Am i the only one who thinks........Average?

A brilliant film that helped define a genre

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

Story: It's very simple but honestly that is fine.

I just found this at my local library, and I was surprised I hadn't heard of it before. Now that I've seen it, I can see why it had gone unnoticed. Featuring a cadre of the main actors from "Greenfingers" and "Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels", when the opening credits rolled and I saw "Based on the film 'The Longest Yard'", I went "Uh oh". Being an American, is it unpatriotic of me to say I this is nearly the equal of the original? Of course, there's very few movies with Burt Reynolds that are worth more than a glance("Deliverance" being a huge exception). While "The Longest Yard" tried to be so hip and anti-establishment, "Mean Machine" is just fun, and we get to see David Kelly play a sweet old fart. Now there's a surprise, but he's so good at it! One-time sex symbol David Hemmings gets a big nod just for his eyebrows, which are massive, but he has this air of barely-controlled rage that I always enjoy, such as in "Last Orders", and I enjoyed seeing Vinnie Jones with long hair. Hey, it's only about an inch long, but that's long compared to most of his roles. There's some pathos, a tiny bit of sex, and some barely-adequate, mostly slapstick & boots in the groin humor. My favorite funny bit was the football commentary by Bob & Bob(Jason Flemyng & Jake Abraham), and the fact the guards' side wore kit that looked like Barstoneworth United("Ripping Yarns"- "Golden Gordon") All in all, as a prison movie, this is no "Green Mile". It's barely up with "Lucky Break". As a soccer/football movie, it's no "Goal!", but it's better than what I'd expect "Soccer Dog" was. It's fun, I was entertained, and that's not a bad thing. The only truly terrible thing is it forced me to look back at the work of Burt Reynolds for this review.

This film is about a disgraced national football coach who gets imprisoned for assault. He coaches the prison football team to play against the guards.While watching the first half of the film, I was so sure that I would not enjoy it. All the roughness and senseless violence put me off completely. However, as soon as the football match kicks in, I was amazed by the way it lifts my spirits. The match occupies 30 minute screen time, but there is not a second of boredom. Instead, it is so mightily engaging and thoroughly intense. It felt as if I was there to experience the match, and just like everyone, I was hoping for the ultimate pride that would last forever. I am truly impressed by the incredible story telling of "Mean Machine".

If sometimes just lacking the creativity and vitality of the 1974 film, this is an above average sports/prison drama. There are some flaws though, one or two of the characters are thinly sketched, the plot is a touch simplistic and the first half hour just lacked the energy of the latter half of the film. That said, this is well worth watching. The whole film is excellently filmed and directed, and the soccer scenes are very well done. The final third is absolutely riveting, and really makes you want to see what the outcome is at the end. The music score is fine, and the performances are very good. Vinnie Jones is convincing in his first leading role, and David Kelly is stellar as the benevolent Doc. The best pieces of casting are (despite the accent) Jason Statham as maverick keeper and Jason Flemying's rather unconventional commentator. In conclusion, this is a good film. 7/10 Bethany Cox

A British remake of an American movie, there is quite a lot to like here, not least that it is quite funny at time.Vinnie Jones is, it must be said, not the greatest actor in the world, but he does have screen presence, and he has decent soccer skills (no surprise there). The rest of the cast out-act him, though, with the exception of Jason Statham who should never have been asked to perform with a Scots accent. Jason Statham is to Scots accents as Seth Rogen is to ballet.The film is a game of two halves, Brian, the first half being training and the second half being the match itself. And,while the outcome is never in any real doubt, the match is managed sufficiently well to keep up a decent level of suspense as to what will happen, especially when David Hemmings' weaselly prison governor weighs in with a late penalty (so to speak).Good, undemanding fun.