driven horror movies than the original vampire legend. And for God's sake don't ever make love to one of them. That too has taken on new and dire consequences.The film also explores the notion of degrees of vampiric evil (no surprise to any Buffy fan). Casper Van Dien's character Dallas has made two vampires to save them from unhappy fates, so humans are obviously something more than just food to him. These vampires have all kinds of family arrangements, from mafia like to almost normal human variety. There is even one who is eternally pregnant, a bizarre state of affairs surpassing even Ann Rice's child vampire Claudia, whose role, to some extent, is played by the (s)punky young vampire portrayed by Natasha Wagner. Although physically mature, she is an emotional child who gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'instant gratification.' And Van Helsing himself, a reputed Nazi collaborator, may not be a paragon of virtue. So nothing is quite black and white in the undead underworld of Los Angeles.If you simply have to see every vampire movie ever made, you must see this as well. If you're a fan of Casper Van Dien or Rod Steiger, they're protagonist and nemesis, and you shouldn't miss the chase. Van Dien manages to look good even in fangs, which these particular bloodsuckers sport 24/7 and have to talk around as well as sometimes explain to the curious. If you're fascinated by show business dynasties, catch it for Natasha Gregson Wagner, who is at times eerily reminiscent of her mother Natalie Wood. Just be warned-everything in this movie is a bit overdone. The comedy becomes slapstick, some scenes are more disgusting than truly horrible, and the sex is approached as either grotesque or tongue-in-cheek, or occasionally fang in neck. They even throw in a bit of Lesbian activity, but the most interesting scenes involve Van Dien and Wagner-as visually arresting a couple as you'll ever find anywhere-who, before the movie ends, have managed to swap almost every bodily fluid imaginable. MV can't decide if it's horror, comedy, romance or satire, and so mostly falls short of being really satisfying in any category, but it delivers some characters who can be fun to watch, notably Van Dien and Wagner as the young (in vampire terms) lovers fleeing the old vampire patriarch whose will they have defied. Rod Steiger looks and acts like a cross between Uncle Fester and the decrepit Van Helsing portrayed by Olivier in Dracula 79. And sometimes you just have to laugh at the homeboys who receive The Dark Gift like it was an STD, almost a satiric comment on AIDS stood on its head: this infection lets you live forever, if you don't mind being a homicidal maniac for the rest of your unnatural life.To enjoy MV, you just have to turn off your critical faculties, pass the beer and pizza, and take it for what it is.

I'm a big fan of vampire movies and of satire, but this movie was not funny, poorly acted (even when they were trying to ham it up, it didn't work) and just plain bad. I have a nice collection of horror and horror/satire movies, >From Dusk til Dawn, Army of Darkness, John Carpenter's Vampires, even Vampire from Brooklyn, but you would have to pay me to watch this sucker again. My wife and I watched this together and couldn't believe that main stream actors like Kim Cattrall and Rod Steiger could be in such a disaster of a movie. The Actors should be embarrassed! Maybe they can sue to have it taken out of circulation. Natasha Wagner was cute in one scene but that was the highlight of the movie. I'm glad I didn't pay to see this in the theater. 0.05 of 10

I had to stop and ask: Am I laughing because it's stupid? or am I laughing because it's funny. That seems to be the dilemma. It took several viewings for me to determine the outcome of that quandary.While there are some excellent elements here, both in the genre of horror and comedy, the blend is terribly uneven. This movie tries to be unpredictable and raw, but instead, what it delivers is anything but the sophisticated humor it promises. It is not quite the giggle-fest some seem to think it is; for the most part, there was more eye-rolling than genuine laughs.Kim Cattrall adds to this production what sophistication there is, while Casper Van Dien lends the eye candy element for those of you who are interested in that sort of thing.The principal wretched element in this movie was Dr. Van Helsing (Rod Steiger) and his hapless sidekick, Time Bomb (Gabriel Casseus of "Fallen"). As in they are a joke, rather than being funny, they are just ridiculous as vampire hunters. The way their first victim just lies there and waits for Time Bomb to sort out his probational priorities with Van Helsing's heart attack before he is killed, was just infantile. His "Black Pack" pushing the van chasing after the bad guys was just stupid.I honestly have no idea what to make of the ratings this movie has received. I fully appreciate and love dark humor, but this just is not it. This is some cheap teen-aged-level rip off of dark humor. It's not even good enough to be considered true camp.The general consensus here at the Fiend's house is that it's funny because it is stupid, rather than being cleverly witty. Does that make it good camp? or just another inanity?I have two votes for inanity, and it is a conclusion with which I tend to agree. That not withstanding, this movie does have a few enjoyability factors. I did learn one thing from this movie: if you're on fire, you can't put yourself out with a garden hose. It is absolutely putrid! It rates a 2/10 from...the Fiend :.